Man vs. Wild returns May 2nd on Discovery Channel. A video preview after the jump!
Seasoned adventurer Bear Grylls returns to Discovery Channel with six of the most intense and daring episodes of MAN VS. WILD yet. Premiering May 2 at 9 PM (ET/PT), new episodes of the second season of MAN VS. WILD will take Bear through some of the harshest conditions on Earth as he parachutes into the frigid Siberian Tundra, braves flash floods in Southern Africa and journeys through Indonesia’s highly erratic ‘Ring of Fire’. Season two of MAN VS. WILD, which began in November of 2007, brings Bear Grylls face to face with the grueling task of navigating each remote location, sharing invaluable survival strategies along the way.
Man vs. Wild - Eating Giant Beetle Larvae
I'm going to record tonight's premiere of High School Reunion over on TVLand. The class is 1987, which is only one year off from my graduating year of 1986. I'm just kind of curious to see people in the same part of their lives as I am right now, you know? Trailer after the jump.
Dirty Jobs is celebrating its 150th dirty job! This two-hour 150th Extravaganza episode premieres Tuesday, October 23 from 9-11 PM (ET/PT) on Discovery Channel. A preview after the jump.
Who Wants To Be a Superhero debuts tonight. We watched it last year and it is total and utter cheese. Summer fun.
Did anyone see Rock of Love with Bret Michaels last night? HO LEE CRAP. These skankbags make the girls from Flavor of Love look like debutantes, I shit you not. I was transfixed.
The finale of Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School is this weekend! To celebrate, we brought back our old pal Becky "Buckwild" Johnston to answer a couple of questions. Becky's made it to the Final Four. Will she win?
FG: We saw you cry several times during "Charm School." What about "Charm School" was so much more emotional and difficult than a show like "Flavor of Love?"
BW: "Charm School" was more personal than "Flavor of Love." On "FOL" we were getting to know Flav - on "Charm School" we are getting to know ourselves. That can be a scary thing especially when you have as many personalities as I do.
FG: Seriously, is Schatar for real?
BW: Well I have never seen her bleed so she may be a robot but I think even Vicki from "Small Wonder" was less strange than Schatar.
FG: Do you think Brooke get her own spinoff - "The Whore of Charm School?"
BW: She should get her own vaccination.
FG: Not counting yourself, who out of the entire cast do you think deserves to win the most?
BW: Come on now that's easy Saaphyri the bitch had no floors a year ago!
FG: If you do win, what do you plan to do with the 50 grand?
BW: Make the most of it reinvest and create more business opportunities for myself.
So there you have it. Visit Becky on MySpace and don't forget to tune in on Sunday for the finale!
I'm mulling over covering the new season of Top Chef. Please respond in the comments if you'd be into that.
Don't forget, Tori Spelling's reality show starts tonight!
I don't usually watch ATNM, but I tuned into the second half of last night's premiere, and immediately fell in love with this piece of work. It's a shame she had to go because, within five minutes of her being onscreen, I had perfected an impression of her that I later showcased to the geekboy. "I know, RIIIIGHT?"
Did you watch last night's Top Chef? ARE THEY EFFING KIDDING ME? It's seldom that a simple television show gets me seeing red, but I was out of my mind last night. I loved this show, I loved that it focused on cooking and not weird reality show manipulation. Not anymore.
Check out my interview with Becky Buckwild from Flavor of Love 2!
I'm not gonna lie. I watched the second season premiere of Flavor of Love last night. Thank GOD. You guys, there was a girl fight, complete with hairpulling and kicking and people yelling, "YOU DO NOT PULL ON $800 HAIR!" These women are all out of their minds, acting for the cameras, and could NOT be more skankalicious. At the end of the episode, somebody poos on the floor. I AM SO NOT KIDDING. I love you, VH1.
Don't forget that Work Out starts tonight on Bravo.
A winner was randomly picked from the comments and...congratulations, Michael, you have won a tee-shirt! Email me for details.
For those of you who watched that looney Marguerite on Trading Spouses last week, here's a tribute remix mp3.
My friend Amanda and I were discussing the premiere of the new season of The Biggest Loser today (over lunch, appropriately enough), and we agreed on two things:
1. Watching this show is a great way to get your diet/gym groove back.
2. Dude, the guys this season are really really big!
Seriously, though--while the women are pretty much what you would expect for this type of show (attractive women who still seem active and happy despite their extra pounds), they totally went for the seriously overweight guys this time around, all hovering close to 300 pounds at least, with many of them well over that. It makes for good TV at the weigh-in, though, since several people were showing losses of over 20 pounds for one week. This week's reject was the relatively-lightweight Ruben, who pretty much gave the rest of his teammates (including weird and seemingly still 'roid-raging Matt) the finger by continuing to lose some serious weight after he was kicked off.
Just like last season, I'm not going to invest in any players until a few more get kicked off, and then I'll be staring, fascinated and jealous, as the remaining players get thinner and thinner.
(Even though I was disappointed not to see any follow-up stories from last year's group, it was nice to find out that you can read them online. Season 1 winner Ryan still looks great!)
Okay, so it's probably wrong to open up some discussion about Martha on the day the first show aired, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Of course, I mostly liked it (I love this woman), but I'm honest enough to admit there are some things that need to be fixed. The set is classic Martha, but it may be a little too bright and sterile for a talk show (I like the folks running around in the kitchen in the background, though). And let's face it--Martha's strength has never been interviewing people unless she's really passionate about the subject (watch her dig into a segment about quilts or depression glass on the old show if you want to know what I'm talking about); the "What are you plugging?" interview makes her seem a little stiff and wooden. I hope that the show finds a steady tone and a voice and lets Martha's wicked--even ballsy--side come out with her guests. A Martha that's just a little bit mean and a little bit better than us: THAT'S the Martha we love!
