Apparently, Drew won Big Brother 5 last night. A big fat YAWN. I didn't see the show, as I was at The Amazing Race festivities. Actually, it was on without the sound. I probably got the better end of that deal.
Well, I was certainly wrong about Cowboy taking third place. It's looking to me like he may win this whole thing. Wait, sorry, I meant, AYT'S LUKKIN TA ME-AH LAHK HE MAY WEEN THASS HOLE THANG. Greatest moment of last night's show, hands down, even better than Diane crying? The fact that Scott and Jase hate each other. Oh, the sweet, sweet hand of fate has not let me down. I'm going to miss the show on Tuesday, but do any of us really even care who wins anymore?
Last night's Big Brother? Ugh. Nakomis is gone, long live Nakomis. It's all good, Nik, you get to see Karen and Will now! Which is a huge improvement over the drooling Cowboy (could I LOVE Karen any MORE? here's an interview) and the world's most sick-making couple since Rob & Amber. When you look at these final three with disgust in your heart, do yourself a favor and remember - it could have been Scott or Jase.
I always have a hard time watching the segments when the houseguests annhilate each other's clothing. Clothes are so personal and in a lot of cases have a lot of memories stored in their fibres. Some clothes are impossible to replace. It broke my heart when "Hey You Guys!" bit the dust. Diane is obviously a shrew of the worst order if she can destroy a Goonies t-shirt.
Otherwise this episode was rather boring. Except for the parts when I was sticking hot pokers into my ears to block out the sound of the smooching. If BB really wants us to watch Diane and Drew constantly making out, the least thing they could do is block out the sound. Ew.
I'm proud of Cowboy for making a joke. Getting into bed with your friend's (pseudo) girlfriend is always big yuks! And in Cowboy's case, big yucks.
So is anyone really surprised to find Nakomis and Diane on the block? No. If Nak wins the veto next week, great. If not, wake me up when we get to the jury vote.
I want Karen to come over so I can bake her a pie; I totally felt as though she were a puppy whose owners moved away without her. At least she'll be a vote for Nakomis at the end, if Nakomis makes it.
Diane played a really good game, and while I still want our girl Nakomis to win, Diane outplayed them but good. Even so, I was really annoyed by what Diane said at the end of the show where she tried to shift blame off of herself and onto Drew. She came up with the plan to oust Karen and she lied right to Karen and Nakomis as smoothly as Colin shot out of that zorb on TAR. Trying to make Drew the scapegoat is just cheap and I hope it pissed Drew right off.
I really have no idea what's going to happen next week. I honestly don't know who Drew is lying to, Diane or Cowboy. I don't know what alliance he's going to honour. What do you all think? I just hope Nakomis goes for the veto with everything she's got, because it's her only chance.
Also, that crack Marvin made about kissing Nakomis? Shut up, Marvin. And for the life of me I don't know why it was so hard to tell Adria and Natalie apart at the beginning, because do they ever look different to me now.
Poor Cowboy just cannot stop embarrassing himself. What exactly was he doing to Diane's leg? It must be something deadly if they taught it in the super-intensive two-week killer karate class Cowboy took.
Nakomis! Talk about a rock and a hard stone*. Nakomis is crafty, but Diane is craftier. While I'm rooting for Nak to win, I'm not going to complain if Diane does...she really does deserve it. But kudos to Cowboy for understanding how Diane's plan worked so quickly!
I was touched by the gentle prayer scene between Cowboy and Drew. And then I took the finger out of my throat. Gag gag guh.
Karen, you poor dear. Game on? Game over. You waited too long before coming out from under that radar and it's going to cost you $500,000. All you have left at this point is your vote as a juror.
*TM Heidi of Survivor Amazon
Poor Marvin got extremely short shrift after his eviction considering he's the Teflon Chopping-Block Man and deserved a little bit of extra time with Julie. I know they were trying to pack a lot of stuff into one ep, but still. And they didn't even show us his goodbye messages!
Drew showed us he has some semblance of brains when he nominated Diane. Diane showed us she has some semblance of brains when she took herself off the block with the veto. We know what happens when you don't veto yourself, right Marcellas?
I think Nakomis should just be the permanent HOH. Except this time it looked like she won by accident...I've never seen anyone look more horrified. I can't wait to find out what she does.
