Today, I would like to award the prize for Survivor With The Biggest Heart to Ian. Oh, and stay up on the stage, Ian, so I can also give you the STUPIDEST SURVIVOR EVER medal. Are you kidding me? Did that really happen? He basically quit the game at Final Three because he didn't want people thinking he was a jerk? Ian has big issues, the poor bastard. Katie so did not deserve that Final Two spot, and I'm terribly glad she lost. Do we know how the vote went? Did she get more than two votes?
Anyway, quick recap: Tom wins the first immunity challenge. Ian briefly considers voting him out, but ends up saying he can't do it. Jenn is notified she'll be leaving; she takes it well and then goes to Tom and tells him that Ian wanted to vote him out. Brilliant attempt at a self-save, I thought. So the poo hits the fan at Tribal Council; Tom is furious with Ian, and Jenn goes home in a fire-building tiebreaker with Ian. The final immunity challenge goes on for nearly TWELVE hours, and then Ian sacrifices himself to prove to Tom that he is trustworthy. DADDY ISSUES MUCH?
I'm happy Tom won; I've been a fan of his since the beginning, but I wish it didn't go down the way it did. To me, Tom ended up looking like a bit of a bully, and really shattered Ian's ego with all the "you lied to me" crap. I guess he saw how well it worked when Katie pulled it on him. It just wasn't necessary, and if Tom was so bound by gentleman's agreements, then he should have brought Ian to the Final Two anyway and duked it out there. Sigh.
Anyway - thoughts: Greatest immunity challenge ever, loved when everyone told Katie what a bitch she was, sad that they didn't do "Probst Delivers The Votes" this time, Caryn has the best makeup artist on the planet, and who's planning on going to the ocean floor to pick up all those torches they threw off the boat, hmmm?
Ah yes, we're at that point in Survivor where people suddenly get insanely furious when they feel like someone is lying to them. I guess everyone feels like, "Oh, no matter that just about everyone who's won this game had to tell some big fat lies; I'm sure they're telling ME the truth." So last night Ian won the reward challenge (yay!) which came complete with a brand-new car. By the way, the "win the car/lose the game" curse has been broken already, in my opinion, when Amber was given one during All-Stars, presumably for sleeping with Rob. So let's hope Ian still has a chance.
And even if you do have a chance, Ian, try not to blow it. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Worst Liar in Survivor History, Weird Beard Ian. Caryn and Katie spent the entire episode pressing him for loyalty and promises, and Katie even made him cry. Mean girl! Tom tried to walk behind Ian and clean up all his messes, but instead came across as "threatening." Ooooh, I'm Tom - I'm playing the game, I'm telling you I'll vote for you - I'm so threatening. These women piss me off. Tom won immunity, which ruined the girl plan of voting him off, although I hardly think they would have actually done it, as they don't seem to be able to actually pull a plan together. In the end, Ian and Tom continue to control the game, even with a minority, and vote off Caryn. Miz Caryn must have known she was going, and pulled a Shii-Ann at Tribal Council and exposed all the alliances and side deals in a blaze of indignant glory. Weirdest part of this? The only person Caryn didn't name as being a schemer? Jenn. Can she win? She might.
P.S. Why does the jury every year look like they dipped their faces in a makeup trough?
Now THIS is a great season, eh? Last night on Survivor, Ian, spurred on by the ever-popular "let's see where you REALLY stand" challenge, turned the game upside-down and engineered a surprise outster, enlisting Tom and Caryn to help kick Gregg to the curb. He was willing to go to a tie game and potentially pull the Purple Rock of Doom - it was so great to see somebody finally just say "screw it" and give that rock the finger. And Katie folded anyway, just like he knew she would. The only thing that I wish had been different was if Steph and Caryn could trade places. I do not care for Caryn, but she seems to hanging in there, huh? As for Katie, my god, SHUT UP. I cannot believe she actually told Gregg and Jen that she was going to continue being a swing vote whenever it suited her. AND THEY KEPT TRUSTING HER. She is quite something - I'm not a fan of hers either, but you can't say she isn't working the strategy side of this game. Not looking forward to her freaking out on Ian next week.
Other comments - it seemed so fitting that Gregg's best friend's name is Greg. And how weird that Katie's brother-in-law came. Doesn't she have any friends? Coby needs to calm down on the jury over there, but his reaction to Gregg's ouster was rather funny. Steph looked like she came straight from the Jersey boardwalk.