Are we all watching Kill Reality? I love it. All those famewhores trapped in a house, trying to out-famewhore each other? Good times, people. I am unfamiliar with the work of Toni "Paradise Hotel" Ferrari, but wow, I'm enjoying the crap out of her on this show. I'm NOT enjoying Real World Tonya - just put down the drink and go away. She slept with Jonny Fairplay. Just, ew. Real World Steven and Survivor Jenna Lewis are the world's most annoying couple, and hello, didn't she just get married a little while ago? And release a porn tape? What is her problem? And why does she call Steven "StevenHill" as if there are fifty Stevens wandering around the property? And Rob Cesternino is still one of my favorite reality stars ever. Referring to Toni as "The Swiss Army Knife of cast members" was hilarious.
In a surprise move (well, it was a surprise for me), Jerry ditches Anwar and creates a final "kept man" showdown between tall toothy Austen and little mouthy Seth. I am totally for Seth here--not only do I fail to see Austen's physical appeal, but I also think he's mega-bland and really boring. Jerry will make her ultimate choice this Thursday night.
I admit that I have been sucked into Situation: Comedy after one episode. I love reality TV, and I love stupid sitcoms, so it was a total no-brainer.
The final two competing shows were picked by the end of last night's premiere episode, but I won't spoil it for you in case you're planning to catch one of the countless reruns this week. I will say, though, that neither show sounds particularly interesting (NBC obviously wanted to go very safe with this one)--but I'm going to keep watching to look at the unavoidable drama during the rewriting, casting, and production.
I assume that everyone out there is watching--or at least thought about watching--Kill Reality on E! I wasn't going to watch it at all, but a friend told me it was a must-see, because "It gives you everything you want from reality TV, and you don't have to even worry about any kind of competition going on." I gave it a shot and sure enough, it's addictive and awful. To me, it's like watching one of the RW/RR challenges, but without the stupid competitions. Instead, it's just 100% heinous as these sad reality "stars" claw at each other in hopes of getting air time and show us, time and time agin, why no one should stop taking his or her medication without a doctor's approval. In the "particularly awful" category are super-slutty Tonya, disgusting Jonny Fairplay, and obviously manic-depressive Toni. Her palpable desperation and hopelessness last night were almost moving, until she got all "typically Toni" and you once again realized that she is KRAY-ZEE.
The new Discovery Channel show called Dirty Jobs has a great premise and is really fascinating, even if the host is a bit grating (more about that later). The basic idea is that Mike Rowe hangs out with the people who do the jobs that most of us take for granted--garbagemen, sewer inspectors, roadkill collectors, and so on--and shows us how they do their jobs and keep us from ever even having to think about it. On last night's debut, he collected garbage, worked at a recycling plant, helped make compost, tagged sharks, and visited a junkyard. Good stuff, but I'm really looking forward--in my sad I-love-Fear Factor way--to seeing him get into some really messy stuff over the next few weeks.
The one downside to the show is the host himself. Mike Rowe seems like a nice enough guy, but he's just a little too breezy and silly-acting for my tastes. (I do like how he's prone to yelling "Holy crap!" at any moment, though.) It looks like this show is a variation of a segment that he used to host on local TV in San Francisco.
After a day of silly new-agey activities and a few alternative-medicine procedures, Jerry had her potential Kept boys hypnotized for some good old-fashioned chair-humping fun. At the end of it all, she decided to dump Maurizio, though I still can't quite figure out why (something about "control issues"). Anyway, we're down to the final three, and my money is on Seth hitting the road next week to make way for the Anwar vs. Austen showdown.
If I didn't know better, I'd think last night's installment of 30 Days was subtitled "...with a sh**ty, ungrateful teenage daughter." Too harsh on my part? Perhaps. But couldn't Michiel's daughter at least pretend to acknowledge that her (admittedly too permissive) mother was doing the experiment to try and connect with her and to show a little concern for her own child? Instead, it was, "Aw mom, I can drink way more than that--and I black out when I do it!" Listen, y'all, I saw that episode of A Different World where Whitley almost got date-raped, and based on that information and the clips of the daughter's social activities, I think I can make a pretty good guess about what's going to happen to ol' Jessica at least once in her illustrious college "career." It won't be pretty. I'm making a (sort-of) joke here, but seriously--this girl is headed for a bad scene or two.
Enough harping about the daughter's awfulness--I was glad to see that the show didn't involve something ridiculous like the mom moving into a sorority house. Instead, she just had to drink. And drink. And then drink some more. My stomach hurts just thinking about her nauseating (literally) month. And maybe she was naive to think that she would be able to open her skank daughter's eyes to the dangers of binge drinking, but hey--at least she wasn't afraid to jump in with both feet. And forget the lost-cause daughter--Michiel will always have the youngest son, who seemed like a sweetheart (like when he made his mom eat the English muffin...which she later puked back up). Plus, she was a kind of a hottie clean-livin' soccer mom, was she not? See what moderation can do for you later in life, kids?
Well, the epic drama that is Strip Search has come to an end, and I like to think that we've all grown as people because of it. To get down to the magic number of dancers, one more guy had to get the boot. This time, it was "the one whose name I can't remember but he looks like an even uglier Patrick Swayze." The remaining dancers then put on a show that actually seemed sort of sad and low-rent, even for a tacky strip show. It turns out, the theme of the extravaganza was "a journey through American History," so if you're a teacher and are looking for exciting and educational field trip opportunities for your students, I think we've found your destination.
Still another very interesting installment of 30 Days last night, as Morgan took two city slickers (a guy who was a pretty good sport about the whole thing and a woman who was a nasty, self-centered bee-yotch the entire time) and dropped them right in the middle of hippie central to live off the land (and without any modern or environmentally-hazardous conveniences).