Drew tells Adria he thinks Diane is a bitch. Diane thinks Drew is her boyfriend. Marvin thinks he can break the two of them up by strategically kissing Diane in front of Cowboy, who does what's expected of him and runs straight to Drew. Did anyone else notice the deer-in-the-headlights moment when Drew realizes he might be wrong about Diane and her intentions toward Marvin? JUST KIDDING, Diane! Haw haw! Right. Assface.
Marvin tells Julie he wants to get into Diane's folds. Then he goes and reminds me of why I don't like him when he makes that comment about Diane getting "a little big past couple weeks." Just ugh.
Everyone plays nice and fair and gets rid of Adria, but girlfriend does not know when to shut up! Marvin reminds me of why I like him so much when he gets in her face and tears her down but good. I love me some Marvin.
Was anyone else as disconcerted as I was by the uncomfortable, maniacal laughter coming from Will and Natalie while they were on camera? I think one of them is going to crack by the sheer pressure of spending a week alone together.
I really wish they would have made Drew make his nominations on the spot tonight. I love that empty look he gets when he's trying to think.
Marvin does his nominations, and....Adria is on the block. Yay! So is Cowboy. Yay! Cowboy won the phone call from home. Boo! Cowboy cries a lot. Yay! Nakomis has 18 piercings! Er, um, okay! Diane rolls her eyes a lot. Funny! Adria pressures Karen into winning the veto. Boo! And Karen actually WINS SOMETHING. Yay! Then she refuses to use it. Yay and HA HA HA! Okay, enough of that. Overall, a good show and I like the nominations. But if Nakomis wants to win, she's got to start cutting people out of her alliance. It's time for side deals, honey. Learn how to make 'em, and make a lot of 'em. Ask Diane how it's done. I know she isn't too well-liked by the viewers, but I am really impressed with her game-playing. Looking forward to peeking in on the Sequester House during Thursday's show. I guess Will's nightmare is realized - locked up with the Twins, all alone. Heh.
Last night on Big Brother, Natalie was evicted, which was totally not a surprise. We did learn that Natalie is much more skilled at making speeches than her sister, who can barely speak English sometimes. We watched Cowboy's fragile hopes get crushed when he lost the chance to appear on a soap opera. We watched Karen inexplicably burst into sobs when Natalie left the house. We watched Diane make one of the worst choices of her life when she decided to wear that frosted lipstick. Lastly - Marvin was not on the block this week, Marvin won the soap opera trip, and Marvin won HOH. Marvin is having the BEST! WEEK! EVER!
Of course, our eagle-eyed friends over at TVgasm have pointed out that Marvin actually shouldn't have won HOH. Chenbot is really losing her touch.
So last night on Big Brother, the only thing I didn't want to happen actually happened and Adria won the Veto. She chose to save herself, which was an interesting strategy coming from someone who was telling everyone not to put up Natalie, that it was Adria's fault and not Natalie's that Will was voted out. So why didn't you save your sister? Although it did seem like Natalie told her not to. Whatev. Adria/Natalie also put the screws to Diane and Drew, telling them they had to win the Veto and they had to use it to save one of them. Diane and Drew just sort of squirmed around, although I would have loved it if one of them had offered to "pinky swear" about it.
So, Adria wins the Veto, takes off herself and Nakomis puts up Cowboy. Something she said she'd never do. Ah well. Desperate times, I suppose. I'm pretty sure it's going to be Natalie who leaves on Thursday, but you just never know with this game. Oh, and the Amazon.com luxury competition was awesome, and I fell off the couch laughing when Marvin whispered, "Hey, let's put the cat on the fire."
So Nakomis continues her no-nonsense gameplay and nominated Adria and Natalie for eviction this weekend. Excellent. Good times. I'm hoping (and assuming the producers will "nudge" it this way) that neither Twin wins the Veto. I want to see how they campaign to keep themselves in the house. Oh, and CBS? No more of Drew and Diane kissing. EVER. OR of Cowboy exercising. I'd rather watch 30 minutes of Marvin's smelly feet than that mess. Thanks.
