I just wanted to point everyone to this story; it's quite touching.
The current season of The Amazing Race ended last night and, as we said last week, we'd be happy with any of the final three teams winning. And the winners are...
HIPPIES!
Congratulations to TK and Rachel. Mostly to Rachel, who really grabbed the win during the Final Roadblock. Which was so complicated, I still don't understand it.
You want me to do what with the donkey?
From the beginning of the leg all the way to the end, teams stayed pretty close to each other, with TK/Rachel and Ron/Christina within an arm's length a lot of the time. Or, as Ron would say, "blowing on each other's necks."
I'd like to blow on his neck.
Nick and Don made an early blunder by not reading their clue completely, and leaving a bag of supplies behind. They realized their mistake when they got to the Detour, and had to go back and get it. Don was not pleased, and spent the rest of the leg yelling at Nick.
D'oh.
Teams then had to ride on a speedboat and climb a small glacier, which looked really difficult. Ron and his hernia kicked some serious ice on this task. Christina had a tough time, but soon scampered up as well.
My kingdom for more upper body strength.
After a cool helicopter ride, Christina arrived at the Road Block first, followed quickly by Rachel and then Nick. Ron, TK and Don stood by anxiously, trying not to kick Ron in the gut as he nervously chattered about how close the Race was. Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Rachel finished first, and she and TK raced off to get their next clue. There was some taxicab confusion that scared the crap out of me, but they managed to get their last clue at the Salmon Hooker in first place, with Ron & Christina close behind.
Tramp.
The last clue told them to simply go to the airport and cross the finish line. And cross it they did, and there was much celebrating, and Jen looked like it was killing her to congratulate them. Ron and Christina came in second, with Nick and Don coming in third. Yay for all, and yay for a great season, Amazing Race!
Happy Birthday, Jen! I see you got my gift.
And many mooooooooooore....
For the first time since the inception of Amazing Race, I think, we have a Final Three where I will be okay with any of the teams winning. So happy! A few weeks ago I would have been annoyed that Ron has made it this far, but he hasn't gotten on my nerves the past two episodes and I'm excited for Christina.
Anyway, here's a quick recap.
Teams were told to head to a "floating garden" in Japan and would later fly to Taiwan. Ron and Christina started the leg in first place, and never lost their lead throughout. Everyone, actually, ran this leg flawlessly. As TAR goes, the leg was really easy.
TK & Rachel were completely saved by "hours of operations" production interference. Which is fine by me. I suppose there would have been no dramatic tension had they remained three hours behind the other teams. Factor in a perfect combination of train schedules and our Hippies sailed onto the mat in second place. Even though, according to Jen, they barely do anything and apparently magical bunnies are carrying them through the race and completing their tasks for them.
Also, for the first time since I can remember, a team told a ticket agent to tell another team a flight was full, and the ticket agent did it! I couldn't believe it. Christina asked her ticket agent to tell Nate and Jen there were no more early flights, and she actually did. It was a dirty move, but it worked. The lead they snagged was only fifteen minutes, but it was enough to throw Nate & Jen back into fighting mode, which always leads to bad decisions. Thanks, Christina!
You're welcome!
Ron & Christina were off and running in Taiwan, while Nick & Donald and Nate & Jen were stuck in an immigration line in the airport. They were soon shocked to see TK & Rachel materialize in line as well. Rachel got so excited, she did a little cheer.
The teams encountered a Roadblock which forced them to basically ride along as a passenger in a Jeep that did stunts. Ron was pretty freaked out through the entire thing, but I think Rachel quite enjoyed herself.
OMG TINA FEY WON A GOLDEN GLOBE!
TK & Rachel hit their Speed Bump immediately afterwards, which was a mile away and had them donning protective gear and running through a shower of fireworks. It took little time to complete, and once again they caught up to Nate & Jen and Donald and Nick due to the train schedule. Unbelievable timing! Jen nearly swallowed her tongue when she saw them.
Next, teams had to go to a tea house, drink some tea and follow the directions written on the bottom of the cup. Wow, a task even my grandmother could do! Of course, the directions were written in Chinese, but it didn't take much to just ask a passerby to read it for them. Teams had to go to a night market and find a clown, who would give them their next clue. There was a very exciting moment where Nate and Jen's passerby read it as "cow" instead of "clown," but they soon figured it out. Rats.