I have to admit that part of me found a certain appeal to the "Dancing Rabbit" lifestyle, even with the whole poop-recycling routine. I don't know if I could deal with the infrequent showering, though. Don't you know that place freakin' REEKS during the summer? And if one of those flower children even mentioned a drum circle, I'd be on the next plane out of Hippieland.
Hooray! Not only did super-smug Davis not make it to the final round of The Scholar, but he flamed out in a spectacular way, stunning everyone by missing an easy American history question after inexplicably mishearing "19th century" instead of "20th century." (Or maybe it was reversed--I forgot as soon as he got eliminated, which was all that mattered to me.)
In his place, we got the very deserving Amari, who joins Scot, Melissa, Milana, and Liz in next week's final challenge for the full-ride scholarship. I'm upset that Jeremy didn't make it to the final round, though--I wish there had been a "wild card" slot that would have let him in.
Well, last night's potentially cringe-inducing installment of 30 Days turned out to be not so bad after all. Maybe I'm cynical, but I don't think that the subject's month in San Francisco is necessarily going to keep him from thinking gays are going to hell or stop him from making some heinous "fag" jokes every now and then, but he did seem a little more open-minded at the end of the episode, so I guess that's something, right? And to be completely fair and honest, I'd need more than 30 days of living with a super-conservative or redneck family to start even pretending that I understand where they're coming from or the headspace they're in.
How sad that Richard finally seems interesting and socially adept and fun to watch (the piano bit was genuinely impressive) on the very show where he is eliminated. Seriously, he couldn't take the time to learn Mindi's middle name? That's kinda weak, if you ask me. But hooray for Chuck (who really could stand to loosen up a little bit) and Caitililililin (I get lost with those extra letters in the name) for taking home the big money. next week's reunion special looks fun, if only because of the return of Lauren, my favorite Beauty!
Being Bobby Brown is still resting on my TiVo--I can't wait to kick back and watch the insanity over the weekend. But if you saw it and would like to talk about the highs and lows (so to speak) of the premiere episodes, then have at it in the comments. Besides, no recap could compare with this brilliant one, complete with screen captures!
Have a great 4th--hope most of you are getting a long weekend out of the holiday.
The truly astonishing thing about this week's installment of 30 Days was not the relative level of comfort that the subject eventually found in a Muslim community, but rather that Morgan Spurlock was able to find a devout Christian willing to open himself up for the experience in the first place. I'm not slamming on devout Christians, but I do find that devout believers of any faith often have a lot of trouble investigating and accepting tenets of another faith.
Once again, I'm loving this show not because of the "fish out of water" aspect, but because I finish it feeling a little bit smarter. Three cheers for cartoons that explain stuff in easy metaphors! I know that this particular episode has come under fire from some groups because it allegedly glosses over other, more troubling aspects of the Islamic faith, but if I wanted a really in-depth examination of that sort of thing (this show's topic was "Being Muslim in America," not an overview of Islam), I'd be watching Frontline. (Besides, all of these yokels yammering about "splinter cells" shut up pretty quickly when you bring up militant right-wing and [allegedly] Christian militia groups.)
And so it seems we will be getting the much-anticipated Chuck vs. Richard showdown on next week's finale of Beauty and the Geek. I was hoping Richard would be gone by now (and if he wins I'll be pretty pissed), but it should make for some interesting competition, since both guys are totally willing to admit their complete dislike of each other.
Poor Shawn got way too much grief from Scarlet tonight for his role in their loss of the camping challenge; I think when someone is sick enough to puke, you can assume that they're not "wimping out" on you. It's not like this is some sort of Real World/Road Rules challenge, where the likely culprit would be a wicked hangover. Scarlet was a royal bee-yotch about it for the rest of the show, so I didn't shed a tear for her departure, to be honest.
I'm guessing that a lot of you out there aren't tuning in to The Scholar--you're missing some good stuff, though (maybe I find it more interesting because I'm a teacher?). In any case, this week was the penultimate (kick it, SAT words!) challenge to earn a spot in the final five, and though he came thisclose to winning, Davis choked again. If you're watching the show, you realize that this is a good thing. "Anybody but Davis" is the mantra around here.
Sweet math nerd Liz was this week's big winner (Davis even tried to diminish her victory by saying he "taught her well" for the showdown at the end--what a jerkwad, even if he is a young Democrat), and I couldn't be happier--I really would love her to take the whole thing in the final challenge, although it wouldn't kill me if Jeremy or mega-underdog Gerald triumphed instead. What would kill me, though, is another episode focusing on the stupid Max/Alyssa/Melissa love triangle. I thought there would be drama potential there, but then I realized it was drama of the high school variety (literally), and since I'm off the clock until mid-August, I don't want to see that mess.
This week's installment of 30 Days (link has audio) wasn't as emotionally wrenching or thought-provoking as last week's, but it was still highly informative, entertaining (I just really like Morgan Spurlock's on-air demeanor--he's a great host/narrator), and just a little scary. I was amazed to see that the crazy fitness/anti-aging regime could destroy that guy's sperm count so quickly. Children are definitely not in my future at all, so that particular side effect didn't really horrify me, but the fact that those supplements could mess with a basic body process like that so rapidly and significantly was a real eye-opener. As the show ended, I thought about all of the people out there who take stuff like that--not to the extent that the subject of the show did, but over a much longer period of time. In 10 or 20 or 40 years, are there going to be any lingering effects? But then I thought about another side of it--how much risk or damage to my body would I be willing to put up with if there really was a way to use drugs/hormones/steroids to lose weight and look and feel younger? I don't think I want to know the answer to that question.
Why is my TV making me think? Ow. Must go read US Weekly. In the meantime, you might find this old article from Andrew Sullivan interesting--he is (or was at the time) a proponent of testosterone therapy in some cases, although he noticed a few disturbing side effects as well.
