Archives: General Reality
Wednesday November 16, 2005
GOD WARRIOR

For those of you who watched that looney Marguerite on Trading Spouses last week, here's a tribute remix mp3.

Posted by freakgirl at 2:08 PM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday September 20, 2005
The Surreal Life

Holy crap.

Posted by freakgirl at 4:04 PM - link - Comments (4)
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Wednesday September 14, 2005
The Biggest Loser 2

My friend Amanda and I were discussing the premiere of the new season of The Biggest Loser today (over lunch, appropriately enough), and we agreed on two things:

1. Watching this show is a great way to get your diet/gym groove back.

2. Dude, the guys this season are really really big!

Seriously, though--while the women are pretty much what you would expect for this type of show (attractive women who still seem active and happy despite their extra pounds), they totally went for the seriously overweight guys this time around, all hovering close to 300 pounds at least, with many of them well over that. It makes for good TV at the weigh-in, though, since several people were showing losses of over 20 pounds for one week. This week's reject was the relatively-lightweight Ruben, who pretty much gave the rest of his teammates (including weird and seemingly still 'roid-raging Matt) the finger by continuing to lose some serious weight after he was kicked off.

Just like last season, I'm not going to invest in any players until a few more get kicked off, and then I'll be staring, fascinated and jealous, as the remaining players get thinner and thinner.

(Even though I was disappointed not to see any follow-up stories from last year's group, it was nice to find out that you can read them online. Season 1 winner Ryan still looks great!)

Posted by Max at 7:54 PM - link - Comments (4)
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Kill Reality - It's the Shit!

Did anyone see this? I did. I'm still in therapy.

Posted by freakgirl at 10:59 AM - link - Comments (10)
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Monday September 12, 2005
Martha

Okay, so it's probably wrong to open up some discussion about Martha on the day the first show aired, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Of course, I mostly liked it (I love this woman), but I'm honest enough to admit there are some things that need to be fixed. The set is classic Martha, but it may be a little too bright and sterile for a talk show (I like the folks running around in the kitchen in the background, though). And let's face it--Martha's strength has never been interviewing people unless she's really passionate about the subject (watch her dig into a segment about quilts or depression glass on the old show if you want to know what I'm talking about); the "What are you plugging?" interview makes her seem a little stiff and wooden. I hope that the show finds a steady tone and a voice and lets Martha's wicked--even ballsy--side come out with her guests. A Martha that's just a little bit mean and a little bit better than us: THAT'S the Martha we love!

Posted by Max at 9:19 PM - link - Comments (7)
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Wednesday August 10, 2005
Kill Reality

Are we all watching Kill Reality? I love it. All those famewhores trapped in a house, trying to out-famewhore each other? Good times, people. I am unfamiliar with the work of Toni "Paradise Hotel" Ferrari, but wow, I'm enjoying the crap out of her on this show. I'm NOT enjoying Real World Tonya - just put down the drink and go away. She slept with Jonny Fairplay. Just, ew. Real World Steven and Survivor Jenna Lewis are the world's most annoying couple, and hello, didn't she just get married a little while ago? And release a porn tape? What is her problem? And why does she call Steven "StevenHill" as if there are fifty Stevens wandering around the property? And Rob Cesternino is still one of my favorite reality stars ever. Referring to Toni as "The Swiss Army Knife of cast members" was hilarious.

Posted by freakgirl at 8:53 AM - link - Comments (13)
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Monday August 1, 2005
Which One to Keep?

In a surprise move (well, it was a surprise for me), Jerry ditches Anwar and creates a final "kept man" showdown between tall toothy Austen and little mouthy Seth. I am totally for Seth here--not only do I fail to see Austen's physical appeal, but I also think he's mega-bland and really boring. Jerry will make her ultimate choice this Thursday night.

Posted by Max at 9:21 AM - link - Comments (4)
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Wednesday July 27, 2005
Situation: Comedy

I admit that I have been sucked into Situation: Comedy after one episode. I love reality TV, and I love stupid sitcoms, so it was a total no-brainer.

The final two competing shows were picked by the end of last night's premiere episode, but I won't spoil it for you in case you're planning to catch one of the countless reruns this week. I will say, though, that neither show sounds particularly interesting (NBC obviously wanted to go very safe with this one)--but I'm going to keep watching to look at the unavoidable drama during the rewriting, casting, and production.

Posted by Max at 8:08 AM - link - Comments (4)
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Kill Reality

I assume that everyone out there is watching--or at least thought about watching--Kill Reality on E! I wasn't going to watch it at all, but a friend told me it was a must-see, because "It gives you everything you want from reality TV, and you don't have to even worry about any kind of competition going on." I gave it a shot and sure enough, it's addictive and awful. To me, it's like watching one of the RW/RR challenges, but without the stupid competitions. Instead, it's just 100% heinous as these sad reality "stars" claw at each other in hopes of getting air time and show us, time and time agin, why no one should stop taking his or her medication without a doctor's approval. In the "particularly awful" category are super-slutty Tonya, disgusting Jonny Fairplay, and obviously manic-depressive Toni. Her palpable desperation and hopelessness last night were almost moving, until she got all "typically Toni" and you once again realized that she is KRAY-ZEE.

Posted by Max at 7:59 AM - link - Comments (10)
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Dirty Jobs

The new Discovery Channel show called Dirty Jobs has a great premise and is really fascinating, even if the host is a bit grating (more about that later). The basic idea is that Mike Rowe hangs out with the people who do the jobs that most of us take for granted--garbagemen, sewer inspectors, roadkill collectors, and so on--and shows us how they do their jobs and keep us from ever even having to think about it. On last night's debut, he collected garbage, worked at a recycling plant, helped make compost, tagged sharks, and visited a junkyard. Good stuff, but I'm really looking forward--in my sad I-love-Fear Factor way--to seeing him get into some really messy stuff over the next few weeks.

The one downside to the show is the host himself. Mike Rowe seems like a nice enough guy, but he's just a little too breezy and silly-acting for my tastes. (I do like how he's prone to yelling "Holy crap!" at any moment, though.) It looks like this show is a variation of a segment that he used to host on local TV in San Francisco.

Posted by Max at 7:51 AM - link - Comments (0)
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Friday July 22, 2005
Jerry Had Some Wind on Her Brain...

After a day of silly new-agey activities and a few alternative-medicine procedures, Jerry had her potential Kept boys hypnotized for some good old-fashioned chair-humping fun. At the end of it all, she decided to dump Maurizio, though I still can't quite figure out why (something about "control issues"). Anyway, we're down to the final three, and my money is on Seth hitting the road next week to make way for the Anwar vs. Austen showdown.

Posted by Max at 10:21 AM - link - Comments (6)
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Thursday July 21, 2005
30 Days (of Binge-Drinking)

If I didn't know better, I'd think last night's installment of 30 Days was subtitled "...with a sh**ty, ungrateful teenage daughter." Too harsh on my part? Perhaps. But couldn't Michiel's daughter at least pretend to acknowledge that her (admittedly too permissive) mother was doing the experiment to try and connect with her and to show a little concern for her own child? Instead, it was, "Aw mom, I can drink way more than that--and I black out when I do it!" Listen, y'all, I saw that episode of A Different World where Whitley almost got date-raped, and based on that information and the clips of the daughter's social activities, I think I can make a pretty good guess about what's going to happen to ol' Jessica at least once in her illustrious college "career." It won't be pretty. I'm making a (sort-of) joke here, but seriously--this girl is headed for a bad scene or two.

Enough harping about the daughter's awfulness--I was glad to see that the show didn't involve something ridiculous like the mom moving into a sorority house. Instead, she just had to drink. And drink. And then drink some more. My stomach hurts just thinking about her nauseating (literally) month. And maybe she was naive to think that she would be able to open her skank daughter's eyes to the dangers of binge drinking, but hey--at least she wasn't afraid to jump in with both feet. And forget the lost-cause daughter--Michiel will always have the youngest son, who seemed like a sweetheart (like when he made his mom eat the English muffin...which she later puked back up). Plus, she was a kind of a hottie clean-livin' soccer mom, was she not? See what moderation can do for you later in life, kids?