And I was all, "God, you dumb hippie, you're supposed to let ME win. On my BIRTHDAY."
Next, the Teams hit a Detour, which was either fly 20 paper lanterns for good luck or walk a 220-foot path made of jagged stones. This was a no-brainer, and everyone chose the walk. TK practically ran the entire length, while Nate screamed and cried through the entire thing.
Ron and Christina made it to the Pit Stop first. TK and Rachel were next, with Don and Nick unable to find a taxi. At this point, we were freaking out. Finally, the grandson and grandfather found their taxi and finished in third. Nate and Jen limped to the Mat, where they were summarily dismissed by Phil. Oh hell, yes. As they walked off to the side, they both started to cry and they may or may not have broken up. Whatever.
Congratulations to Don for being the oldest person to ever make it this far in the Race! You fucking rule, bitch!
Dirty Grandpa!
This week on The Amazing Race, teams travel to Japan, where they drive cars, smell flowers and operate robots. Oh, and the Hippies fall into some sort of black hole that is never really explained to us. Enjoy what you see of them in the beginning of the episode, because you won't see them again until the end.
Spoiler Alert! It's not.
The teams start off back in Mumbai, India, grabbing their clues, which tell them to fly to Japan. Wow. They kind of got an easy time of it in India compared to other seasons, huh? Usually in India they end up having to ride the train, which leads to several mental breakdowns and then, later, vows to start working more for charity.
We find out that Christina speaks some Japanese, and I'm hoping that gives her an advantage. I think her father is an assface, but I have no issues with her and would like to see her impress the guy for once by doing something that he simply can't.
During the regular airport shenanigans, TK and Rachel get a flight that leaves 90 minutes earlier than everyone else, but we find that it has two stops, which could cause problems. And it does. Every other team arrives in Japan ahead of them. Arg. Everyone but the hippies head out to the castle they're supposed to, with Jen and Nate in first place. Again, arg. I hate when they're in the lead, because they get all jovial and "ha ha, remember when we were fighting" and then they start to lose that lead and everything turns to crap.
Jen totally embarrasses Nate by showing the cameraman her "blowjob face."
Anyhoo, Jen and Nate get to the Roadblock first. Jen decides to tackle it, and it turns out she will have to navigate the streets of Osaka as a taxi driver. O SNAP. And they are not allowed to ask any locals to come along with them. O DOUBLE SNAP. Will we get the breakdown we were so rudely robbed of last week? Christina chooses the Roadblock for her team. Even though she doesn't really know how to drive well. Oy. And Nick chooses for his team. Ronald and Donald stay behind at the train station, sharing a bag of chips or something. Nate, presumably, walks around kicking puppies.
There is NO SIGN of TK and Rachel, and I want to die. Are they really this far behind? This is awful. Meanwhile, both Jen and Christina are lost. Oh, and Christina is scaring the shit out of her passengers. Nick is in remarkably good spirits as he drives around, though, playing with the air conditioning and chirping, "Gotta keep the customer happy!" Um, pay attention to the road, Junior. And ugh, Jen finishes the Roadblock first. Of course, she still has to get back to the train station. Maybe she'll drive off a bridge. She doesn't. She and Nate hop into a taxi that's apparently driven by a blonde Kim Jong-il to go to the next clue. Christina and Ron take off next.
Death to America!
Meanwhile, the hippies' plane has JUST landed. Ooof. They don't know if they're first or last. But they're still kissing in the back of the car because they are just that chill. Or dopey. And um, I think Christina and Ron's cab driver is having an asthma attack.
DETOUR! Sense of Touch or Sense of Smell. In Sense of Touch, teams get to play with robots that are controlled by cellphones. Japan is so freaking cool. In Sense of Smell, teams have to go to an artificial flower shop and find one real flower that is hidden among the rest. This is standard needle in a haystack and I never understand why teams choose this option.
Ron and Christina decide to take the Flower detour, as do Nate and Jen. Nick and Don take the robot one. It looks pretty complicated and Don is already muttering "aw crap sonofabitch." Soon, Nick gets the hang of it, though.