From Ian's disbelief during the Reward Challenge as Katie sold him out to Jen's face at the conclusion of Tribal Council, this episode was a nailbiter from beginning to end.
I don't have a lot of time this morning, so my posts are going to be short and sweet. Survivor last night? Girl power alliances never work, Caryn is a dumbass tattletale (What is WITH people who would rather take sixth place over fourth? Idiot.), Ian got the best Survivor meal of all time, Stephenie got NINE letters from home and her Jersey accent last night was shining, Tom asked the tribe not to vote him off for being strong even though he intended to do that exact thing to Steph, Ian and Gregg took a bath, and Ian won immunity by tossing his coconuts (DIRTY!). Ian is having the Best Week Ever! Anyway, when it all came down to it, tribal lines stood strong and they voted out Stephenie. Why don't they just HAND Tom the money?
...for NOT ruining the big shock of this episode. We appreciate it. So, Janu quit, huh? I went back and forth between feeling bad for her and wanting to slap her in the face. If you want to quit, then QUIT, and don't sit around asking people to vote you off and then getting mad at them when they won't. I really sort of enjoyed Jeff interfering in this; if you watched closely you'll remember that Ian is the one who brought the quitting up, and Jeff just ran with it. I don't care if anyone thinks that Jeff goaded Janu into quitting - she did it herself, and she changed the game, and for that I'm appreciative. Probst is a part of this game and part of his job is to stir shit up. Which he did. I'm about 99% sure that the plan was to vote Steph out last night, and that Steph was told about it in advance. Hence her last-minute Boardroom-style plea that actually seemed to work. I am loving Ian for starting the whole thing.
As for the rest of them, Katie is quite the Queen Bee of the Mean Girls, huh? I wish they'd vote her out. I was dismayed to see previews of a Girls-Girls-Girls Alliance, because that seldom goes well. But I was happy to see Stephenie catch a clue and realize she might have to turn on Tom. He's already turned on you, dear. I wish these people would understand they have to get rid of Gregg and that other girl (what the hell is her name, Jen?). Can't trust 'em.
This week on Survivor, we had my favorite challenge - the endurance challenge. These people are pathetic! The longest time was just about 3 hours, and some people jumped off after less than 30 minutes. In Survivor: Outback, people stayed on for over TEN HOURS. I can see why Janu jumped off; she doesn't care anymore about winning and will probably last a while now that they've merged since she sucks at challenges. But Coby? What were you thinking? Running around camp for two days, stirring shit with a big stick, and you sacrifice immunity for the chance to eat a doughnut? Dummy. As much as I enjoyed his bitchiness and candor in this game, he chose dramatics over smart gameplay and deserved to lose.
How proud are we of Stephenie? She made it! And now everyone is vying for her vote. I hope she doesn't get crazy with power and make a big deal about it. I'm thinking she's smarter than that, but you never know. All that pizza might cloud her brain. Other notes: Drunken Tom was hilarious, and he still seemed drunk the next morning. Steph crying when she read about the merge nearly made me cry myself. Jen and Katie need to get over the fact that Steph is there and actually start playing the game. Ian still makes me smile, especially when he said he'd strip for peanut butter. Love him.
And here's Coby being a bitch and Janu catching a clue:
After last night's Survivor, I've got to say that Stephenie is the most awesome Survivor who ever awesomely survived. The fact that she is the only remaining member of her original tribe, that she is totally alone, and has NO IDEA that Tom and Ian are plotting to save her ass when they finally merge is almost poetic. It was unfortunate that Bobby Jon had to go, but I'm glad Steph is still around.
As for Koror, I guess it's not all Club Med and singalongs around the fire, because Coby is getting GROUCHY. He complained (hilariously) about the women doing nothing, with Janu "on her 8th straight day of 'I wanna go home.'" We're not even going to discuss the Reward Challenge this week because, NO. However, I will say that winning 55 gallons of clean water and wanting to use the majority of it on a shower is the dumbest idea I've ever heard, JENNIFER. Having said that, Tom might have been a bit more diplomatic when making the decision about the water.
Are they EVER going to merge, or is poor Steph going to live in her sad little camp, alone and hungry, forever?