Posted by Max at 2:05 AM - link - Comments (7)
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Friday July 15, 2005
American History G (-String)

Well, the epic drama that is Strip Search has come to an end, and I like to think that we've all grown as people because of it. To get down to the magic number of dancers, one more guy had to get the boot. This time, it was "the one whose name I can't remember but he looks like an even uglier Patrick Swayze." The remaining dancers then put on a show that actually seemed sort of sad and low-rent, even for a tacky strip show. It turns out, the theme of the extravaganza was "a journey through American History," so if you're a teacher and are looking for exciting and educational field trip opportunities for your students, I think we've found your destination.

Posted by Max at 10:26 AM - link - Comments (7)
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Thursday July 14, 2005
30 Days (off the Grid)

Still another very interesting installment of 30 Days last night, as Morgan took two city slickers (a guy who was a pretty good sport about the whole thing and a woman who was a nasty, self-centered bee-yotch the entire time) and dropped them right in the middle of hippie central to live off the land (and without any modern or environmentally-hazardous conveniences).

I have to admit that part of me found a certain appeal to the "Dancing Rabbit" lifestyle, even with the whole poop-recycling routine. I don't know if I could deal with the infrequent showering, though. Don't you know that place freakin' REEKS during the summer? And if one of those flower children even mentioned a drum circle, I'd be on the next plane out of Hippieland.

Posted by Max at 10:13 AM - link - Comments (9)
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Tuesday July 12, 2005
Final Five on the Scholar

Hooray! Not only did super-smug Davis not make it to the final round of The Scholar, but he flamed out in a spectacular way, stunning everyone by missing an easy American history question after inexplicably mishearing "19th century" instead of "20th century." (Or maybe it was reversed--I forgot as soon as he got eliminated, which was all that mattered to me.)

In his place, we got the very deserving Amari, who joins Scot, Melissa, Milana, and Liz in next week's final challenge for the full-ride scholarship. I'm upset that Jeremy didn't make it to the final round, though--I wish there had been a "wild card" slot that would have let him in.

Posted by Max at 5:20 PM - link - Comments (4)
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Thursday July 7, 2005
30 Days (on Castro Street)

Well, last night's potentially cringe-inducing installment of 30 Days turned out to be not so bad after all. Maybe I'm cynical, but I don't think that the subject's month in San Francisco is necessarily going to keep him from thinking gays are going to hell or stop him from making some heinous "fag" jokes every now and then, but he did seem a little more open-minded at the end of the episode, so I guess that's something, right? And to be completely fair and honest, I'd need more than 30 days of living with a super-conservative or redneck family to start even pretending that I understand where they're coming from or the headspace they're in.

Posted by Max at 8:51 AM - link - Comments (9)
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The Most Beautiful and the Geekiest

How sad that Richard finally seems interesting and socially adept and fun to watch (the piano bit was genuinely impressive) on the very show where he is eliminated. Seriously, he couldn't take the time to learn Mindi's middle name? That's kinda weak, if you ask me. But hooray for Chuck (who really could stand to loosen up a little bit) and Caitililililin (I get lost with those extra letters in the name) for taking home the big money. next week's reunion special looks fun, if only because of the return of Lauren, my favorite Beauty!

Posted by Max at 12:01 AM - link - Comments (7)
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Friday July 1, 2005
Being Bobby Brown

Being Bobby Brown is still resting on my TiVo--I can't wait to kick back and watch the insanity over the weekend. But if you saw it and would like to talk about the highs and lows (so to speak) of the premiere episodes, then have at it in the comments. Besides, no recap could compare with this brilliant one, complete with screen captures!

Have a great 4th--hope most of you are getting a long weekend out of the holiday.

Posted by Max at 1:47 PM - link - Comments (4)
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Thursday June 30, 2005
30 Days (as a Muslim)

The truly astonishing thing about this week's installment of 30 Days was not the relative level of comfort that the subject eventually found in a Muslim community, but rather that Morgan Spurlock was able to find a devout Christian willing to open himself up for the experience in the first place. I'm not slamming on devout Christians, but I do find that devout believers of any faith often have a lot of trouble investigating and accepting tenets of another faith.

Once again, I'm loving this show not because of the "fish out of water" aspect, but because I finish it feeling a little bit smarter. Three cheers for cartoons that explain stuff in easy metaphors! I know that this particular episode has come under fire from some groups because it allegedly glosses over other, more troubling aspects of the Islamic faith, but if I wanted a really in-depth examination of that sort of thing (this show's topic was "Being Muslim in America," not an overview of Islam), I'd be watching Frontline. (Besides, all of these yokels yammering about "splinter cells" shut up pretty quickly when you bring up militant right-wing and [allegedly] Christian militia groups.)

Posted by Max at 1:16 PM - link - Comments (7)
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Wednesday June 29, 2005
The Final Battle Awaits

And so it seems we will be getting the much-anticipated Chuck vs. Richard showdown on next week's finale of Beauty and the Geek. I was hoping Richard would be gone by now (and if he wins I'll be pretty pissed), but it should make for some interesting competition, since both guys are totally willing to admit their complete dislike of each other.

Poor Shawn got way too much grief from Scarlet tonight for his role in their loss of the camping challenge; I think when someone is sick enough to puke, you can assume that they're not "wimping out" on you. It's not like this is some sort of Real World/Road Rules challenge, where the likely culprit would be a wicked hangover. Scarlet was a royal bee-yotch about it for the rest of the show, so I didn't shed a tear for her departure, to be honest.

Posted by Max at 11:01 PM - link - Comments (3)
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Monday June 27, 2005
Go Scholar Liz!

I'm guessing that a lot of you out there aren't tuning in to The Scholar--you're missing some good stuff, though (maybe I find it more interesting because I'm a teacher?). In any case, this week was the penultimate (kick it, SAT words!) challenge to earn a spot in the final five, and though he came thisclose to winning, Davis choked again. If you're watching the show, you realize that this is a good thing. "Anybody but Davis" is the mantra around here.

Sweet math nerd Liz was this week's big winner (Davis even tried to diminish her victory by saying he "taught her well" for the showdown at the end--what a jerkwad, even if he is a young Democrat), and I couldn't be happier--I really would love her to take the whole thing in the final challenge, although it wouldn't kill me if Jeremy or mega-underdog Gerald triumphed instead. What would kill me, though, is another episode focusing on the stupid Max/Alyssa/Melissa love triangle. I thought there would be drama potential there, but then I realized it was drama of the high school variety (literally), and since I'm off the clock until mid-August, I don't want to see that mess.

Posted by Max at 9:55 PM - link - Comments (3)
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Friday June 24, 2005
30 Days (to a Younger You)

This week's installment of 30 Days (link has audio) wasn't as emotionally wrenching or thought-provoking as last week's, but it was still highly informative, entertaining (I just really like Morgan Spurlock's on-air demeanor--he's a great host/narrator), and just a little scary. I was amazed to see that the crazy fitness/anti-aging regime could destroy that guy's sperm count so quickly. Children are definitely not in my future at all, so that particular side effect didn't really horrify me, but the fact that those supplements could mess with a basic body process like that so rapidly and significantly was a real eye-opener. As the show ended, I thought about all of the people out there who take stuff like that--not to the extent that the subject of the show did, but over a much longer period of time. In 10 or 20 or 40 years, are there going to be any lingering effects? But then I thought about another side of it--how much risk or damage to my body would I be willing to put up with if there really was a way to use drugs/hormones/steroids to lose weight and look and feel younger? I don't think I want to know the answer to that question.

Why is my TV making me think? Ow. Must go read US Weekly. In the meantime, you might find this old article from Andrew Sullivan interesting--he is (or was at the time) a proponent of testosterone therapy in some cases, although he noticed a few disturbing side effects as well.

Posted by Max at 1:33 PM - link - Comments (7)
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Out with the Bad

Kind of a double delight going on with Kept and Strip Search this week, as both shows lost their most obnoxious contestants. On Kept, Anwar made a major move upward in the rankings and has now replaced the banished Jason as Jerry's clear favorite. Jon is still hanging in there, poor guy--he was just joking when he kept missing all of those questions at the beginning of the show, right? The best moment, though, was at the end, as Ricardo finally got ditched for being the utter slimeball that he is (though he insists it's because "Jerry and all those women was intimidated by me"). Maybe with him gone, break-dancing fool Slavko will end up being a little more tolerable.