Y-M-C-A!
And here come the Hippies, all, "We don't know if we're ahead or behind! Ha ha ha!" I'm all, "Lay off the weed and get scared, dummies."
Jen and Nate finish the Detour first. It looks like they're going to come in first. I so badly want them to not come in first. SO BADLY. Ron and Christina find their flower soon after and appear to get a taxi before Jen and Nate. Who, by the way, are falling apart. To the point where Nate actually tries to shove her into a taxi. Wow, they almost made it an entire episode without embarrassing themselves. Meanwhile, Christina points out to Ron that he was really good to her all day. And he was! Nick and Don finish the Detour and get on their way.
And...Ron and Christina finish first! Phil looks truly happy that it's them and not Nate and Jen. Me too, Phil. Me too.
Happy Phil.
Zombie Phil.
Here come Nate and Jen in second place, ha ha HA. Phil rubs it in, all, "You guys must be bummed right now, eh?" Jen once again tells us that they need to stop fighting. Um, duh. Nick and Don arrive at the mat next and by this point it's dark out.
TK? Rachel? Hellllooooo?
The sad music starts playing as we see them wandering around, doing their challenges, even though they know it's all over for them. I actually want to cry. They're kissing and still loving each other and not fighting. They are so sweet. They're cracking each other up in the cab on the way to the Pit Stop. Do they know they're in a contest? They arrive at the Mat in great spirits. Phil tells them the bad news. And then the good news! It's a non-elimination leg! WOOT WOOT!
Erf. Armpit.
But we find out they are three hours behind the other teams. I smell a bunch next week. So happy! The Hippies are still in, and Jen and Nate didn't get first place. Sweet.
This is the week of the Speed Bump, people! Will it live up to the hype, or, like the Yield, become an utter disappointment? The teams start off at the Pit Stop in Italy, and learn they're next off to Mumbai, India. Ah, India. It's usually where even the best of teams fall to pieces. Hooray! Plus, rickshaws! Or, as Phil says, "rickshorwrs."
During an interview, Jen tells us that she and Nate have acted "embarrassing" and "disgusting." Yep. Meanwhile, Ron blabs on about a "Renaissance of Me," which sounds totally like something George Costanza would say.
The first set of teams head to Mumbai, leaving the Goths and the Hippies behind. The Goths actually score a much better flight than the Hippies, but put on a big show of tragedy and sorrow and the Hippies fall for it and get excited that they aren't going to be in last place.
Then Kynt & Vxysin actually end up in Mumbai in first place! Boy, this will come in handy for when they hit their Speed Bump! Hooray, what great racing! And then the teams all get bunched, ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME. I don't know what TK & Rachel have done to receive such good karma but, even landing three hours behind everyone else, they're able to get back on even footing.
Is Ron wearing a surgical mask? The hell?
The teams have to find their next clue by reading a newspaper and looking for an ad with instructions. This wouldn't seem too difficult, and it's not, unless you're Nate & Jen, and then it is. Also, a tiny dog keeps terrorizing them and it makes me laugh.
That's what she said.
Most of the teams run off to the Detour, which is Paste 'Em or Thread 'Em. In Paste 'Em, teams must paste up a Bollywood poster, in six panels. In Thread 'Em, teams must find a flower stall and create a flower wedding garland and deliver it to the bridegroom. Not the elephant, JEN.
Rachel blinks a lot, have you noticed that?
Kynt and Vxysin hit their Speed Bump. They have to go somewhere and do some yoga, then go back to the Detour. They finish it without issue (easy yoga moves!) and get back on the road to do their Detour.
All the cops in the donut shop say "Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh"
Meanwhile, Ron and Christina are fighting while they Paste 'Em. More like Ron is berating Christina. Nick and Donald are also pasting 'em. TK and Rachel are threading flowers like it's their job (ha har, it IS Rachel's job!) and Nate and Jen also start doing Thread 'Em.
HOLLA if you think my dad's a douche!
As most of the teams finish up the Detour, Phil lets us know that the final U-Turn for the Race is coming up. Uh oh.