Last night on Big Brother, we lost Will, and had to endure one of the saddest and angriest Julie Chen sitdowns ever. Props to Will for being one of the only houseguests to ever actually say the stuff they threaten to say in the DR. His parting shot to Adria was hilarious, and I was all "OH NO YOU DINT" when he shoved her hands away when she went to hug him. I was sad to see him go, but damn, Marvin, Teflon Man! And when Nakomis won HoH, all was right again with the world. The Twins have totally let me down when I had been rooting for them, but I think Nakomis will stay as cool as she has been the whole time. Let's split up the twins, Nak! Send one to the Sequester House and let Will torture her for a week! YAH!
And...discuss this weekend's BB5 here. Up for noms are Marvin and Will. I don't really want either of them to leave. I want Marvin to be the first winner of Big Brother who was nominated every week. Heh. Programming note: in the NYC area, tomorrow's show is pre-empted by baseball again. Catch it at 1:37am. Also tomorrow in NYC, catch Amazing Race at 7:00pm again.
Her goodbye speech to Jase on Big Brother 5 consisted solely of a mandana and a "thhhhhhhhppppt" to the camera. That's my kind of girl. Hands down, the best moment this week was the Chenbot surprising Jase with the girl he's supposedly been pining over during the last two weeks in the house. Does this look like a man in love? Not only did they evict him, they kicked him in the face afterwards. Nice! Ahhhhhhhh. So sweet. Now the show has the potential to get real interesting, as they will be forced to start cannibalizing each other. Congrats to Adria on HOH; being unspoiled, I really have no idea who she might nominate. For some reason I think Karen might go up.
Our airing was delayed last night, so we haven't seen it yet. But feel free to discuss it in the comments. I'll pop in after I watch the TiVo.
Big Brother 5 continues to improve. Nakomis comes up with one of the best BB plans EVER - the "six-finger plan" to get Jase the hell out of the house. If this goes off without a hitch, I will be rooting for her to win more than ever. I will admit that Jase was amusing in this episode - with the "I was waiting for an anvil to fall on my head" and "Join my alliance" schtick - but he's not fooling me; he's still a major a-hole. As evidenced by his behavior as soon as he found out he wasn't up for nomination. Oh, and if I ever play Celebrity Poker, please put me on Diane and Will's team. Those two snickered through the entire ceremony. HUGE props to Marvin for calling out Jase on both his lie about voting and the way he was treating Adria.
Everywhere around the nation, children are smiling, adults are laughing, flowers are blooming, and we are finally at peace - all because, last night, Scott was voted out of the Big Brother house. Oh, wasn't it a great night?
Scott getting blindsided, Karen calling out his sexuality on live tv, Jase realizing his grand plan was slipping through his fingers...and then, AND THEN, Natalie enters the house. Jase literally deflated into the sofa. It was grand, wasn't it? And then, AND THEN!!! Nakomis won HOH and I was the happiest girl in the world. Seeing the boys sitting dejectedly on the bench while everyone congratulated Nakomis just really made my night. I'm so glad it went down like this. Some people say that villians are entertaining to watch - and perhaps they are, in the beginning - but when one of them wins or makes it almost to the end, it totally ruins the viewing experience for me.
The twin twist was revealed, and it could not have gone better. Cowboy screaming, "It's Holly, it's Holly" (thanks for THAT nightmare) and Adria playing along like "Who is it?" was just great. The housemates were totally gobsmacked, and I thought Jase was going to have a seizure from the shock. It's over, asshole.
Oh, and Chenbot? What were you wearing, a toga? And pay attention, lady, because during the HOH comp you totally let Natalie slide when she answered a question wrong.
I did not see Big Brother last night because it was pre-empted for a Yankees game. Actually, more for a Yankees humilation. Anyway, it should have Tivoed last night around 1:30am. If you watched and would like to discuss the episode, feel free to do so the comments. I won't check in until I've seen it.
Congratulations to Diane for winning HOH as Jase suffered a near-nervous breakdown on BB5 this weekend. I'm not the biggest Diane fan, but she doesn't offend me, and she put up both Scott AND Jase for eviction, so at the moment, she is my girlfriend. Why did Nakomis quit so fast? That surprised me...does she feel safe enough to throw the competition or did she just not care?
Last night's BB5 was fantastic! Because Holly went home. Because Adria stayed. Because Julie Chen made fun of Cowboy's Hollywood aspirations. Because Scott and Jase's mothers are embarassed that their sons are such dickwads. Because Drew grew a pair. Thank you.