Tolerable is not the word for Strip Search's Johnny, who not only behaved like a total idiot (what kind of person on a reality show gets mad because cameras keep following him around?) but blew his chance to "change his life completely" (okay, a little sarcasm there) by walking out on the show. The actual elimination at the end was sort of anticlimactic, although it was still a bit of a surprise. Who knew that chunky-booty Bryce would make it through another round? Even more mind-blowingly, who knew that a group of male strippers would practice a routine to a Belle & Sebastian song?

Posted by Max at 1:23 PM - link - Comments (2)
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Wednesday June 22, 2005
Now Richard has kissed TWO girls!

I am still shaking with rage and sadness at the outcome of tonight's installment of Beauty and the Geek. Why won't Richard leave? What will it take to get him out of the mansion? He stopped being funny about a million years ago, and now I just can't stand him. And lest you think, "Oh, be nice, Max--he's a little nerd who doesn't know what he's doing," I have to say that I couldn't disagree more. Having known people like Richard--and more importantly, having taught people like Richard--I know that he is 100% aware of what he's doing and how he's acting and how he appears to others. He's like a child addicted to negative attention, and he needs to be surrounded by more people like Chuck, who will keep telling him to shut the hell up and act right until it finally sinks in. Ugh!

I'm sorry, I really don't mean to sound so cruel about it, but people like Richard really make me scream inside. I can tolerate a lot of different personality types, but Richard's is one that I just cannot and will not deal with. It's sad that he's gotten this far in life without someone taking him aside to tell him to just chill out, isn't it?

Okay, enough of my scary emotional investment in this show. I am genuinely sad to see silly little Lauren go (she always made me smile), but at least Bill made it through the makeover stage, where he really ended up looking great! He wasn't Quasimodo or anything before, but he definitely improved the most. The sans glasses Shawn came out pretty well, too. I can't blame him for crapping out in the "get the digits" challenge, though--that would leave me trembling in a corner asking for my mom after about three seconds. Truly intimidating. Kudos to Chuck on his brilliant "I'm gay, so don't be afraid to give me your number" strategy. It violated the spirit of the challenge, in my opinion, but you can't argue with that kind of success.

Now that my favorite team is gone (maybe there will be an all-stars edition in a few years, and Joe and Lauren will be paired up in my dream team), I don't care who wins. As long as it isn't Richard. (If, God forbid, Richard and Mindi do win, I hope she holds him to his promise to give her all of the money. She deserves it.)

Posted by Max at 10:09 PM - link - Comments (3)
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Monday June 20, 2005
Doin' It for the Kids

The Scholar gang (since they're so fresh-faced and innocent in comparison to most reality contestants, I like to think of them as sort of a brainy Scooby-Doo-type pack of teens, using their smarts to change the world one episode at a time) had to do a little social work this week, helping out a couple of after-school programs on the mean streets of L.A. Milana and Max were the team captains (though Davis sort of took over Max's project), and in the end, Milana pulled it out and claimed her spot in the final five. I'm okay with that outcome--she's pretty high-strung and driven, and I'm glad we don't have to watch her get all stressed out any more. Now if we can just get Liz on some Paxil, everything will be just fine.

Of course, the real drama here was all about the Alyssa/Melissa conflict: who was going to let Max hit it, 4.0 GPA-style? For about three minutes, those three got very not-so-fresh-faced-and-innocent on the dance floor...it was like all the kids had fallen into some sort of wormhole and popped out on a Real World/Road Rules challenge--but without the drinking, anger management issues, stupid t-shirts, and general bitchiness.

Posted by Max at 10:05 PM - link - Comments (0)
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Sunday June 19, 2005
One Elimination, When There Should be Two

Listen, Strip Search--I don't ask a lot from my reality shows (let's be honest, I gleefully watch a lot of crap), but one thing I demand is an elimination every week, no matter what. Even if someone leaves voluntarily (or is threatening to), I need to see someone rejected by his or her "peers" in the last 10 minutes, with a follow-up "moment of reflection" from the ousted party. Otherwise, no dice. If I (speaking as the everyviewer) can't count on a consistent structure to the show, then someone behind the scenes (producer, editor, "story" person, whatever) is making some bad decisions and messing up the pacing of the show in a big way.

Oh, and please get rid of Johnny. He's disgusting and stupid. Thank you.

On the other end of the VH1 spectrum, Kept continues to be a delight (thank you, James Lipton). The theme this week seemed to be "missed opportunities," as Seth blew his big night out with Jerry (proving that there is a big difference between raunchy jokes and witty banter) and obvious front-runner Jason gave up his chance to be a high-profile reality show man-whore for a few seconds of bar nookie with a (kinda homely) actress. Hope it was worth it, pal. Now you can't even say that you outlasted freaking Ricardo.

Everyone repeat after me: Bring it home for the underdogs, Little Jon!

Posted by Max at 7:12 PM - link - Comments (5)
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Thursday June 16, 2005
30 Days (on Minimum Wage)

So who knew that a network owned by the evil minions over at Fox would actually give us a program as fascinating, sobering, and (hide your eyes, Republicans) compassionate as 30 Days? (Warning--the link has sound.)

Most of you probably know the premise already--one person steps into the shoes of another one for 30 days--and not all of the episodes look like they'll be packing the same emotional punch as the premiere does (next week's looks very light), but I still give this show a big thumbs-up.

This week, Morgan Spurlock and his good sport of a girlfriend try to live on minimum wage for 30 days. Needless to say, it's not an easy path--they fight, they deprive themselves of things most of us take for granted (decent food, leisure activities, heat), and in the end, they realize that it will take them months of work to pay for two very necessary emergency room visits (he hurts his wrist, she develops a urinary tract infection). I'll be honest--the show scared me and shocked me and made me very thankful for the things I have and the support network I have around me in case things should ever take a turn for the worse. Heavy stuff, but recommended viewing.

Posted by Max at 8:02 PM - link - Comments (15)
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Beauty (Mark) and the Geek

I find it hard to imagine that anyone was really sad to see Brad and Krystal lose in the elimination room last night. She's okay, I suppose, but he was charisma-free (to put it charitably) and that big ol' dollop of herpes on his bottom lip (has he been sneaking out at night to kiss Katie Holmes?) was a real distraction. I still want--nay, need--Richard* to leave Casa Geek, but maybe that will happen next week.

*I have to admit I chuckled when they changed Richard's tag line from "Never kissed a girl" to "Has kissed one girl" after he gave Krystal a surprise goodbye smack.

Posted by Max at 9:50 AM - link - Comments (5)
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Scholar Spirit!

Although The Scholar still seems a little bit boring, I have to admit that this week's episode was a vast improvement, pace-wise and tension-wise, over last week's debut. Maybe it's just a matter of getting to know the kids as they move through each challenge. I really appreciate the fact that none of them are eliminated over the course of the show--more series would improve by following that strategy.

Anyway, this week's competitions were focused on motivation and school spirit, and gentle, hippie-ish Scot ended up with the coveted slot in the final five (I was okay with that, though I usually root against home-schoolers out of loyalty to my profession and belief in the benefits of a good public school education), with perpetual underdog Gerald losing out yet again. I would like to see the G-man make it to the finals, especially if it means that super-annoying Davis walks away with nothing. I'd also like one of the kids to go nuts and smack Scholarship Committee member Shawn across his weaselly, smug, Napoleon-complex face.

Posted by Max at 8:41 AM - link - Comments (2)
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Another Classy Week

I'm running super-late on these recaps, because I've been out of town for several days--my apologies. But I did commandeer my host's TiVo while I was away (thanks, Tim), so I managed to keep up with the three big guilty pleasures in my current TV-watching life.

Strip Search
finally settled down into the competition/elimination/"everyone living in the same house" phase we've been waiting for. I'm not sure if all of the guys are horrible dancers or if the routine is just supremely cheesy and bad, but it ain't pretty to watch. I used all of my psychic abilities to force the elimination of Johnny, but it was no use. He and his terrible eyebrows and disgusting shoe-polish hair will be bumping and grinding for yet another week.