Kynt and Vyxsin arrive at Thread 'Em while Nate and Jen are still there! God, they are idiots and they are slow. They are slow idiots. Vyx notes that "they seem upset." YA THINK?
TK & Rachel choose to not use the U-Turn. Karma, dude! Nor do Nick and Donald. Ronald and Christina also choose not to use it.
Next up is the Roadblock! The team member must deliver some propane gas by bike. Ugh. This is going to suck – navigating always seems so difficult in India. TK, Ron and Nick decide to do it. And it actually doesn't seem all that bad, aside from being quite physically demanding.
Nate and Jen finish the flowers just before Kynt & Vyxsin. Oh no! K&V finish soon after, and I am praying they can get to that U-Turn first. AND THEY DO! And they make the worst decision ever. Worst decision ever. Not realizing that Nate & Jen haven't yet arrived at the U-Turn, they think that Nick and Don are behind them, and U-Turn them instead. Crap. I thought they knew Nate & Jen were behind them. This is a game-ending mistake.
TK finishes the Roadblock first and he and Rachel get on their way to the Pit Stop. Nick is finished next, and he looks like he might die from the exertion of the Roadblock, the poor kid. Ron finishes next, hernia intact.
Kynt chooses to do the Roadblock. You know, because he's so physically strong. Vyx sees Nate and Jen coming up behind her and realizes that they made a huge mistake. And we realize that Vyx is missing her right eyebrow.
Um, Vyx?
Jen chooses to perform the Roadblock. Heh. Nick has heatstroke, I think. He has to get out of his taxi and vomit. Aw. TK & Rachel win this leg of the race, and do the most hilarious little dance. Nick and Don arrive on the mat in 2nd place.
We watch Jen leave one of her receipts behind during the Roadblock, which causes much celebration in our house. Ron & Christina arrive at the Mat in third place. Jen retrieves her receipt and now she and Kynt are neck and neck and I am ready to crap my pants. Jen finishes first, but Kynt is literally right behind her. And then we find out that Kynt totally blew it and brought back the wrong receipts. What a stupid mistake. Jen and Nate are panicking and can't figure out how to get to the Pit Stop, but it's just a red herring, I know it.
I am on the edge of my seat. I LOVE THIS SHOW.
And, the next team to arrive at the Mat is...Nate and Jen.
Damn. Kynt and Vyx are eliminated and Phil gives them the award for Most Fashionable Couple. So cute! He is genuinely sorry to see them go. So am I. Bye, Pinkies! If only you had known to U-Turn Nate and Jen, you would be heroes right now.
If Nate and Jen win this thing, I will kill somebody, I swear to god.
But we're having so much fun.
There will be no screencaps for this episode, as tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I simply don't have the time. Sorry. Bygones! We'll talk about how the executive producer of TAR is a lying liar after the jump.
So, even though they put out press alerts to announce that they were dropping non-elimination legs from the Race, tonight ended in a non-elimination leg. WTF?
Not that I'm arguing...if ever I had wanted a leg to be a non-elim, it surely was this one.
First things first, though. This leg of the Race took place in Italy, and also featured our first Fast-Forward. And what an evil FF it was! To earn it, the team would have to get tattooed. As soon as Nick and Gramps decided to take the Fast Forward, I was thrilled, knowing that they would totally do it. And they did! Now they have matching "FF" tattoos on their arms. Too cute. I loved when Nick asked what "FF" stood for.
TK and Rachel had the worst leg imaginable, due to oversights and plain bad luck. Leaving a clue behind, TK apparently forgetting how to see, their flat tire...these two never got cross with each other. I really like watching them and I'm starting to want them to win.
Kynt & Vyxsyn also had a horrible leg, where a combo of a closed road and fatigue got them lost and completely frustrated. Vyx really could use a nice nap. They ended up on the mat in 5th place, right after TK & Rachel (a miracle they finished this leg at all). I was so sad, knowing we were going to lose our sparkly pink Goths. But...Phil popped out with a non-elimination leg. Why would they lie and tell us there weren't going to be any? I do not understand. Regardless, I'm glad everyone is still here.
And next week we get a new feature called "Speed Bump." At any point during the next leg, Kynt & Vyxsyn will be forced to complete a task before being allowed to move on in the Race. This could be interesting.