I cannot wait for next Thursday's episode when they reveal the Natalie/Adria twist. The look on Holly's face was remarkable - total confusion, utter confusion, concerned confusion, and then a blank stare. Awesome. I imagine that Scott's tiny brain will probably jump out of its head and commit suicide when he finds out. I think the HOH competition was custom-made for Adria to win. I have no idea who won, do not tell me, but I did hear this morning that the competition went on for over EIGHT HOURS. Some people there REALLY wanted to win, I guess. Let's just hope it was Will or Karen.
I know there are tons of places to read recaps of the Big Brother 5 live feeds (including the one where our beloved freakgirl did a little guest-posting stint), but I'd like to recommend the Big Brother 5 Recaps that are being posted by one of my favorite bloggers, the enigmatically-named "6" (she also runs 6togo, which is a great site to bookmark if you just want to know who wins/loses/gets kicked off practically every reality show out there--she gives super-short recaps that tell you everything you need to know, usually within a few hours of the show's air time). What I like about the BB5 recaps that 6 does is that they're straightforward and bring me up to speed really quickly, and she uses the real names of the contestants instead of funny nicknames, which confuse me on some sites because I haven't been reading the recap thread from the beginning (I know, I'm lazy and ignorant).
Anyway, like I said--it's just a recommendation. Are there other good recap or analysis or behind the scenes sites (not just for BB5, but for any reality show on right now) that you would recommend? Use the comments to share your picks.
So I'm just wondering--do we have any confirmation of the "Julie Chen is pregnant" rumors yet? I admit that all of the BB5 house drama keeps making me forget to look at Julie during her segments (okay, she just sort of creeps me out so I tend to avert my eyes), and I'm terrible about spotting "the signs" anyway. If there's one thing I have learned, it's to never assume a woman is pregnant--if you mention it and you're wrong, that's it. GAME OVER, MAN. Anyway, Julie sure looks a little rounder in the face in this picture, but that could just be due to a bad angle. The posters on this gossip board seem convinced that she has a lil' Les Moonves in her belly, though. Any thoughts or guesses? Just imagine--Julie Chen weighing over 100 pounds! What a concept!
What kind of braindead little toad can be so manipulated by Scott and Jase that he CRIES? Obviously I'm talking about Big Brother 5. Drew, last week when you nominated Holly, you were my hero. I even started to understand why people think you're cute. But this week? Letting the Ambigously Gay Duo and their sidekick Cowboy Mike beat you down until you're left in the fetal position, weeping in the HOH room? Seriously, dude, grow a pair. Then Adria talked some sense into you, and you told her that you would do the right thing if you had to put someone else up. And you put up...Adria. You rotten little man. If it comes down to a tiebreaker on Thursday, and you vote out Adria, I fully expect Natalie to come out of the Diary Room and punch you in the mouth.
In other news, Scott doesn't know what "confide" means. Were any of you really surprised? This is the same guy who didn't know that "beef" and "steak" are the same. And you know, "cheesse." Watching Jase yell at Diane last night, I started hating him as much as I hate Scott. He is the exact sort of person that makes me cry if I have to argue, because I am so overcome with frustration. He is such a jackass. Why do I watch this show?
B-Side over at TVgasm has posted a hilarious video of Big Brother's Scott and Jase getting their love on. Funny stuff.
Saturday's Big Brother recap is up. Scroll down to the 12th post. This is my last one for Hamster Time, so enjoy! And remember, they recap every week.
My recap of last night's Big Brother 5 is up at Hamster Time. You'll need to scroll down to post #6. Enjoy.
My recap of last night's Big Brother 5 is up. Discuss here.
Today I start recapping Big Brother for the week over at Hamster Time. I'll let you know when my recaps go up. I do have to admit, though, that I'm not going to enjoy this one bit unless Scott and Jase actually, literally die in an exploding ball of flame during the show. That foul yellow robe Scott's been wearing has got to be the most flammable thing I've ever seen. Anyone live near the lot where they're filming? Do me a favor and lob over a molotov cocktail.