Kind of a double delight going on with Kept and Strip Search this week, as both shows lost their most obnoxious contestants. On Kept, Anwar made a major move upward in the rankings and has now replaced the banished Jason as Jerry's clear favorite. Jon is still hanging in there, poor guy--he was just joking when he kept missing all of those questions at the beginning of the show, right? The best moment, though, was at the end, as Ricardo finally got ditched for being the utter slimeball that he is (though he insists it's because "Jerry and all those women was intimidated by me"). Maybe with him gone, break-dancing fool Slavko will end up being a little more tolerable.
Tolerable is not the word for Strip Search's Johnny, who not only behaved like a total idiot (what kind of person on a reality show gets mad because cameras keep following him around?) but blew his chance to "change his life completely" (okay, a little sarcasm there) by walking out on the show. The actual elimination at the end was sort of anticlimactic, although it was still a bit of a surprise. Who knew that chunky-booty Bryce would make it through another round? Even more mind-blowingly, who knew that a group of male strippers would practice a routine to a Belle & Sebastian song?
I am still shaking with rage and sadness at the outcome of tonight's installment of Beauty and the Geek. Why won't Richard leave? What will it take to get him out of the mansion? He stopped being funny about a million years ago, and now I just can't stand him. And lest you think, "Oh, be nice, Max--he's a little nerd who doesn't know what he's doing," I have to say that I couldn't disagree more. Having known people like Richard--and more importantly, having taught people like Richard--I know that he is 100% aware of what he's doing and how he's acting and how he appears to others. He's like a child addicted to negative attention, and he needs to be surrounded by more people like Chuck, who will keep telling him to shut the hell up and act right until it finally sinks in. Ugh!
I'm sorry, I really don't mean to sound so cruel about it, but people like Richard really make me scream inside. I can tolerate a lot of different personality types, but Richard's is one that I just cannot and will not deal with. It's sad that he's gotten this far in life without someone taking him aside to tell him to just chill out, isn't it?
Okay, enough of my scary emotional investment in this show. I am genuinely sad to see silly little Lauren go (she always made me smile), but at least Bill made it through the makeover stage, where he really ended up looking great! He wasn't Quasimodo or anything before, but he definitely improved the most. The sans glasses Shawn came out pretty well, too. I can't blame him for crapping out in the "get the digits" challenge, though--that would leave me trembling in a corner asking for my mom after about three seconds. Truly intimidating. Kudos to Chuck on his brilliant "I'm gay, so don't be afraid to give me your number" strategy. It violated the spirit of the challenge, in my opinion, but you can't argue with that kind of success.
Now that my favorite team is gone (maybe there will be an all-stars edition in a few years, and Joe and Lauren will be paired up in my dream team), I don't care who wins. As long as it isn't Richard. (If, God forbid, Richard and Mindi do win, I hope she holds him to his promise to give her all of the money. She deserves it.)
The Scholar gang (since they're so fresh-faced and innocent in comparison to most reality contestants, I like to think of them as sort of a brainy Scooby-Doo-type pack of teens, using their smarts to change the world one episode at a time) had to do a little social work this week, helping out a couple of after-school programs on the mean streets of L.A. Milana and Max were the team captains (though Davis sort of took over Max's project), and in the end, Milana pulled it out and claimed her spot in the final five. I'm okay with that outcome--she's pretty high-strung and driven, and I'm glad we don't have to watch her get all stressed out any more. Now if we can just get Liz on some Paxil, everything will be just fine.
Of course, the real drama here was all about the Alyssa/Melissa conflict: who was going to let Max hit it, 4.0 GPA-style? For about three minutes, those three got very not-so-fresh-faced-and-innocent on the dance floor...it was like all the kids had fallen into some sort of wormhole and popped out on a Real World/Road Rules challenge--but without the drinking, anger management issues, stupid t-shirts, and general bitchiness.
Listen, Strip Search--I don't ask a lot from my reality shows (let's be honest, I gleefully watch a lot of crap), but one thing I demand is an elimination every week, no matter what. Even if someone leaves voluntarily (or is threatening to), I need to see someone rejected by his or her "peers" in the last 10 minutes, with a follow-up "moment of reflection" from the ousted party. Otherwise, no dice. If I (speaking as the everyviewer) can't count on a consistent structure to the show, then someone behind the scenes (producer, editor, "story" person, whatever) is making some bad decisions and messing up the pacing of the show in a big way.
Oh, and please get rid of Johnny. He's disgusting and stupid. Thank you.
On the other end of the VH1 spectrum, Kept continues to be a delight (thank you, James Lipton). The theme this week seemed to be "missed opportunities," as Seth blew his big night out with Jerry (proving that there is a big difference between raunchy jokes and witty banter) and obvious front-runner Jason gave up his chance to be a high-profile reality show man-whore for a few seconds of bar nookie with a (kinda homely) actress. Hope it was worth it, pal. Now you can't even say that you outlasted freaking Ricardo.
Everyone repeat after me: Bring it home for the underdogs, Little Jon!
So who knew that a network owned by the evil minions over at Fox would actually give us a program as fascinating, sobering, and (hide your eyes, Republicans) compassionate as 30 Days? (Warning--the link has sound.)
Most of you probably know the premise already--one person steps into the shoes of another one for 30 days--and not all of the episodes look like they'll be packing the same emotional punch as the premiere does (next week's looks very light), but I still give this show a big thumbs-up.
This week, Morgan Spurlock and his good sport of a girlfriend try to live on minimum wage for 30 days. Needless to say, it's not an easy path--they fight, they deprive themselves of things most of us take for granted (decent food, leisure activities, heat), and in the end, they realize that it will take them months of work to pay for two very necessary emergency room visits (he hurts his wrist, she develops a urinary tract infection). I'll be honest--the show scared me and shocked me and made me very thankful for the things I have and the support network I have around me in case things should ever take a turn for the worse. Heavy stuff, but recommended viewing.