It was another wonderful episode of Kept (you really should be watching this show, if only to hear Jerry Hall's insanely great half-Texas/half-British accent at work), this time focusing on teaching the pretty boys a few things about art. Ricardo demonstrated the art of clever banter when he literally challenged the other contestants to a penis-measuring contest in a fit of rage/insecurity/mild racism. Jerry got rid of Frank far too soon--Ricardo needs to be on the next slow boat back to a A**holeland. I'm rooting for Lil' Jon to make it to the end, but I think the smart money is on Jason right now.

Finally, we've got Blow Out. Normally, I'd give this show its own post, but it is just not worth the space this season. Don't get me wrong--I plan to watch every episode, but only to see Jonathan (who is a hairstylist, not a hairdresser--he made that very clear this week) grow more and more insufferable until he finally implodes under the weight of his own self-pity and smugness. Was he this unbearably "woe is me" last season? I don't remember it being quite this bad, but maybe I'm repressing something and need to go for a session with Jonathan's therapist.

Posted by Max at 7:56 AM - link - Comments (9)
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Tuesday June 14, 2005
Island of the Famewhores

Reality Blurred reports that Bravo is planning a humungoid All-Star Reality Reunion. While the thought sort of sickens me, there is a very happy place in my head where Puck, Johnny Fairplay, Jase, and Veronica die in some sort of tragic camera-hogging incident.

Posted by freakgirl at 4:47 PM - link - Comments (5)
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Wednesday June 8, 2005
Sadness and the Geek

Damn, damn, damn! (Said in my best Esther Rolle/"Florida Evans" voice)...

So Joe, a.k.a. America's sweetheart, is now gone from the mansion on Beauty and the Geek. I, for one, am seriously crushed. Such a sweet, kind, and funny guy deserves better than this--oh, if only he'd studied that massage manual a little more closely. (Seriously, who doesn't know what a loofah is?) I think he was crying when his team lost at the end, and then when he apologized to Erika...oh, it's just too much. I hope some girl out there scoops him up and puts him in her pocket makes him super-happy.

So now I am left with two burning desires for this show. First, I hope that Richard gets out of the mansion and into therapy. A commenter mentioned last week that he's probably got some serious issues hiding behind that downright bizarre behavior (and under those ridiculously big-thighed pants), and I second that. Even awesome med student Chuck (who is a total catch by the way--one of these girls should grab him now) can sense that something bad is going on there.

My second wish is for Bill & Lauren to take it all. Not because of anything about him (though I think he's a little cooler than the show would have us believe), but because she is about the most precious thing in the universe. Y'all, I'm not kidding--I think Lauren is just fantastic.

Posted by Max at 11:47 PM - link - Comments (10)
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Tuesday June 7, 2005
Crappy Critic

Tim Goodman, the TV critic for the San Francisco Chronicle, has decided that he will only be reviewing scripted shows this summer while ignoring reality TV completely. I'm sorry, but that makes him not only useless as a TV critic, but also a lazy worker. It's like me deciding that the whole period from 1860-1900 in American literature is really boring for me to teach, so I'm just going to skip it and stick to "the good stuff." You just don't do that.

I'm not saying all of the reality shows are gems--we know most will stink--but he's running the real risk of missing a few diamonds in the rough (Beauty and the Geek, anyone?). I hope he gets lots of angry letters and emails...and maybe a demotion, too.

Posted by Max at 7:56 AM - link - Comments (7)
Filed Under: General Reality
Monday June 6, 2005
The Scholar

It's hard to say bad things about The Scholar, really. I mean, this is a show that's going to flat-out pay for college for these kids. But why does it have to be so boring? maybe it will pick up and get a little more cutthroat (I'm sorry, but I demand that sort of thing from my reality TV) as the series progresses. They will have to eat bugs and horse rectums at some point, right? Right?

[a tumbleweed drifts across the stage]

Anyway, I'm glad that Melissa got a slot in the final five (the elimination process used by the show is a little Byzantine for me, but I think I like it), and doubly so because she beat out smarm-meister-and-frat-president-in-training Davis to do it. He's obviously being edited as the guy to loathe in this show (and let's be honest, it's hard to like anyone who wears his big-ass aviator sunglasses up on his head like that), but I bet we get some sort of big tear-filled "confessional" moment from him soon, in which he confesses that he only wants to be liked and to fit in or nonsense like that. Please. Call me when you get a real haircut, kid.

Posted by Max at 11:58 PM - link - Comments (5)
Filed Under: General Reality
Kept / Strip Search: Week 2

For some reason, it just feels right to lump these two shows together, doesn't it? Maybe it's because they give us two solid hours of pure objectification of males...or maybe it's because they're both so gleefully lightweight in their goals. In any case, Kept continues to be the more interesting of the two, though that may change next week as Strip Search finally gets down with some elimination action (this week's "search" episode was a slow-moving clone of last week's, although the guys seemed a bit more buff--I guess they're not taking as many physique risks as the deadline for the final lineup gets closer).

On Kept, Jerry sent the boys in for makeovers (kudos to Jon for cutting his hair despite his earlier protests--he looked about a thousand times better afterwards) and style training, all in preparation for a fashion show at the end of the episode. Ricardo and Slavco acted like total divas, because they're both (allegedly) models back here in the States. Ricardo is really shaping up to be the biggest tool on the show, and I don't mean that in the way that would make Jerry smile. He's got to go--soon. And for the second week in a row, I got the impression that Anwar is not really a fan of the ladies...anyone else feeling that, or is it just me? Anyway, poor Michael (the short one that isn't Jon) got the boot this time, apparently because he acted nervous at the fashion show. I didn't quite get that, but Jerry's word is law on this show, so I'm willing to accept it.

Posted by Max at 11:25 AM - link - Comments (4)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday June 2, 2005
In 1942, Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue

J. Go or freakgirl are more than welcome to replace this post with a real recap, but I just have to know if anyone else watched and loved Beauty and the Geek last night. The reviews are right--it's surprisingly sweet and doesn't seem as geared toward humiliation as you might expect. It repeats tonight, if you missed it. The official site for the show gives away the eliminated couple, so spoiler-phobes may want to avoid it before catching the repeat. I will say that I was fine seeing the boring male half of the eliminated team leave, but I really liked the female half, who seemed really nice. In fact, maybe it's just the editing, but all of the girls seemed rather kind. They were a little ditsy, maybe, but I've always thought that one of the symptoms of true stupidity is cruelty or an inability to understand the feelings of another person, and none of the girls fell into that mold at all.

I'm rooting for Joe and Erika (mostly Joe, I confess--he's so fragile and vulnerable!) to take it all, and I was stunned to see that Brad is not really geeky at all. Maybe he's a little shy or something, but looks-wise, I think he could even make it through a few rounds of The Bachelorette. Chuck is another one who might be selling his own physical appearance short--though his nosebleeds (and his medical explanations for them--"my mucosa is drying out and the stress is making me hypertensive") really were cracking me up last night.

Posted by Max at 11:00 AM - link - Comments (11)
Filed Under: General Reality
Monday May 30, 2005
Meat Market Sundays

My goodness--when did VH1's Sunday nights get so, um...gay? I thought I was watching freakin' Bravo for a second last night as the double-header (there might be a dirty pun buried in there, but I swear it's not intended) of Kept and Strip Search made their debuts.

Kept is kind of a hoot to watch, not so much for the 12 mooks who are trying to win a place as some sort of gigolo/arm candy/publicity stunt for Jerry Hall, but for the antics of Jerry herself. This woman is Patsy Stone brought to life! She's shopping and drinking and smoking and flirting and hanging out with her girlfriends (all of whom are married to or living with other aging rock stars) and selecting some poor schmuck to be her "kept man" for a year. But I'm confused--what does the kept man actually get? Room and board and an allowance? Invites to fabulous parties? Carte blanche in Jerry's boudoir? Mick Jagger's sportswear from 1988? And doesn't Jerry have four kids? Where are they? Being "kept" by a nanny, I assume. (You can see the guys by going to this page and clicking on the "Hot or Not" link.)

Strip Search is just...well, I don't even know where to begin. Two folks from VH1 drive around in a big bus and get local yokels--beefy, scrawny, whatever--to do some skanky male stripper moves in public and then decide whether to invite them back to train for a spot in an "all-male revue." Yep, it's that classy. At least these guys aren't the usual buffed and waxed (or even toned!) reality show steroid freaks...well, not yet, anyway.