As for the others, Nate & Jen managed to not act like total assholes, but Ron was not so lucky. FREE CHRISTINA!
Our travels on The Amazing Race this week take us to Croatia (the first time for this show). We got a lot of airport drama, a lot of bickering from everybody's favorite couple, an unlikely first place finish, and an elimination that will allow me to watch the Race much more comfortably.
I never noticed this in the opening credits before. What on earth is he doing?
Is it just me, or are the teams this season mostly pretty fun? I mean, we have our bad apples, but the good ones seem to outnumber the bad ones. And the Hippie/Goth alliance is the bestest ever.
Speaking of bad apples, Azaria reached new levels of douchebaggery this week as he berated his sister in the airport about HIS OWN MISTAKE. Watching him grasp her tightly around the shoulders, lecturing her about her "attitude," with the rest of the teams looking on in embarrassment, made me really uncomfortable. He is a bully and a dick.
The airport drama broke down mostly because Kynt and Vyxsin decided to go their own way to buy tickets, and the rest of the teams panicked and made a thousand bad decisions because they didn't know if they should wait in line or follow the Goths. As Vyxsin said, "SHEEP." These decisions resulted in Gramps and Nick ending up second in line (instead of last, where they started), Nate and Jen missing out on the tickets they wanted, and Azaria and Hendekea inadvertently purchasing business class tickets and being unable to board the plane. D'OH!
Kynt and Vyxsin are my favorite team, but I noticed that they used a travel agency. I was under the impression that travel agencies were forbidden (a rule put in place after Team Cha, no?). Has that rule been dropped or do travel agencies within airports not count?
Anyhoo, the teams all eventually ended up in Croatia, although Gramps and Nick and Azaria and Hendekea were far behind the pack. Everyone started off with a Roadblock that basically involved putting a brick into a wall. Seriously.
Aaaaaaaaaaand that's the Roadblock!
The Detour was much more involved. Phil's explanation seemed to last a full five minutes. Summed up, though, it came down to either the brute strength of rowing a boat or the brute strength of climbing a rope ladder. The rope ladder looked brutal! But the rowing historically gives us epic breakdowns on TAR (remember Flo? Ugh.), so I cracked up when Nate and Jen chose rowing.
It went pretty much exactly the way you'd expect it would.
Also, if you go on TAR, much like driving stick, you should just assume that at some point you are going to have to row a boat. And wrangle a camel. There are just some things that are a given, people!
Once the Detour was completed, teams had to get up to the top of a mountain to jump on the Mat.
SUCK IT JESUS, I AM YOUR GOD NOW.
Nate and Jen's taxi driver wouldn't take them in the car because they were wet, causing Jen to completely fall apart and start hyperventilating. Meanwhile, Ron and Christine breezed right past them into first place. When Nate and Jen did find a car that would take them up, in their panic they chose a private car and not a taxi, and Phil sent them back down to do it again. So funny. They ended up in third, though, although at the mat, Jen looked like she wanted to stab Nate.
Nick and Gramps and Azaria and Hendekea battled it out for last place. Happily, that assface Azaria and his long-suffering sister were eliminated. Yay!
Help me.
We are still in Owagadoodoo, which I think might now be the permanent home of The Amazing Race.
Ah! We find out the teams will next be traveling to Lithuania. Azaria says he doesn't have a quick temper, and we next see him yanking Hendeka violently out of his way as they attempt to get a cab. I like him less and less.
How dare you try to hail a cab, woman.
They meet up with Nate and Jen at the airport and realize they have to wait until the counters open. They decide to do research online in the meantime. We find out that Ronald possesses only "Who's Your Daddy" tee shirts. In the same vein, here are the Goths, now with more pink! Kynt is very excited about going to Lithuania, apparently because it ends with the same letters as Transylvania. I guess?
Seriously, how does anyone keep up that level of eyebrow maintenance?
Most of the teams are in the same internet cafe looking for flights. Shana and Jennifer are arguing in a cab. One of them is telling us she felt badly about the whole U-Turn thing.
Ronald needs to FOSSILIZE his MOUTH, okay?