I find it hard to imagine that anyone was really sad to see Brad and Krystal lose in the elimination room last night. She's okay, I suppose, but he was charisma-free (to put it charitably) and that big ol' dollop of herpes on his bottom lip (has he been sneaking out at night to kiss Katie Holmes?) was a real distraction. I still want--nay, need--Richard* to leave Casa Geek, but maybe that will happen next week.
*I have to admit I chuckled when they changed Richard's tag line from "Never kissed a girl" to "Has kissed one girl" after he gave Krystal a surprise goodbye smack.
Although The Scholar still seems a little bit boring, I have to admit that this week's episode was a vast improvement, pace-wise and tension-wise, over last week's debut. Maybe it's just a matter of getting to know the kids as they move through each challenge. I really appreciate the fact that none of them are eliminated over the course of the show--more series would improve by following that strategy.
Anyway, this week's competitions were focused on motivation and school spirit, and gentle, hippie-ish Scot ended up with the coveted slot in the final five (I was okay with that, though I usually root against home-schoolers out of loyalty to my profession and belief in the benefits of a good public school education), with perpetual underdog Gerald losing out yet again. I would like to see the G-man make it to the finals, especially if it means that super-annoying Davis walks away with nothing. I'd also like one of the kids to go nuts and smack Scholarship Committee member Shawn across his weaselly, smug, Napoleon-complex face.
I'm running super-late on these recaps, because I've been out of town for several days--my apologies. But I did commandeer my host's TiVo while I was away (thanks, Tim), so I managed to keep up with the three big guilty pleasures in my current TV-watching life.
Strip Search finally settled down into the competition/elimination/"everyone living in the same house" phase we've been waiting for. I'm not sure if all of the guys are horrible dancers or if the routine is just supremely cheesy and bad, but it ain't pretty to watch. I used all of my psychic abilities to force the elimination of Johnny, but it was no use. He and his terrible eyebrows and disgusting shoe-polish hair will be bumping and grinding for yet another week.
It was another wonderful episode of Kept (you really should be watching this show, if only to hear Jerry Hall's insanely great half-Texas/half-British accent at work), this time focusing on teaching the pretty boys a few things about art. Ricardo demonstrated the art of clever banter when he literally challenged the other contestants to a penis-measuring contest in a fit of rage/insecurity/mild racism. Jerry got rid of Frank far too soon--Ricardo needs to be on the next slow boat back to a A**holeland. I'm rooting for Lil' Jon to make it to the end, but I think the smart money is on Jason right now.
Finally, we've got Blow Out. Normally, I'd give this show its own post, but it is just not worth the space this season. Don't get me wrong--I plan to watch every episode, but only to see Jonathan (who is a hairstylist, not a hairdresser--he made that very clear this week) grow more and more insufferable until he finally implodes under the weight of his own self-pity and smugness. Was he this unbearably "woe is me" last season? I don't remember it being quite this bad, but maybe I'm repressing something and need to go for a session with Jonathan's therapist.
Reality Blurred reports that Bravo is planning a humungoid All-Star Reality Reunion. While the thought sort of sickens me, there is a very happy place in my head where Puck, Johnny Fairplay, Jase, and Veronica die in some sort of tragic camera-hogging incident.
Damn, damn, damn! (Said in my best Esther Rolle/"Florida Evans" voice)...
So Joe, a.k.a. America's sweetheart, is now gone from the mansion on Beauty and the Geek. I, for one, am seriously crushed. Such a sweet, kind, and funny guy deserves better than this--oh, if only he'd studied that massage manual a little more closely. (Seriously, who doesn't know what a loofah is?) I think he was crying when his team lost at the end, and then when he apologized to Erika...oh, it's just too much. I hope some girl out there scoops him up and puts him in her pocket makes him super-happy.
So now I am left with two burning desires for this show. First, I hope that Richard gets out of the mansion and into therapy. A commenter mentioned last week that he's probably got some serious issues hiding behind that downright bizarre behavior (and under those ridiculously big-thighed pants), and I second that. Even awesome med student Chuck (who is a total catch by the way--one of these girls should grab him now) can sense that something bad is going on there.
My second wish is for Bill & Lauren to take it all. Not because of anything about him (though I think he's a little cooler than the show would have us believe), but because she is about the most precious thing in the universe. Y'all, I'm not kidding--I think Lauren is just fantastic.
Tim Goodman, the TV critic for the San Francisco Chronicle, has decided that he will only be reviewing scripted shows this summer while ignoring reality TV completely. I'm sorry, but that makes him not only useless as a TV critic, but also a lazy worker. It's like me deciding that the whole period from 1860-1900 in American literature is really boring for me to teach, so I'm just going to skip it and stick to "the good stuff." You just don't do that.
I'm not saying all of the reality shows are gems--we know most will stink--but he's running the real risk of missing a few diamonds in the rough (Beauty and the Geek, anyone?). I hope he gets lots of angry letters and emails...and maybe a demotion, too.
It's hard to say bad things about The Scholar, really. I mean, this is a show that's going to flat-out pay for college for these kids. But why does it have to be so boring? maybe it will pick up and get a little more cutthroat (I'm sorry, but I demand that sort of thing from my reality TV) as the series progresses. They will have to eat bugs and horse rectums at some point, right? Right?
[a tumbleweed drifts across the stage]
Anyway, I'm glad that Melissa got a slot in the final five (the elimination process used by the show is a little Byzantine for me, but I think I like it), and doubly so because she beat out smarm-meister-and-frat-president-in-training Davis to do it. He's obviously being edited as the guy to loathe in this show (and let's be honest, it's hard to like anyone who wears his big-ass aviator sunglasses up on his head like that), but I bet we get some sort of big tear-filled "confessional" moment from him soon, in which he confesses that he only wants to be liked and to fit in or nonsense like that. Please. Call me when you get a real haircut, kid.