Last night's Big Brother was entertaining only because Scott didn't get HOH, and he got eliminated on a question about himself. Classic. The Twins Twist was revealed last night as well. If Adria and Natalie make it to the deadline where they can play separately, wouldn't you think that the other houseguests would just nominate them both? I dunno...I guess you never can tell with these idiots. Anyway, I give the twins credit because it looks really tough to play like that. I also think that Natalie's face is much different from Adria's, but that might be only because I'm looking for it. The other hamsters aren't really looking for anything different. Lastly, big props to Julie Chen for making fun of Scott and Jase and their "grooming" last night. Heh.
Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Do you have any idea how vile these two guys must be when they're making me root for a BUSHIE? Whatever his politics, Mike is a smart guy and I hope he makes some waves when he gets voted out. Did I mention that Scott and Jase must die? Yeah. Last night after I completed my "Alison was Philiminated" Dance, I decided that the gods of reality television are smiling on me this year and that one of those dickless wonders will be put up for nomination next week. Please let it happen.
I don't want to get all worked up again about how hateful I find the Scott/Jase alliance on BB5 . So I'll just quote an email I received from Maggie last night:
I can't even articulate the seething, boiling rage. I want to take their matching headbands and shove them deep inside their asses. They must be stopped. If one of the jock morons win, I'm extremely killing myself.
In other news, I'm glad I was correct that Michael and Jennifer's families were forewarned about the BabyDaddy twist. And I'm not ashamed to admit I shed a couple of tears during the letter-reading. I'm not made of stone.
I'm going to let Max cover the first installment of Amazing Race today, and I'll concentrate on Big Brother. I actually liked it. Usually with BB, I hate the first episode and I hate everyone and I watch under protest. But I have to say, I'm fascinated. The whole "Two! People! Related!" hype sort of made me yawn, but watching the truth dawn on Michael was really something to see. The whole thing smacks of exploitation, and I'm wondering how the producers actually got these two on the show, but I'm DYING to watch it play out and it breaks my heart that this guy found out about his father and doesn't have a single person to discuss it with. His fiancee must have been losing her mind last night.
Okay. My gut reactions on the women from just one episode: My unknowns are Adria, Diane, and Karen. Although, Karen is a Jersey girl, so I want to like her. Right now I cannot and will not even DISCUSS Holly. Seriously. Okay, now I have no problem with her tattoos or purple hair or secret brother, but did Jennifer make herself an immediate target or what? If your name is Narcoleptus or whatever, then introduce yourself that way. No one cares about the backstory. Plus, the "Cool Kids" already hate her because she's different than them. Here's hoping she doesn't become another Frankie. And people may disagree with me, but I think Lori made a big mistake taking the money. On the first day, you play as a team and you do people favors. Wait a little while to start getting greedy. I would have kicked her ass.
And onto the men: Drew seems like he might actually be decent. I'll hold my opinion til later in the show. Jase, Mike and Scott can line up and kiss my fat ass and that's all I have to say about those losers. Oh, except for this - hey Jase, Ryan Seacrest much? Marvin makes me laugh, I'm loving Will but I can see that he might get annoying quickly, and I sort of want Michael to win so he can buy some better teeth.
Oh, and the geekboy totally called the "twins" twist about 15 minutes into the show. My darling.
Also, Big Brother starts tonight. If I have to hear Julie Chen tell me one more time how this year has the GREATEST! TWIST! EVER!, I am going to tie her skinny ass down and show her how she told me that LAST YEAR too and it WAS NOT ALL THAT GREAT because it brought ALISON INTO MY LIFE. Anyway. I don't know why I watch, but I do, and I'm not proud. But I will proudly share my opinions with all of you tomorrow about this latest trainwreck of famewhores.
Just a heads up to let you all know that I will be guest-recapping over at Hamster Time for Big Brother 5. It will be for one week only; the week of July 19th. I'll let you know when it happens. If you're not familiar with Hamster Time, they recap (nearly moment by moment) the live feeds in the Big Brother house. It's sickeningly addictive. I'll be recapping the regular shows that week.
My Lord, we can only pray for the kind of drama that's going down over in the Big Brother UK house. It's getting absolutely nuts over there! I hope Les Moonves and Julie Chen will take a break from their extended make-out sessions (ewww) long enough to take a few notes...
(And maybe Julie could eat a sandwich or something while she's at it--those collarbones of death are going to be on full display again this summer, I suppose.)