The teams are all booking their flights now, and it's very confusing so let's just wait and see how it all shakes down. The blondes are fighting! I'd tell you they were saying, but I still don't know which is which.
World's Worst Ticket Agent.
Can we talk about the commercial with that kid who, for his mom's holiday gift, buys HIMSELF a suit instead? And, apparently, that is the greatest gift his mom's ever received? Is he some sort of nudist, or a crackhead, or routinely wears dirty pajamas to dinner? Maybe she really DID want that crystal turtle. Selfish turd.
I hate you.
Teams arrive in Lithuania with Nathan & Jennifer in the lead, bickering the entire time. Why is Kynt talking with a British accent? Mirna, is that you?
Roadblock! The team member must deliver a package, basically. But must be a good listener in order to follow instructions.
HOLY CRAP THE BLONDES ALMOST GOT BROADSIDED BY A BUS. Well, that was a letdown. They, by the way, are lost. Nate & Jen are as well, and they are fighting. Are you surprised? Me neither. God, they suck.
She's talking about his penis, right? Please tell me she's talking about his penis.
"My hernia needs silence, s'il vous plait!"
Oh, joy, it's time for the Travelocity Product Placement Gnome! The teams have to look for the Travelocity Product Placement Gnome among bunches of Regular Old Lithuanian Gnomes. Kynt & Vyxsyn find theirs quickly and move on to the Detour, which is...Count Down or Step Up. For Count Down, teams must count every picket in a long fence. In Step Up, they have to walk on stilts. Deceivingly simple. Just about everyone starts off with the stilts. Kynt and Vyxsyn abandon the stilts and begin the picket-counting.
Is it just me or does Rachel have the most adorable ass? Speaking of Rachel - she, her ass and TK are the first to finish the Detour and are headed to the Pit Stop. Kynt and Vyxsyn are close behind, but TK & Rachel take first place. They win a trip to Japan that sounds so unbelievable, Rachel almost falls down with excitement. Good for them.
My ass LOVES Japan!
While counting pickets, Jennifer yells at the local villagers. Nice. She and Nate also keep interrupting each other while they're counting. Idiots. And then Ronald takes a nasty spill off his stilts. Ooof. I bet he broke his hernia.
The Blondes are looking for the gnomes and urge each to search "the whole parameter." Nick and Grandpa are beginning the picket-counting. The Blondes choose the same task, because they're "really good at counting!" They're really good at bickering about counting, actually.
Nick and Grandpa finish counting, HOORAY! They get to the Pit Stop in 6th place. This means Blonde and Other Blonde are in last place, HOORAY! They are Philiminated, crying, and can you even believe they are talking about manicures and pedicures again? Bleh. Goodbye. Say hi to Lorena and Jason!
"Well, at least we made it far enough to act like ignorant ugly Americans in Africa. Thanks, Amazing Race!"
This week's Amazing Race starts off with the teams still in Ouagadougou. We get chickens in bags, African Idol tryouts, goats in baskets, and dancing Goths. To start off the leg, each team must greet the Chief, who will offer them a chicken. Teams need to keep the chicken with them all the way to the Pit Stop. One would think this would cause hijinx, but it doesn't really, unfortunately.
It was a bit pitchy, dawg.
This episode's Detour is "Shake Your Pan" or "Shake Your Booty." I could listen to Phil say "booty" all night, thanks. One task is panning for an ounce of gold (which seemed damn easy, as the gold appeared to be placed there already) and the other task is doing a traditional tribal dance with some creative moves thrown in.
Kynt and Vyxsin end up being remarkably good at this; Kynt especially. The crowd loves them.
And then he was named their king.
As for Jennifer and Nathan, they suck, even though SHE'S A DANCER!
"But I'm a DANCER!"
This episode also gives us the introduction of the U-Turn, which is replacing the Yield. The U-Turn takes place only after a Detour, and forces the chosen team to go back and complete the Detour they didn't originally choose. Shana and Jennifer decide to use it on Jason and Lorena, who are quite far behind them in last place. Unnecessary, perhaps? I can never tell with these things. It sort of gives them some breathing room in case they screw up later, but they also create some ill-will, as TK points out to us in an aside. Later the girls start bickering over whether or not they made the right decision.