For some reason, it just feels right to lump these two shows together, doesn't it? Maybe it's because they give us two solid hours of pure objectification of males...or maybe it's because they're both so gleefully lightweight in their goals. In any case, Kept continues to be the more interesting of the two, though that may change next week as Strip Search finally gets down with some elimination action (this week's "search" episode was a slow-moving clone of last week's, although the guys seemed a bit more buff--I guess they're not taking as many physique risks as the deadline for the final lineup gets closer).
On Kept, Jerry sent the boys in for makeovers (kudos to Jon for cutting his hair despite his earlier protests--he looked about a thousand times better afterwards) and style training, all in preparation for a fashion show at the end of the episode. Ricardo and Slavco acted like total divas, because they're both (allegedly) models back here in the States. Ricardo is really shaping up to be the biggest tool on the show, and I don't mean that in the way that would make Jerry smile. He's got to go--soon. And for the second week in a row, I got the impression that Anwar is not really a fan of the ladies...anyone else feeling that, or is it just me? Anyway, poor Michael (the short one that isn't Jon) got the boot this time, apparently because he acted nervous at the fashion show. I didn't quite get that, but Jerry's word is law on this show, so I'm willing to accept it.
J. Go or freakgirl are more than welcome to replace this post with a real recap, but I just have to know if anyone else watched and loved Beauty and the Geek last night. The reviews are right--it's surprisingly sweet and doesn't seem as geared toward humiliation as you might expect. It repeats tonight, if you missed it. The official site for the show gives away the eliminated couple, so spoiler-phobes may want to avoid it before catching the repeat. I will say that I was fine seeing the boring male half of the eliminated team leave, but I really liked the female half, who seemed really nice. In fact, maybe it's just the editing, but all of the girls seemed rather kind. They were a little ditsy, maybe, but I've always thought that one of the symptoms of true stupidity is cruelty or an inability to understand the feelings of another person, and none of the girls fell into that mold at all.
I'm rooting for Joe and Erika (mostly Joe, I confess--he's so fragile and vulnerable!) to take it all, and I was stunned to see that Brad is not really geeky at all. Maybe he's a little shy or something, but looks-wise, I think he could even make it through a few rounds of The Bachelorette. Chuck is another one who might be selling his own physical appearance short--though his nosebleeds (and his medical explanations for them--"my mucosa is drying out and the stress is making me hypertensive") really were cracking me up last night.
My goodness--when did VH1's Sunday nights get so, um...gay? I thought I was watching freakin' Bravo for a second last night as the double-header (there might be a dirty pun buried in there, but I swear it's not intended) of Kept and Strip Search made their debuts.
Kept is kind of a hoot to watch, not so much for the 12 mooks who are trying to win a place as some sort of gigolo/arm candy/publicity stunt for Jerry Hall, but for the antics of Jerry herself. This woman is Patsy Stone brought to life! She's shopping and drinking and smoking and flirting and hanging out with her girlfriends (all of whom are married to or living with other aging rock stars) and selecting some poor schmuck to be her "kept man" for a year. But I'm confused--what does the kept man actually get? Room and board and an allowance? Invites to fabulous parties? Carte blanche in Jerry's boudoir? Mick Jagger's sportswear from 1988? And doesn't Jerry have four kids? Where are they? Being "kept" by a nanny, I assume. (You can see the guys by going to this page and clicking on the "Hot or Not" link.)
Strip Search is just...well, I don't even know where to begin. Two folks from VH1 drive around in a big bus and get local yokels--beefy, scrawny, whatever--to do some skanky male stripper moves in public and then decide whether to invite them back to train for a spot in an "all-male revue." Yep, it's that classy. At least these guys aren't the usual buffed and waxed (or even toned!) reality show steroid freaks...well, not yet, anyway.
Needless to say, I will be watching both of these again next week. If you missed them, don't worry--I think they're showing the repeats about a zillion times this week. Check your TiVo listings now!
Hit Me Baby One More Time starts next week on NBC. This has the potential to be AWESOME. It also has the potential to suck rocks, but I'm a "glass half full" kinda girl when it comes to tv.
Despite Janice Dickinson's campaign for Kahlen, Naima bested the best and became America's Next Top Model last night. I have to agree with the judges. Kahlen rocked the photos, but didn't command the runway like Naima, who developed a personality overnight, apparently. I wanted Kahlen to win, just because she was so the underdog.
I am so loving America's Next Top Model, even though I forget to watch or record it. I caught the entire marathon on Saturday. Why? Because I have no life. I so hate Keenyah. She went from being cute to being a freak in just one episode. Her behavior in South Africa totally annoyed me. I think Naima is beautiful, but, agree that I'm not sure what her personality is like. So, I'm all for Kahlen, who doesn't present like a model in person, but kicks ass in the photoshoots and seems like a decent person.
Again, I need to say, Nigel Barker is hotness and Janice Dickinson is my kinda freak.
It doesn't get more inappropriate (or more oh-so-perfect) than the Intervention drinking game! I think they need to add "Take a drink everytime the 'update' at the end of the show informs us that the addict left rehab early but claims that he/she has not started using again." More info about the show itself--which is major, by the way--is here.
Check out the second half of this review, where the writer hilariously savages the new Cammie-Diaz-and-friends "eco-show" Trippin'. The review nails everything that's annoying about the show, from the smugness of the travelers to the creepy aura of condescension that hovers over everything they say and do while they stroll through the "exotic" lands. I wanted to push Drew Barrymore off a cliff when she had that Chilean giggle-fit this week.