Needless to say, I will be watching both of these again next week. If you missed them, don't worry--I think they're showing the repeats about a zillion times this week. Check your TiVo listings now!

Posted by Max at 12:17 PM - link - Comments (7)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday May 24, 2005
Loverboy? I'm There.

Hit Me Baby One More Time starts next week on NBC. This has the potential to be AWESOME. It also has the potential to suck rocks, but I'm a "glass half full" kinda girl when it comes to tv.

Posted by freakgirl at 3:45 PM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday May 19, 2005
Janice is so Upset Right Now

Despite Janice Dickinson's campaign for Kahlen, Naima bested the best and became America's Next Top Model last night. I have to agree with the judges. Kahlen rocked the photos, but didn't command the runway like Naima, who developed a personality overnight, apparently. I wanted Kahlen to win, just because she was so the underdog.

Posted by j.go at 9:52 AM - link - Comments (4)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday May 17, 2005
Super Models Eat Ribs

I am so loving America's Next Top Model, even though I forget to watch or record it. I caught the entire marathon on Saturday. Why? Because I have no life. I so hate Keenyah. She went from being cute to being a freak in just one episode. Her behavior in South Africa totally annoyed me. I think Naima is beautiful, but, agree that I'm not sure what her personality is like. So, I'm all for Kahlen, who doesn't present like a model in person, but kicks ass in the photoshoots and seems like a decent person.

Again, I need to say, Nigel Barker is hotness and Janice Dickinson is my kinda freak.

Posted by j.go at 10:46 AM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday April 21, 2005
More games like this, and YOU'LL end up on the show!

It doesn't get more inappropriate (or more oh-so-perfect) than the Intervention drinking game! I think they need to add "Take a drink everytime the 'update' at the end of the show informs us that the addict left rehab early but claims that he/she has not started using again." More info about the show itself--which is major, by the way--is here.

Posted by Max at 7:24 PM - link - Comments (0)
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Trippin'

Check out the second half of this review, where the writer hilariously savages the new Cammie-Diaz-and-friends "eco-show" Trippin'. The review nails everything that's annoying about the show, from the smugness of the travelers to the creepy aura of condescension that hovers over everything they say and do while they stroll through the "exotic" lands. I wanted to push Drew Barrymore off a cliff when she had that Chilean giggle-fit this week.

Posted by Max at 7:52 AM - link - Comments (4)
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Thursday April 14, 2005
The Deadliest Catch

I hate deep water. I hate cold weather. I'm not a huge fan of Alaskan king crab (unless somebody's frying it). So why am I planning on watching every episode of The Deadliest Catch? Beats me--but I'm fascinated by these men who risk their lives (the mortality rate is ridiculous) for the chance--and only the chance, since a good haul isn't guaranteed--at some big and quick money. Why do they put themselves through it? I guess it's the adrenaline rush or the need for the money or a combo of both, but it eludes me. Hopefully I can figure it out after the ten episodes run their course.

Posted by Max at 10:51 PM - link - Comments (2)
Filed Under: General Reality
Model Smackdown (aka Tyra Gone Wild)

Dudes! I honestly was shocked and horrified last night. Miss Tyra, in a truly failed attempt to be a social worker, brought Tiffany into the Next Top Model fold, hoping she'd overcome her ghetto life. Well, she didn't, and after weeks of frustration, Tyra and the crew finally dropped her from the roster. Apparently, Tiffany didn't cry enough, because Miss Tyra went insane on her ass. Clearly Miss Tyra thinks it's time for Tiffany to take some responsibility and make an effort in her life. There was screaming, yelling, pointing, spitting and shaming! It seemed like a sincere emotional response from Miss Tyra, and it was fantastic television! I felt like I was watching something very private. It was over just as quickly as it started.

While I'm on the subject of America's Next Top Model, I just have to say, Nigel Barker is a fresh stack of hotness.

Posted by j.go at 9:10 AM - link - Comments (10)
Filed Under: General Reality
Saturday April 9, 2005
The Staircase

It's kind of a departure for the channel, but Sundance is airing a multi-part true-crime documentary this month (two episodes each Monday) called The Staircase (warning: audio). It covers the trial of a North Carolina man named Michael Peterson, who is accused of killing his wife and blaming it on her fall down a--you guessed it--staircase in their home. There is some spoiler-free background on the case here, if you're interested, and even though I know how it all comes out (the trial was over a year ago), I'm still enjoying the show. If nothing else, it's really opening my eyes about how expensive a criminal defense is (close to a million dollars, as of episode two) and how all families have crazy twisty-turny dark secrets that really complicate things when they're brought out into the open. Plus, it's way juicy (homosexual affairs, strange deaths in the defendant's past, etc.)! You can still catch repeats of the first episodes--give it a try if crime stories are your thing...it's like a really good episode of Dateline without the accompanying "Damn, I'm really into this story on Dateline" shame.

Posted by Max at 3:59 PM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday February 8, 2005
the end of the world

MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen is probably the most terrifying and horrid thing ever. I so can't believe the wretched excess and entitlement of these teens! Try and catch the episode of Ava, who cries when she doesn't get her car on her birthday and her parents spend more than $200,000 on her party (which includes the Range Rover she eventually gets). Chilling.

Posted by j.go at 3:39 PM - link - Comments (6)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday January 11, 2005
Country Western Music Should Slap You

Is anyone watching Love is in the Heir on E! I've tried, but I can only get through a few minutes of it at a time. Is this thing honestly a reality series, because it plays like the producers are mocking the genre? Just the way they introduce discussions and behave is so not casual, natural or sincere. Here's the deal: Princess Ann Claire (who I assume is a Brit) moves to LA with her man bitch and tries to launch a country music career, even though she can't sing and has even less skill at targeting her talents to a pretty down-home music scene. I hate country, but, I'll admit, it doesn't deserve this kind of butchery. The Princess is clueless, but I'm mesmerized by her assistant, Michael, who seems oddly devoted to her (though he seems gay, so I don't think it's a lust thing). He's no friend, because, if he was, he'd tell her that she can't sing and her music career is humiliating for all involved. Royal trainwreck.

Posted by j.go at 8:37 AM - link - Comments (6)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday December 7, 2004
So, mom, how kinky is your daughter?

Is anyone watching MTV's Date My Mom? The show is kind of cool. It's great to see these moms have such a fun time dating cute and really younger men. The interactions between young studs and hip moms is sweet at times. On the other hand, it's disturbing to hear these guys ask questions about the daughters. Like, "is your daughter really flexible." "does she like to party and dance on tables" or is she "really manly." It seems so wrong, like the lack of a boundry or something. It's a mom, not a sorority sister. Also, the ending is mean, because the guys diss the girls to the moms' faces. Despite all this, I can't help but watch.

Posted by j.go at 10:29 AM - link - Comments (5)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday November 3, 2004
Depressing Election. Depressing TV.

The election is totally harshing my mellow, man. Honestly, I will never visit a red state. So, in light of today's depressing mood, I'm going to chat up the most depressing show on television: Laguna Beach.

I caught a marathon on Sunday and it totally scared the shit out of me. These youngsters are the most hateful, shallow and evil people on television. I fear for the future, which is a hard thing for me to say, because it makes me feel old.

First off, there's Stephen, who everyone thinks is hot, but, seems really skinny and lame. He is totally using LC to boost his ego. She loves him, but he's so not worthy (and she's not that great to start). In one episode, he's going off to bang LC, but turns to his quasi-girlfriend (and uber-bitch) Kristin and says, "I love you." That so is going to make LC feel like shit when she watches the ep. Second, when Kristin does some table dancing the night before in Cabo, Stephen goes insane and starts calling her a slut and whore. So not classy. These kids treat sex as a weapon against people they supposedly care about. If you're mean to me, I'll just fuck somebody else. Take that.

There's also this super tense scene when LC and her friend Lo run into Christina at the nail shop. Well, Christina didn't invite them to her birthday party the night before out of spite. AWKWARD. Also, Christina's friend Morgan looks like a chipmunk, but, dimmer. I know that's not a nice thing to say, but, she's a bitch, so I'm not pulling punches today.