The Roadblock takes place at a market, and the team member has to collect a ton of supplies, load up the bike and ride to another market. One of these supplies is a live goat tied up in a laundry basket and it's fricking disturbing. Kynt and Vyxsin start to bicker and fall apart a bit during this task, but instead of being annoyed by them, I feel kinda bad. Vyxsin is really moved by the country and the people and cries a bit in the van on the way to the Pit Stop. Kynt just looks uncomfortable.
Shana, on the other hand, complains that nobody in Africa speaks English. How inconvenient for her and her stupid ignorant ass.
Meanwhile, Jason and Lorena are dancing and Jason is filled with lust. As they arrive at the U-Turn, they see their own photo and are livid. As I would be. But they go ahead with the second Detour in good spirits and finish quickly (or at least it looks like it).
I love you, chicken. Never forget.
Azaria/Hendekea and Jennifer/Nate arrive at the Pit Stop within a second of each other, but A/H get the win. For the third time. Jennifer is a total bitch about it.
Phil, tell them to stop winning so much! It's not faaaaaaaaaaaair!
The other teams all finish without incident.
You know, I think A/H are running a great race, but there is something about the way Azaria talks to and about his sister that really rubs me the wrong way.
"I wish she looked like that all the time..."
Meanwhile, Jason and Lorena head to the Pit Stop in last place. I reckon they might have been too far behind to begin with, U-Turn or not. Jason promises her they'll get a million dollars, somehow. Kind of sweet, even though Jason tells us yet again that he doesn't want to get married. Oh well.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to post about TAR this week on time. We were out of town. This week's recap will be short and takes a page from GeekBoy's "he said/she said" Heroes-stizz.
Kynt and Vxysin were all, "Kynt is a girl!"
Jennifer and Nate were all, "We're totally not happy to see that you made our flight!"
Ronald and Christina were all, "Ow! My hernia!"
Shana and Jennifer were all, "Hi, we're racists!"
Azaria and Hendeka were all, "We've hit our stride!"
Lorena and Jason were all, "OMG PLEASE LORD UP IN HEAVEN HELP US WITH THE CAMELS AND THE MILK IN THE NAME OF THE HOLY SPIRIT AMEN WAAAAAAH"
Nicolas and Donald were all, "Those sisters are teh hotness."
Rachel and TK were all, "Camel milk tastes like ass."
Phil's hair was all, "GAAAAHHHH!"
Marianna and Julia were all, "Goodbye."
A fun episode of TAR this week, with all the weird tasks we've come to expect - furniture hoisting, bicycle searching, mud jumping and naked old men. Plus a jerky father thrown in for good measure. More dirty details after the jump.
Our teams started out in Ireland and soon found out they would be traveling to Amsterdam. Woot! Roadblock in a hash bar!
You wish, hippie.
Our first bit of airport drama involved Ronald and Christina versus Nick and Donald. Actually, it was just Ronald being a total dick and "explaining" to Nick that he didn't like his behavior, and Christina stood around wishing for death. Pssst, Christina, you should consider yourself lucky he wasn't around while you were growing up. You'd probably be either in jail or in the grips of a massive eating disorder.
I don't have any flights available, but perhaps you'd like to borrow my magical unicorn?
The Detour this week was a choice between hoisting furniture up into a building, or searching for some bikes and riding them five miles to a drop-off point. I thought the bike task would be more difficult, but I didn't realize that the hoisters would have to figure out how to tie several different kinds of knots. Knots which, by the way, completely flummoxed TK. Too bad bongs aren't made with rope.
Speaking of stupid, did you notice either Shanna or Jennifer (I don't know which is which yet) driving while holding on her highbeams with her finger? (DIRTY) Oy.
Huh?
Christina and her father chose the Bicycle Detour, as did the Friendly Lesbians. Ronald spent the entire detour berating his daughter and demanding that she stop having a such a positive attitude (I am not kidding), while Kate and Pat snickered in the background.
Over at the Roadblock, teams found out that one member would have to pole-vault over a muddy ditch. Good times!
Nice pole, Phil.