I hate deep water. I hate cold weather. I'm not a huge fan of Alaskan king crab (unless somebody's frying it). So why am I planning on watching every episode of The Deadliest Catch? Beats me--but I'm fascinated by these men who risk their lives (the mortality rate is ridiculous) for the chance--and only the chance, since a good haul isn't guaranteed--at some big and quick money. Why do they put themselves through it? I guess it's the adrenaline rush or the need for the money or a combo of both, but it eludes me. Hopefully I can figure it out after the ten episodes run their course.
Dudes! I honestly was shocked and horrified last night. Miss Tyra, in a truly failed attempt to be a social worker, brought Tiffany into the Next Top Model fold, hoping she'd overcome her ghetto life. Well, she didn't, and after weeks of frustration, Tyra and the crew finally dropped her from the roster. Apparently, Tiffany didn't cry enough, because Miss Tyra went insane on her ass. Clearly Miss Tyra thinks it's time for Tiffany to take some responsibility and make an effort in her life. There was screaming, yelling, pointing, spitting and shaming! It seemed like a sincere emotional response from Miss Tyra, and it was fantastic television! I felt like I was watching something very private. It was over just as quickly as it started.
While I'm on the subject of America's Next Top Model, I just have to say, Nigel Barker is a fresh stack of hotness.
It's kind of a departure for the channel, but Sundance is airing a multi-part true-crime documentary this month (two episodes each Monday) called The Staircase (warning: audio). It covers the trial of a North Carolina man named Michael Peterson, who is accused of killing his wife and blaming it on her fall down a--you guessed it--staircase in their home. There is some spoiler-free background on the case here, if you're interested, and even though I know how it all comes out (the trial was over a year ago), I'm still enjoying the show. If nothing else, it's really opening my eyes about how expensive a criminal defense is (close to a million dollars, as of episode two) and how all families have crazy twisty-turny dark secrets that really complicate things when they're brought out into the open. Plus, it's way juicy (homosexual affairs, strange deaths in the defendant's past, etc.)! You can still catch repeats of the first episodes--give it a try if crime stories are your thing...it's like a really good episode of Dateline without the accompanying "Damn, I'm really into this story on Dateline" shame.
MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen is probably the most terrifying and horrid thing ever. I so can't believe the wretched excess and entitlement of these teens! Try and catch the episode of Ava, who cries when she doesn't get her car on her birthday and her parents spend more than $200,000 on her party (which includes the Range Rover she eventually gets). Chilling.
Is anyone watching Love is in the Heir on E! I've tried, but I can only get through a few minutes of it at a time. Is this thing honestly a reality series, because it plays like the producers are mocking the genre? Just the way they introduce discussions and behave is so not casual, natural or sincere. Here's the deal: Princess Ann Claire (who I assume is a Brit) moves to LA with her man bitch and tries to launch a country music career, even though she can't sing and has even less skill at targeting her talents to a pretty down-home music scene. I hate country, but, I'll admit, it doesn't deserve this kind of butchery. The Princess is clueless, but I'm mesmerized by her assistant, Michael, who seems oddly devoted to her (though he seems gay, so I don't think it's a lust thing). He's no friend, because, if he was, he'd tell her that she can't sing and her music career is humiliating for all involved. Royal trainwreck.
Is anyone watching MTV's Date My Mom? The show is kind of cool. It's great to see these moms have such a fun time dating cute and really younger men. The interactions between young studs and hip moms is sweet at times. On the other hand, it's disturbing to hear these guys ask questions about the daughters. Like, "is your daughter really flexible." "does she like to party and dance on tables" or is she "really manly." It seems so wrong, like the lack of a boundry or something. It's a mom, not a sorority sister. Also, the ending is mean, because the guys diss the girls to the moms' faces. Despite all this, I can't help but watch.
The election is totally harshing my mellow, man. Honestly, I will never visit a red state. So, in light of today's depressing mood, I'm going to chat up the most depressing show on television: Laguna Beach.
I caught a marathon on Sunday and it totally scared the shit out of me. These youngsters are the most hateful, shallow and evil people on television. I fear for the future, which is a hard thing for me to say, because it makes me feel old.
First off, there's Stephen, who everyone thinks is hot, but, seems really skinny and lame. He is totally using LC to boost his ego. She loves him, but he's so not worthy (and she's not that great to start). In one episode, he's going off to bang LC, but turns to his quasi-girlfriend (and uber-bitch) Kristin and says, "I love you." That so is going to make LC feel like shit when she watches the ep. Second, when Kristin does some table dancing the night before in Cabo, Stephen goes insane and starts calling her a slut and whore. So not classy. These kids treat sex as a weapon against people they supposedly care about. If you're mean to me, I'll just fuck somebody else. Take that.
There's also this super tense scene when LC and her friend Lo run into Christina at the nail shop. Well, Christina didn't invite them to her birthday party the night before out of spite. AWKWARD. Also, Christina's friend Morgan looks like a chipmunk, but, dimmer. I know that's not a nice thing to say, but, she's a bitch, so I'm not pulling punches today.
Please tell me you watched Manhunt: The Search for America’s Most Gorgeous Male Model, not to be confused with Manhunt, the not-safe-for-work gay cruising site! This was seriously bad television, right from the start, but in a really great way.
1. The opening sequence had me worried that I’d missed a bunch of episodes already, because there had been a million elimination rounds and I never had the opportunity to feel inadequate from all the hotness. I felt very late to the man-flesh party.
2.The second round of eliminations got rid of some real ugloids.
3. Bruce Hulse is beyond awful. He’s got the delivery of a really bad porn actor and you can tell he’s just sucking his gut in the entire time.