Posted by j.go at 10:30 AM - link - Comments (7)
Filed Under: General Reality
Friday October 15, 2004
Eight Things About Manhunt

Please tell me you watched Manhunt: The Search for America�s Most Gorgeous Male Model, not to be confused with Manhunt, the not-safe-for-work gay cruising site! This was seriously bad television, right from the start, but in a really great way.
1. The opening sequence had me worried that I�d missed a bunch of episodes already, because there had been a million elimination rounds and I never had the opportunity to feel inadequate from all the hotness. I felt very late to the man-flesh party.
2.The second round of eliminations got rid of some real ugloids.
3. Bruce Hulse is beyond awful. He�s got the delivery of a really bad porn actor and you can tell he�s just sucking his gut in the entire time.
4. I don�t get the point of boots and briefs together. Never have, and never will.
5. I think Rob Williams is cute, just for the name. He�s almost two-dimensionally thin.
6. Kevin P. is hot, but a total ass, which makes him even hotter. He�s followed by Blake.
7. John�s eyes scare me.
8. I love it when models cry.

Posted by j.go at 1:18 PM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday October 7, 2004
Tree-Huggin' Liberals & Beer-Drinkin' Rednecks

All I have to say is that last night's Wife Swap was only, like, the greatest show ever. EVER. Don't believe me? Check out this picture. I told you. [photo nicked from from angsti-dent prone]

Posted by freakgirl at 9:32 AM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: General Reality
Sunday September 26, 2004
My, What Pretty Claws

We haven't talked much about the new season of America's Next Top Model so far--but the first episode was only a warm-up anyway, showing the selection of girls who have already been named on the show's website (did someone miss a meeting?). Today's NYT has a good article about Tyra Banks and her involvement in the show. Actually, the real reason to read it is to get the catty-as-always comments from Janice Dickinson.

(The link to the story shouldn't require you to sign in, if I did it right.)

Posted by Max at 8:13 AM - link - Comments (2)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday September 14, 2004
More Like the BeneSUCKtor

Okay, I was both right and wrong when I picked The Benefactor as one of the shows that I would probably like this season. I was right when I said it would prbably be garbage; I was wrong when I said it might be a show to watch. This was truly awful stuff--completely boring and a total ripoff (in tone and concept) of The Apprentice. Mark Cuban seems to have zero charisma (and bad taste in shirts), and the contestants are nothing--no one to root for, no one worth hating. And though ABC probably thought it would be "shocking" to eliminate three people in one night, they failed to realize that eliminating people because of a seemingly inocuous comment/a bad interview/a poorly-played Jenga game (!) makes for absolutely NO drama. Cross it off the list (and let's see if it even makes it through a full season of episodes).

Posted by Max at 6:49 AM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday August 26, 2004
Remember When Ally Tried to Make a Burrito?

I guess we'll never get that much-anticipated second season of Rich Girls. Unfortunately, we may have to deal with a reality show starring Ally Hilfiger's father instead. YAWN.

Posted by freakgirl at 7:36 AM - link - Comments (7)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday August 3, 2004
Played Out

I think that UPN has effectively canceled out any of the good will it earned thanks to the surprisingly good Amish in the City. How could the universe turn on the network so quickly? Allow me to present The Player.

You know, I often joke that certain TV shows make me feel bad about humanity, but I never really mean it. Well, I never meant it--until now. As I told J. Go during a chat tonight: "This show is so bad I think I can hear Jesus crying." With a premise stolen from the far superior (and underrated) Cupid and contestants straight from the reject pile at Elimidate and Cheaters, this show needs to be taken out back and shot in the head. That's right--I'm hating the player and the game. Take that, UPN!

Just some observations here--and screw spoiler warnings, because anyone who has that much of an emotional investment in this show needs to go in for some serious counseling.

1. When did American women start being attracted to men who were so alarmingly obnoxious, delusional about their own appeal, and who talk like Will Smith in his Fresh Prince days? Single ladies--is this really the best pool to be drawing from?

2. What's with the weird chest-bumping hugs that guys do now? Is that somehow "less gay" than a plain ol' hug?

3. Can we retire the word "player" from the English language now? Because I think the dozens of times we heard it used last night pretty much killed it.

And the guys that Dawn (who's pretty much "Klassy" with a K, if you get my meaning) gets to choose from form a sort of peanut gallery of sleazeballs: Alex is the creepiest one, swollen-cranium Marvin is the most arrogant (which says a lot in this crowd), and Eian seems to be going for some kind of rico suave/date rapist vibe that really isn't working. God, they're all so awful! I'll never skip Big Brother again, I swear.

Posted by Max at 10:36 PM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday July 29, 2004
Amish People Can't Swim

So. Did you watch it? You did, didn't you? You were just too curious. I admit, I missed the first thirty minutes, then I got a frantic email from Megan ordering me to turn it on. I did, just in time to see Mose nearly drown in the ocean. Poor guy. Verdict? I'll probably tune in again. I think the interesting thing about the show is not the shock value (which was surprisingly low), but how centered and mature these Amish kids are compared to the mooks they're living with. I'm hoping it doesn't rub off.

Question: I don't know much about the Amish, but what is up with the vague accent? I can't place it. Also, some of them talk like robots; in fact, Mose sounds like Stephen Hawking. (I'm going to hell now.) Just an odd speech pattern, I guess.

Posted by freakgirl at 7:35 AM - link - Comments (14)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday July 28, 2004
Poor Mama

For all three of you that watched The Restaurant, here's a little footnote on what's going on now.

Posted by freakgirl at 8:37 AM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Monday July 26, 2004
Straights Revealed!

Not that anyone cares anymore, but if you had been wondering how the whole Playing It Straight drama turned out (you remember that show--FOX ditched it after three episodes and we never found out which guy Jackie chose and whether her choice was into guys or girls), you can actually go to the show's annoying Flash website and read summaries of all eight episodes, including the big finale. To save you a little bit of time, Jackie ended up picking Banks, he was straight, and they each got half a million dollars. At last, some closure!

(Oh, and looking back at my guesses, I was pretty much wrong on everybody...though I stand by my answer on Ryan, no matter what he says.)

[via TV Barn]

Posted by Max at 12:34 PM - link - Comments (1)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday July 21, 2004
You Annoy Me

Has anyone watched Things I Hate About You yet? My friend and I just watched it on TiVo, and we laughed our collective butts off. I think we loved Patrick. Anyone that can burp that loud, sustain it that long, and do a dinosaur imitation at the same time is a-okay in my book. Mo Rocca is an excellent host ("I find you both extremely irritating") and I'm hoping it continues to be a fun little show.

Posted by freakgirl at 11:49 AM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday July 14, 2004
Casino Troubles

This well-argued post over at TVGASM perfectly explains why The Casino, a show that I really wanted to like (and that I keep watching every week for some unexplainable reason), is such a disappointment. What's odd is that it is following the same game plan as The Simple Life 2 (to just go ahead and be open about the staged nature of the whole enterprise), but Paris and Nicole are really thriving within the format. Tom and Tim, however, just get more boring with each passing week.

Posted by Max at 9:07 AM - link - Comments (2)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday June 15, 2004
The Casino

I've been meaning to post about FOX's The Casino (warning--big obnoxious sound clip) all day today--sorry it took me so long to get around to it. In any case, I wasn't really impressed, but since Mark Burnett's behind it, I'm willing to give it another shot next week.

My main problem was that the show really didn't show us anything we haven't seen before on countless "On the Inside"/ "Behind the Scenes" documentary-type shows on cable. And since FOX is making Burnett edit the juicier stuff out of each episode, there's nothing to keep us coming back week after week. Don't get me wrong--you really do root for Tim and Tom (the two main investors in the hotel), but I wasn't sucked in the way I wanted to be.

Side note: Isn't it interesting how reality TV is the only place you see people smoke on television anymore (Tim smokes through much of the episode)? I'm a non-smoker, so maybe it jumps out at me a little more than usual, but even the bad guys on dramas don't smoke anymore. Wasn't smoking once one of the great signifiers of "keep an eye on this shady character"? Now the only place we see it is when the Real World people go out on their deck or the Big Brother housemates head for the patio.