Everyone ended up filthy dirty, with the exceptions of Jason and Rachel, who sailed over hardly touching the mud. Not so much for everyone else, including Grandpa. For reasons that escape me, he decided he'd perform the task better in his underpants. Poor Nick.
Grandpa, please put your clothes back on.
Christina also struggled with the task, as her father kept up a constant stream of "encouragement" that was actually "obnoxious." The second she told him to shut it, she sailed over the ditch with ease. Also, during this Roadblock, we found out the only thing goths are afraid of. Mud.
"So you see, if you measure the velocity and the wind resistance against the weight of your fat ass, you will find that I am a total tool."
Lorena and Jason finished the leg first. Kate and Pat finished last and were eliminated. And they deserved it. They seemed like nice people, but you can't go on this show and expect to get ahead by waiting for somebody else to mess up.
So, last night the latest season of The Amazing Race kicked off at the Playboy Mansion, of all places. Really, CBS? If you say so.
Let's discuss our first impressions after the jump.
Darling, have you missed me? I bought a new leather jacket. You like, yes?
Kynt & Vyxsin. I am trying to look past their stupid names and am trying to stop wondering what is so goth and dark about bright pink animal-print t-shirts. I want to hate them, but I did enjoy their drama-free racing during this leg, and was also cheered to see that Vyxsin seems to be the brawn of this team.
There's nothing more alternative than two goths in a minivan.
Jennifer & Nathan. Ugh. The first thing Jennifer tells us is that Nathan cheated on her once, and they pretty much spend the entire episode screaming.
Ronald & Christina. Father/daughter team who seem very sweet. Can't really say much more except "Who's your daddy?"
Shana & Jennifer. I have to admit that I don't even remember these two from last night.
Azaria & Hendekea. We were liking this brother/sister team until Azaria made some snarky remark about women needing to ask directions all the time, har har har. Huh?
Lorena & Jason. I didn't get a strong sense of anything from these two, except for him completely ignoring her as she cried and begged him from the back of the car to turn around, that they were going the wrong way. Spoiler Alert! They were going the wrong way.
Nicolas & Donald. Supercute grandson/grandfather team. Things don't look that good for them, as Grandpa actually got his shoe caught in a bush 30 minutes into the show.
Ari & Staella. During their introduction, I asked the geekboy, "Have we ever had a fag and his hag before on the show?" And he said, "Yes, Rebecca and Adam" and I fell in love with him all over again.
Marianna & Julia. These two are gorgeous, but I haven't gotten a strong vibe off of them yet. I also love shouting, "HOOLIA!"
Rachel & TK. TK looks like he's wearing a wig. And his hair probably smells like bong water.
Miracle ticket? Miracle ticket?
Kate & Pat. These are our lesbian ministers, whose opening shot on the show was them sharing a sweet kiss. However, I will grow tired of them quickly if they turn into one of those praying teams.
So. Our teams started off in Shannon, Ireland, where Ari and Staella kicked things off by stealing a cab from another team. The teams all made their way to Inis Mor, where Lisa and I once visited in Ireland. It looks like a postcard. Back on the mainland, the teams had to go to Cleggan Farm and perform their first Roadblock, where they would ride bikes on a high-wire over a ravine. It actually sounds more dangerous than it was. But I would have been peeing myself.
To get to the Pit Stop, teams had to lead a donkey to the entrance of the farm. Kudos to production for starting off the Race with cranky animals - always gold in my book. Ari told his donkey if it didn't move, he was going to cut it up and eat it, while Jennifer and Nathan simply screamed in their donkey's face until it actually had a nervous breakdown.
"And I've seen a lot of people racing across an island on foot in Ireland, with tv cameras following them, you know!"
The leg decider turned out to be the donkey, and Jennifer and Nathan unfortunately did finally get their donkey moving. Ari and Staella got to the Pit Stop a little too late, and were eliminated. That'll teach you to steal someone's cab, Ari!
Azaria & Hendekea won this leg, and Azaria said, "You look at her small frame and you don't see the tiger that's within."
He is irritating me.
Meet the teams from TAR 12. (windows media file)
Meet the teams of The Amazing Race. Good to see that TAR continues finding diverse couples to even out all the actor/models of yore. This season we've got lesbian ministers and our first grandfather/grandson team. Also, this.