Ulong lost their bajillionth straight challenge this week on Survivor, and ended up voting off Ibrehem. Over on Koror, Ian brought home a giant clam for his tribe to feast on. Not to be outdone, Tom wrestled and killed a shark. The people on Koror might be the first Survivors to actually get fat. Watching Bobby Jon get so excited about that teeny little black fish he caught was really kind of sad, wasn't it? The Reward Challenge this week was an SOS, a contest that is usually reserved to give a losing team a win. But Ulong built their signal too far up on the beach, and lost. Koror won. And got more food. The Immunity Challenge was a floating puzzle, and Coby excelled at being the caller for his tribe. What's wrong with Janu, though? She looks half dead; she could barely swim. Ulong picked Bobby Jon as the caller, for some idiotic reason. Bobby Jon can barely speak in coherent sentences half the time. Stephenie tried to save them, but it was too late. There's GOT to be a merge next week, right?
Finally Ulong gets to win something, and swimming with jellyfish has to be one of the neatest rewards ever. Not to mention those mai tais! I haven't gotten drunk in a while and I was drooling over that boozy, orangey goodness.
I'm extremely bored of watching Ulong eat itself one tribe member at a time and I can't wait until the merge to see how new relationships form. I really want to see Steph go all the way but going into a merge as the strongest member of your tribe without any power behind you is dangerous. I can totally see her being the first to go if she doesn't win immunity.
Not sorry to see James go in any way. I'm getting the feeling that the dude has some kind of lying complex. He's always touting himself to be the authority on this that and the other, yet his (in)experience always seems to be the losing factor. I don't believe he knows the difference between building a bathroom and building a pile of poo. I don't believe he's good with a gun. I don't believe he was ever in the Navy. Good thing Coby sat out during the immunity challenge or we'd have to hear about how it's amazing them gays can untie such heterosexual knots. I really think he should have gone last week instead of Angie.
Speaking of Angie, that crack Burton Cummings (Greg) made during the sock puppet show about Angie crying over the beef stew was pretty mean. On the other hand, Katie's tribute to Bobby Jon ("I love everybody and I look like Jesus Christ!") was hilarious, despite my dislike for her.
Oh, Survivor, you cruel show. :: cries :: Poor Angie. She got a rough break last night; she shouldn't have had to go home. But that's the way things work on this game - the sudden twists and turns that send an unorganized tribe into further chaos. At the beginning of the episode, I was totally against the Double Tribal Council, arguing that it was unfair to make Koror have to vote someone off. But then when I saw Coby's eyes light up at the idea of inter-tribal scheming (instead of sitting around congratulating each other all the time), I have to admit, I was sold. The evil genius who thought it would be good tv to make the losing tribe watch the winning tribe eat a hot meal - you can have my firstborn. As soon as Ulong targeted Ibrehem, I knew that Koror would give him immunity (LOVED that twist, too). It was a great move for Koror just to further upset an already-shaky tribe, and by taking Ibrehem out of the running, WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN RID OF JAMES, but the end result of Angie being voted out reeeeeallllly sucked. Why did Stephanie vote for her? To get rid of her competition? Over at Ulong, they voted out Willard, and I was glad to see them get rid of the dead weight. Hoping Caryn is next. Also, I swear on my life that I had never seen this Survivor before last night's episode. Have they been keeping her in the well or something?
How dare Coby be gay AND be able to beat James in a shoving contest? "I can't believe I got beat by a homosexual. Some of them are strong, I guess, on account of going to the gym all the time." Shut up, Nose. Between James and John on The Apprentice, last night was not good for my rage. Anyhoo. Last night on Survivor, Koror continued their streak, whooping Ulong in both the reward AND immunity challenges. I guess we can safely say goodbye to the tribes as they presently exist, because I can't imagine they can continue the game when it's this one-sided. I sort of love how much Probst dislikes Ulong. When he talks to them, he looks like he just smelled poo. Bobby Jon is sooooo stuck on the wrong team. It's kinda sad how much he loves Tom, wants to be on Tom's team, wants to be led by Tom...it's almost romantic. Ulong voted off Kim this week, who apparently had gotten lost in the airport on her way to some sort of Club Med vacation. That's the only explanation I can come up with over why someone would show up on Survivor and then act shocked that there might be some work involved. At one point I thought Stephanie might kill her in her sleep and eat her for extra protein.