Posted by Max at 8:21 PM - link - Comments (6)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday June 2, 2004
The Restaurant

Sorry I wasn't around to remind ya'll, but NBC seems to have dumped off the last two episodes of The Restaurant, and it happened this past weekend. Our TiVo caught them, and I've watched the first one so far. Who is that crazy bitch who was yelling at that sweet boy for making his staff some coffee? Yowza. I was embarassed for Rocco, Jeff, and pretty much THE ENTIRE WORLD when they dragged out their dirty laundry for those therapists. I hope they comped their meal. I'll watch the last episode tonight, although I doubt anything will be resolved.

Posted by freakgirl at 7:28 AM - link - Comments (4)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday May 27, 2004
Too Gross for FOX???

Well, FOX has dropped one of their most objectionable reality shows to date (although I think The Swan is now and always Number One). I wouldn't have tuned in anyway, but I'm glad to see it's gone. And for me not to tune in, you must know that it's extremely objectionable. Because I watched My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee, for the love of god.

Posted by freakgirl at 11:56 PM - link - Comments (2)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday April 29, 2004
I wanna be MADE into someone with a brain stem

After watching last night's installment of MADE � Movie Stars � I fear for the future of America. Those girls (The Olsen-lites) were all about celebrity. They had no understanding that acting might be a profession or an industry. I loved it when they were talking about how much they loved Sofia Coppola, but quickly admitted they hadn't seen her movies. The journalist interviewing them actually did a double take. And, of the sisters, I think Katelyn was way more talented than Megan, despite her squeaky voice.

Posted by j.go at 8:37 AM - link - Comments (2)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday April 28, 2004
The Scariest People on Earth

Has anyone been watching Showbiz Moms and Dads? I finally watched the first two episodes last night. Oh my goodness. Here's my quick take on everyone: The Barrons - not all that interesting to me yet. Although Jordan is extremely rude to her mother and her mom just lets her. Annoying. The Klingensmiths - the whole scene with her son signing autographs for no reason freaked me out. I think she has built up this kid for a pretty big disappointment. The only thing I can see him doing is being Aaron Carter's stunt double or something. The Moseley-Stephens - the mom seems incredibly grounded, and her daughter's performance as a victim of molestation was astounding. Plus I love the way they dance together. The Nutters - seriously, the name says it all. Mr. Nutter seems as gay as Mr. Garrison on South Park, and his behavior with the guys who want to make a television show about his family was appalling. The Tyes - just short of child abuse. The scene with them doing Emily's hair while she is crying and eating a Pixie Stick at 8:00 in the morning was horrifying. I find the whole idea of putting children in bathing suits and makeup more than a little disturbing. Plus, the mom really needs to get a life. They are definitely the hardest to watch. Just, yipes.

Posted by freakgirl at 10:00 AM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday April 27, 2004
Captain Douchebag?

Last night's episode of The Restaurant was entertaining. I'm already enjoying this season much more than last, although it's pretty tough to choose sides in a battle where both (Jeffrey and Rocco) are total a-holes. But they are nothing compared to the 20 year old who's "been in the business for fifteen years," Drew, aka "Captain Craphole." I can barely discuss him, except to say that I applauded when Jeffrey fired him. And how about that new bartender? Jerk. 1987 called, it wants its hair back. Oh, and Rocco? Grow a pair and start learning about the business and stop walking around crying on your mother's shoulder. Oh, and Jeffrey? Just shut up. Actually, my favorite person on the show is probably that waitress who somehow knows EVERYTHING and has some magical ability to spread the word through the entire staff within two minutes. Less talky, more worky, lady.

Posted by freakgirl at 7:17 AM - link - Comments (6)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday April 20, 2004
Pasta with a Side of Ego

I did watch The Restaurant last night. Wow. Rocco's editing has gone from bad to worse. Does ANYONE like him? (Besides Mama) And what was up with that slut from the book signing? Was she actually putting her tongue in his ear? That's nasty. And what was up with the Italian clown chef? We never even got to see Rocco's stupid birthday feast. I'll tell you this; I already know who I hate. That kid. That intern, the one who's what, seventeen? He doesn't even know Rocco and is sitting there talking trash about him; talk about being unprofessional. Asking if he can boss the staff around? Making his "oh my GOD" comments when he looks at the budget? Staring around the restaurant like he just smelled a fart? What a little pissant. I do have to say that when they showed the coming attractions at the end, and that NBC voiceover guy bellowed, "AND THE BARTENDER NO ONE CAN STAND!" I peed myself a little from laughing.

Posted by freakgirl at 7:23 AM - link - Comments (6)
Filed Under: General Reality
Monday April 19, 2004
Meatballs and Mayhem

Is anyone planning on tuning in tonight to the second season opener of The Restaurant? I grew weary of the show last time, but I have to admit that my curiousity is piqued at this upcoming legal battle. I remember Chodorow giving me the screaming willies last season; I think I'll tune in to watch him try to destroy Rocco. Because as hot as Rocco is, I was tired of his smug face after about four episodes.

Posted by freakgirl at 10:14 AM - link - Comments (5)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday April 8, 2004
Stereotyping Works

Dudes. I so deliciously adore MADE. It's so the best show ever. Ever! Last night's season premiere was a delight. Like the best episodes, you are on a journey with the MADE candidate. You go from being interested, to disliking them for slacking on their dream, then cheering them on, then crying when they become Made, even if they ultimately fail to reach the goal. Britney had me crying like the weepy bitch that I am!

Let's face it. The girl is a spoiled southern belle. She so fit all my stereotypes about the south, and her friends kept those assumptions alive. Maybe it's okay to make baseless assumptions about people, because television justifies them for us. Yeah, TV! Anyway, I loved Britney and the numerous syllables she needed to say "bye" and the complete lack of rhythm she brought to the dance floor. I kept thinking that it must be painful watching her and Jimbo get their groove on, because they so don't have groove. You know Debbie Allen would have screamed "sweat, baby girl" and kicked her ass to the curb faster than the perfectly tempered John. Clearly, MADE coaches are made of sterner stuff.

In the end, Britney surprises me, and really works hard. She won't even play hooky to be with Jimbo!!! She must have channeled some Scarlet O'Hara determination to get through the trainings. I totally wanted her to make the final cut, man. Even though she didn't go all the way, Britney will always be a winner in my eyes.

Posted by j.go at 12:22 PM - link - Comments (2)
Filed Under: General Reality
Monday April 5, 2004
But I've GOTTA Know!

This is kind of old news (and not a travesty on the level of the demise of Wonderfalls), but FOX has pulled Playing It Straight from the schedule--before the whole "Who's Gay / Straight" issue was even resolved!

I know this happens to series all the time, but it just seems weird (I was going to say "unfair," but that makes me sound like a whiny 8-year-old) to pull a show like this before we know how it all turns out. Would it have killed them to run the last three episodes? Guess I should go to the show's site and print out the summaries so I can pick up all of the storylines this summer (like they're really going to bring it back).

Screw it...It's not fair! :-)

Posted by Max at 5:31 PM - link - Comments (0)
Filed Under: General Reality
Friday March 26, 2004
Plain Jane

This was the subject of much discussion a few weeks back, and now NBC has announced they WILL be doing a female version of Average Joe. [link from tv tattle] I'm quite curious to see what a television network thinks an "average woman" looks like.

Posted by freakgirl at 11:42 AM - link - Comments (8)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday March 23, 2004
It's So Over

Well, it's Tuesday, people. Another new episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is here. Last summer, the show seemed hotter than a stripper at a prison rodeo. Now, I don't hear people talking about the show. It's lost the buzz. I'll admit, it's no longer appointment television for me, mostly because Jai is so irritating. He seems like a gay muppet. So, I'm asking, is the show over, or has it just settled into a more realistic pop culture groove? Is anyone actually still watching the Fab Five?

Posted by j.go at 12:24 PM - link - Comments (20)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday March 16, 2004
Average Who?

Am I just too cynical, or is NBC trying to get away with broadcasting an "Average Jane" kind of show by calling it something else (which makes it seem much sweeter and aw-good-for-that-guy)? None of the girls were even close to unattractive (unlike some of those Average Joe guys, who really were the pits), but don't you think Adam was expecting a busload of supermodels to pull up to his door?