4. I don’t get the point of boots and briefs together. Never have, and never will.
5. I think Rob Williams is cute, just for the name. He’s almost two-dimensionally thin.
6. Kevin P. is hot, but a total ass, which makes him even hotter. He’s followed by Blake.
7. John’s eyes scare me.
8. I love it when models cry.
All I have to say is that last night's Wife Swap was only, like, the greatest show ever. EVER. Don't believe me? Check out this picture. I told you. [photo nicked from from angsti-dent prone]
We haven't talked much about the new season of America's Next Top Model so far--but the first episode was only a warm-up anyway, showing the selection of girls who have already been named on the show's website (did someone miss a meeting?). Today's NYT has a good article about Tyra Banks and her involvement in the show. Actually, the real reason to read it is to get the catty-as-always comments from Janice Dickinson.
(The link to the story shouldn't require you to sign in, if I did it right.)
Okay, I was both right and wrong when I picked The Benefactor as one of the shows that I would probably like this season. I was right when I said it would prbably be garbage; I was wrong when I said it might be a show to watch. This was truly awful stuff--completely boring and a total ripoff (in tone and concept) of The Apprentice. Mark Cuban seems to have zero charisma (and bad taste in shirts), and the contestants are nothing--no one to root for, no one worth hating. And though ABC probably thought it would be "shocking" to eliminate three people in one night, they failed to realize that eliminating people because of a seemingly inocuous comment/a bad interview/a poorly-played Jenga game (!) makes for absolutely NO drama. Cross it off the list (and let's see if it even makes it through a full season of episodes).
I guess we'll never get that much-anticipated second season of Rich Girls. Unfortunately, we may have to deal with a reality show starring Ally Hilfiger's father instead. YAWN.
I think that UPN has effectively canceled out any of the good will it earned thanks to the surprisingly good Amish in the City. How could the universe turn on the network so quickly? Allow me to present The Player.
You know, I often joke that certain TV shows make me feel bad about humanity, but I never really mean it. Well, I never meant it--until now. As I told J. Go during a chat tonight: "This show is so bad I think I can hear Jesus crying." With a premise stolen from the far superior (and underrated) Cupid and contestants straight from the reject pile at Elimidate and Cheaters, this show needs to be taken out back and shot in the head. That's right--I'm hating the player and the game. Take that, UPN!
Just some observations here--and screw spoiler warnings, because anyone who has that much of an emotional investment in this show needs to go in for some serious counseling.
1. When did American women start being attracted to men who were so alarmingly obnoxious, delusional about their own appeal, and who talk like Will Smith in his Fresh Prince days? Single ladies--is this really the best pool to be drawing from?
2. What's with the weird chest-bumping hugs that guys do now? Is that somehow "less gay" than a plain ol' hug?
3. Can we retire the word "player" from the English language now? Because I think the dozens of times we heard it used last night pretty much killed it.
And the guys that Dawn (who's pretty much "Klassy" with a K, if you get my meaning) gets to choose from form a sort of peanut gallery of sleazeballs: Alex is the creepiest one, swollen-cranium Marvin is the most arrogant (which says a lot in this crowd), and Eian seems to be going for some kind of rico suave/date rapist vibe that really isn't working. God, they're all so awful! I'll never skip Big Brother again, I swear.
So. Did you watch it? You did, didn't you? You were just too curious. I admit, I missed the first thirty minutes, then I got a frantic email from Megan ordering me to turn it on. I did, just in time to see Mose nearly drown in the ocean. Poor guy. Verdict? I'll probably tune in again. I think the interesting thing about the show is not the shock value (which was surprisingly low), but how centered and mature these Amish kids are compared to the mooks they're living with. I'm hoping it doesn't rub off.
Question: I don't know much about the Amish, but what is up with the vague accent? I can't place it. Also, some of them talk like robots; in fact, Mose sounds like Stephen Hawking. (I'm going to hell now.) Just an odd speech pattern, I guess.
For all three of you that watched The Restaurant, here's a little footnote on what's going on now.
Not that anyone cares anymore, but if you had been wondering how the whole Playing It Straight drama turned out (you remember that show--FOX ditched it after three episodes and we never found out which guy Jackie chose and whether her choice was into guys or girls), you can actually go to the show's annoying Flash website and read summaries of all eight episodes, including the big finale. To save you a little bit of time, Jackie ended up picking Banks, he was straight, and they each got half a million dollars. At last, some closure!
(Oh, and looking back at my guesses, I was pretty much wrong on everybody...though I stand by my answer on Ryan, no matter what he says.)
[via TV Barn]
Has anyone watched Things I Hate About You yet? My friend and I just watched it on TiVo, and we laughed our collective butts off. I think we loved Patrick. Anyone that can burp that loud, sustain it that long, and do a dinosaur imitation at the same time is a-okay in my book. Mo Rocca is an excellent host ("I find you both extremely irritating") and I'm hoping it continues to be a fun little show.
This well-argued post over at TVGASM perfectly explains why The Casino, a show that I really wanted to like (and that I keep watching every week for some unexplainable reason), is such a disappointment. What's odd is that it is following the same game plan as The Simple Life 2 (to just go ahead and be open about the staged nature of the whole enterprise), but Paris and Nicole are really thriving within the format. Tom and Tim, however, just get more boring with each passing week.
I've been meaning to post about FOX's The Casino (warning--big obnoxious sound clip) all day today--sorry it took me so long to get around to it. In any case, I wasn't really impressed, but since Mark Burnett's behind it, I'm willing to give it another shot next week.
My main problem was that the show really didn't show us anything we haven't seen before on countless "On the Inside"/ "Behind the Scenes" documentary-type shows on cable. And since FOX is making Burnett edit the juicier stuff out of each episode, there's nothing to keep us coming back week after week. Don't get me wrong--you really do root for Tim and Tom (the two main investors in the hotel), but I wasn't sucked in the way I wanted to be.
Side note: Isn't it interesting how reality TV is the only place you see people smoke on television anymore (Tim smokes through much of th