I have found myself pulling for Ulong, so it's disappointing that they can't seem to stay away from tribal council. I was hoping against hope that Kim was going home, but I can't really blame them for cutting Jeff loose.
When Ulong won the reward challenge I was really happy because I think Angie needs a nipple-hider and more than just those teeny weenie undies; I can't imagine running around, giving my all in the challenges with my boobs falling out left and right and all that nakedness. But that's just me, I guess, because Angie really doesn't let it stop her one bit. She's really determined to try as hard as she can.
I'm not really impressed with anyone on Koror with the exception of Tom and Ian. They're both really friendly and fun and seem to be willing to go outside of their comfort zones to do things to benefit the tribe (re: Ian with the snakes). How cool would it have been if they had gotten the sharks? Take that, Richard Hatch! But seriously guys...throwing light bamboo spears at the sharks was absurd.
So far Stephanie is my favourite to win.
This week's Survivor looked painful. Great job, CBS, let's have people try to balance on a ragged metal barrel. People were bleeding! And what the hell is up with Bobby Jon's rage issues? He was the one screaming, right? Anyway, Angie did a great job in what looked like a physically taxing competition. I'm glad she feels that she has earned her place in the tribe. [Sidenote: Do you think Janu borrowed her glasses from TAR's Freddy?] Other observations - so happy that Tribe Ian got their flint! He's precious. Did we miss a scene where Ashley told everyone to vote her out? Why did she vote for Jeff? Anyway, as soon as someone stops eating, it's usually time to boot them. Oh, who cares. As for the couples thing, I hope that people on Survivor don't start hooking up just in hopes of a Rob/Amber repeat scenario. Because, no.
All right, Survivor has started again and so far, so good. I do have a small bone to pick with the promos saying that this season would be TOTALLY DIFFERENT, but by the end of the episode, it was just plain old Survivor. Ah well. It started out well, by recreating the most traumatic experience of anyone's childhood - potentially being picked last to be on a team. Poor Angie. Here's a word of advice, though, sweetie - Stop telling us how much of an outcast you are and start acting like a member of a team. You'd be surprised how well that works. We do have to thank the grade four method of picking teams though, because it spared us a season of Wanda, and let's just all take a moment to remember that and give thanks. My favorite team as soon as the picking was done was Team Brown/Koror, with the adorable Ian at its helm. He is SO dorky looking, plus he works with dolphins in Key Largo and my sister thinks she met him when she brought a group of disabled adults up there to get dolphin therapy (did you know dolphins can connect better with some mentally disabled people than we can? cool!). So, we like him. Liking Tom a lot, too; he seems to have figured out how to be a leader without everyone hating him (and he's quite easy on the eyes). Although his idea of moving to the new beach didn't work out too well for the tribe, eh? I can't believe they lost their flints on the ocean floor. I'm sure next episode they'll be able to retrieve them. Or not, whatever. Janu is another early favorite; great attitude and good physical condition. Plus - pretty! Here's someone I already don't like - Coby. His whole demeanor annoyed me, and after he totally dissed Angie, that was the end of that. Also? Two words - PINK LOINCLOTH. Ugh. Everyone else is still a blur right now, but I was glad to see Jolanda go, because god, get over yourself, lady. Lastly, I am loving that Probst was openly hating Team Ulong. You could see the look of disgust on his face as they paddled backwards, in circles, and the wrong way. Sweet.
Survivor: Palau starts up tonight. Isn't it funny how we keep tuning in, hoping the show is going to be better than the previous suckfest? And by "funny," I mean "sad." I haven't really enjoyed a season since Pearl Islands, but I've got some hopes for this one. Judging from all the recent interviews I've read with Probst, the show is on his last nerve and we all know that Bitchy Probst = Good TV.
The cast of Survivor 10 in Palau has been announced. Here they are. I shall judge books by their covers and tell you who I like and who I don't. As usual, by mid-season I'll probably be totally wrong. Anyway - I totally want to like Angie, but she'll probably end up being obnoxious. James looks like a nice guy. You want to hate Kimberly, but you can't after you read about her charity work. I LOVE IAN. Meet the new Twila. Tom is tres handsome! Please, Mark "God" Burnett, don't let this season suck.