That said, I think I see now why a real Average Jane (or Plain Jane or whatever they'd call it) would never go over with the American public. I felt so sad for each of those girls that got kicked off last night. I'm a sucker for funny, personality-filled ladies, and so many of the women on the show seemed like they'd be fun to be around. Of course, several will probably turn out to be needy psychos (the genre demands it), but the overall vibe last night was really positive. Well, until he ditched the first four.

Note to Jen L. and Summer: Tone it down, girls--you're going to scare Adam.

Posted by Max at 9:00 PM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Saturday March 13, 2004
Playing It Straight

I was going to wait until Monday to post about this, but I was worried that I would forget names and details and such--I gotta start taking better notes. Anyway, raise your hand if you watched Playing It Straight this weekend (please tell me that I'm not alone on this one, too, Forever Eden-stizz).

Of course, I liked it--maybe it's me, but it just doesn't seem quite as mean-spirited as I thought it would be. Even the theme song is fun Normally, this light touch would be a disadvantage (I like my reality TV as cruel and manipulative as possible), but I don't find that to be the case here. A lot of the credit has to go to Jackie, the "victim" of the show who has to pick a straight guy out of the mixed group if she wants to win half a million dollars (if she picks a gay guy, he gets a full million and she gets zilch). Jackie--so far--isn't weird or hysterical or freakish or ice-cold. She seems normal and funny and somewhat into the spirit of the game, even though you can tell she wants the money. What can I say--I like her! That's not to say that the show is perfect--the stereotypes are flying fast and loose, but none of it seems mean...yet. One guy was genuinely worried that he was going to get (mistakenly?) pegged as gay just because he brought a hair dryer! I mean, you have to laugh at that.

Unfortunately, the official site is one of the usual FOX Flash nightmares, so I can't directly link to bios. However, there is a "What do you think, America?" section where you can at least see some bigger pictures. Here are my guesses on a few of the guys (according to America's voters, every single guy is gay--now that would be a twist):
Ryan: Gay--and a total jerkwad. Jackie, kick his nasty ass off now.
Banks: Gay--I think he slipped up and said "us" at one point when it wasn't necessary.
Eddie: Gay--I seriously think he said "Holy Sarah Jessica Parker" when he saw Jackie in a revealing dress. Paging Jack McFarland!
Brad: I don't care either way, but I want him kicked off (he and Ryan are the most obnoxious guys) just because of his snit over the hair dryer incident. Probably straight, though.
Alex, Bill, and Luciano strike me as straight, too--and I knew that both Louis and Gust (yes, Gust) weren't gay. Jackie needs to fine-tune the gaydar.

I'm not sure about everybody else--if FOX would give us more shots of their footwear (my friend Emily picked Franklin as straight on Boy Meets Boy because of his man-sandals), this would be a lot easier!

Posted by Max at 6:19 PM - link - Comments (5)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday March 4, 2004
"Simp" is right

I just watched last night's Newlyweds and I think my head exploded. Between Jessica's fear of the guy with no thumb and the discussion she had with her mother about bratwurst (or "brastwur," as Jess calls it), I could feel my brain slowly melting and dripping out of my ears. It was like that scene near end of Billy Madison, "...what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Posted by freakgirl at 12:44 PM - link - Comments (0)
Filed Under: General Reality
Wednesday March 3, 2004
Big Ol' Dose of Reality

Here's a rundown of the 19 (!!!) reality shows that will be premiering or returning this month. I have no doubt that we will all have our say about them soon enough.

The first one to be discussed, of course, has to be Forever Eden, which premiered this past Monday night. Now, I was a huge fan of Paradise Hotel, so i was really looking forward to this show, as it was being touted as Hotel with the drama turned up to 11. But the brilliance and fun of Paradise Hotel was that you didn't realize you were watching a completely manipulated "reality soap opera" (as opposed to the usual hook-up-then-get-voted-off type of show) until you had several episodes under your belt. And by that time, of course, you were addicted.

I think Forever Eden has stumbled out of the gate by making its artificial nature and clearly producer-rigged "plots" too blatant from the get-go. Let's face it, the show is little more than a series of poorly-edited reaction shots and arbitrary (and ultimately laugh-out-loud stupid) "twists and turns." It takes me about 7 minutes to TiVo through an episode, once I've zipped through the "Coming up next on Forever Eden" moments and the replays of scenes we've already watched. Maybe it will get better when I get more invested in the "characters," but right now it's a shame to see a show with such trash-TV potential come off as such a boring mishmash.

That said, Matt, a.k.a. Captain Overbite, has got to go (I'd link directly to him, but the FOX site for the show is horrible and won't let me). He is getting on my last nerve.

Posted by Max at 3:29 AM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Sunday February 29, 2004
What Not to Wear

Finally! A new series of What Not To Wear (the superior U.K. version, not the awful U.S. clone) will be starting a week from Tuesday on BBC America. It looks like the first couple of episodes are going to be somewhat celebrity-oriented, but I hope it then returns to the normal format. Whatever they do is fine with me, as long as I get my weekly dose of Su and (especially) Trinny.

Posted by Max at 11:34 AM - link - Comments (0)
Filed Under: General Reality
Forever Eden Begins

This is just a reminder to set your TiVos for tomorrow's premiere of Forever Eden. It seems like the producers are being really vague about those little things like rules, prizes, or what the actual "game" is--although we all know that they're not being coy, they just don't know. I predict another Paradise Hotel experience, where everything seems made up on the spot and the "rules" only apply for about 5 minutes or so before they're changed again. Here's some more background on the show that includes a few details, but not many.

Posted by Max at 8:35 AM - link - Comments (0)
Filed Under: General Reality
Saturday February 21, 2004
Forever Eden

Forever Eden, the much-anticipated (okay, maybe only by me) new show that promises to be better/trashier/more addictive than Paradise Hotel, has a "double premiere" over 2 nights on March 1st and 2nd. The official FOX website is still incomplete, but here's a photo gallery of the first eleven contestants. Of course, the pictures don't answer the most important question: Which ones are a big dose of crazy? Because that's what we really want to see.

Posted by Max at 11:10 AM - link - Comments (4)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday February 19, 2004
Buh-bye

I am so thrilled that Catie got booted from "America's Next Top Model" on UPN. I am so sick of her crying constantly. I so won't miss you.

It seems odd that Tyra gets to critique anyone's acting skills. The girl cannot deliver a line to save her push up. As for other judges, I so can't handle Jay Manuel's hair. It is in such contrast to nature, that it just looks freakish to me. Though, I'm all about the sexy Nigel Barker. He makes me bark.

Who do you think is getting kicked off the runway next? I'm guessing Camille.

Posted by j.go at 11:28 AM - link - Comments (6)
Filed Under: General Reality
Tuesday February 17, 2004
Fear Factor Winners

Okay, my Fear Factor: Couples posts are now over, because the best couple actually took home the prize. Even better than seeing justice prevail, though, was watching uber-bitch Meg break down before the next-to-last stunt and effectively pull herself and her jerk-ass boyfriend out of the running for the big prize. Gee, I wonder if they're still together?

Posted by Max at 9:23 AM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Monday February 16, 2004
Final Fear Factor: Couples

Just a reminder that the final episode of Fear Factor: Couples is tonight. If you care at all about good triumphing over evil, you must watch and root against Adam and Meg.

I sometimes think that I'm the only person regularly watching this show--I even have a hard time finding students who watch it. I'm not worried, though, because its ratings are actually pretty good. It's going to be around for a long time. (That same article also points out that one of the competing couples has already gotten divorced--what a shocker.)

Posted by Max at 9:10 AM - link - Comments (3)
Filed Under: General Reality
Thursday February 12, 2004
Shandi!

My current two picks to win America's Next Top Model (I might have to overdose on Robitussin if the awful Camille takes it home) are the lovely Yoanna and the striking-in-an-alien-way Shandi. If you watched this week, you saw Shandi admit that she had a police record and a history of drug use. It was only a matter of time, of course (on this case a couple of days), before The Smoking Gun brought us the details.

Personally, I think it means that Shandi is a very forward-thinking girl--how progressive to get her drug abuse started before she becomes a high-fashion model! Most of those girls take the lazy way out and start afterwards.

Posted by Max at 4:03 PM - link - Comments (4)
Filed Under: General Reality