Archives: The Apprentice: Martha
Thursday December 8, 2005
Don't Drink and Edit

I guess we all knew from the huge amount of face time (and bubble-butt in some boxer briefs time) that sandal-lovin' Ryan was pretty much doomed from the get-go last night. Seriously, that was an awful commercial--very late-night and local, if you know what I mean. As for the second firing, my friend Kevin was watching with me and called it halfway through (it seems to be the Apprentice trend this year), but I wasn't expecting it. No big deal, though--Marcela's a dishrag and wouldn't last a day at MSLO.

Prediction for next week (in other words, this will be so wrong): we get one more week of awful Jim, and then the two women battle it out for the job. Who do you think is going to claim the prze?

Posted by Max at 7:00 PM - link - Comments (9)
Filed Under: The Apprentice: Martha
Thursday December 1, 2005
Is that a bed?

Wow--I know nothing about marketing, advertising, or cars, but even I knew that Matchstick's display last night for that big car that my grandmother would probably really enjoy totally SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED! The marketing students at my school could have come up with something 1000 times better, and with 1% of the budget.

So adios, Leslie. I think/hope Jim is the next to go...Bethenny (get a real spelling, girl) and Dawna look like the top contenders to me. But what do I know--I rooted for Howie.

Posted by Max at 9:02 PM - link - Comments (2)
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Thursday November 10, 2005
Valuable Lessons

So what did we learn this week on Martha's Apprentice? Two things:

1. Martha Stewart and Norman Bates have something else in common besides a need to keep those showers spotlessly clean after each use: taxidermy! Martha--those fish--everywhere--scary! Good Lord, is there a creepier hobby? (No offense to you stuffed-creature-lovers out there, but it just gives me the willies.)

2. The instant I start rooting openly for a contestant to win on any reality show, you can pretty much kiss his or her ass goodbye. (Although he was seriously off his game this time--what was the deal with his horrible performance on the QVC challenge?)

Posted by Max at 1:06 AM - link - Comments (2)
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Thursday November 3, 2005

Last night, Martha delivered a mini-version of last week's Trumpian bloodbath and knocked out two members of Primarius instead of one. Sarah and Carrie, with their weird codependent relationship (why did Sarah feel so compelled to even pick a "number two"?), managed to accomplish nothing but a pageant of embarrassment for the rest of their team members (their plan seemed to involve jumping around and screaming about a detergent "pen" for a few hours), and Martha sent the gruesome twosome packing. They totally deserved it, of course, for making good ol' Howie look so bad in front of Martha. Howie's gotta win this thing, y'all, he's just gotta.

Oh, and someone tell Marcela that when another person at the table asks for some of your food, that's not actually an "intimate" experience, even if that person is Martha Stewart. Weirdo.

Posted by Max at 7:49 AM - link - Comments (8)
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Thursday October 20, 2005
I'd rather eat poo-flavored salad dressing...

...than be forced to sit in a room with Jim for more than three minutes. And yet Martha still kept him in the game (sorry, "job interview") last night, instead choosing to dump Jennifer back into the cold, non-Good Thing world. I guess it makes sense from a management standpoint (Jim did have really high sales), but seriously, how can you sit across from him and listen to him talk and NOT want to punch him in the mouth?

I thought that the Asian salad dressing sounded much better-tasting than the Rosemary-Lime, but then I'm not much of a rosemary fan--I think it would taste like someone squirted dish soap all over your salad.

Does Martha always assign the tasks via "videophone" because of the whole house-arrest thing? How much "business in Bedford" could she have, week after week?

We haven't really talked favorites here so far--who do you think is going to make it all the way? Right now I'm both rooting for and betting on Howie, but I guess that could change now that the teams are all mixed up.

Posted by Max at 7:47 AM - link - Comments (9)
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Thursday October 13, 2005
Alexis, Do You Need to Talk to Someone?

Listen, y'all, I can't watch Martha's Apprentice any more without getting really worried about Alexis. Is there a more morose, crying-through-the-grimace person on TV? She's so clearly not happy to be anywhere near this show (or perhaps her mother), and last night's admission that she was accustomed to being "the member of the team that everyone doesn't like" broke my heart. Get that girl on some meds, please!

Oh, and there was a show to watch, too, when I wasn't diagnosing Martha's daughter. In a total (non-) shocker, Team Matchstick lost again. Now this is a streak--Stephenie and Bobby Jon must be secret members of this crew, because they are turning losing into a real art form. I thought the theme of the Primawhatever team's hotel room was annoying, but I'm not a big fan of "themed" anything (well, I like that "Theme from Rocky" song, but that's different). Personally, my minimalist (but sadly not minimal) ass would have loved the Matchstick suite, sofas or not. Still, we're for anything that kicks out weird, excuse-making, totally delusional Dawn, right?

Posted by Max at 9:05 PM - link - Comments (5)
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Sunday October 9, 2005
Fake It 'Til You...Get Fired

I know this update on Apprentice: MS is very late (damn those Homecoming dance chaperone duties), but I think it needs to be noted that yes, we were all feeling a little nauseated last week as we had to look at Jim's waxy, obviously-Naired torso and think, "This guy is breeding."

But on to the task at hand--a wedding cake challenge that resulted in one sort of boring but rather pretty creation, and a weird and bizarre-from-almost-every-angle product that sold absolutely zip when it was put on the market. Martha rocked my world when she stepped in and decided to fire someone who was not even technically in danger--the annoying Shawn got knocked down a peg or eight, and Martha even called her out for wanting to be a TV personality and not a true "apprentice." Yes, it's shocking to think that people might go on these shows just for a shot at TV fame, isn't it?

Still hating that stupid cigar, still wondering why Alexis--who is quite pretty--insists on a haircut that accentuates her oversized ears, still hoping this show's ratings improve enough to earn a second season. I know, I know--lost causes all.

Posted by Max at 11:24 AM - link - Comments (6)
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Sunday October 2, 2005
Martha Moves

I just wanted to give everyone the heads-up on this news, which means that the Apprentice: Martha Stewart recaps on here will now be running a couple of days late each week. You see, I live in a one-tuner TiVo house (I know, I'm like a caveman!), and I'm sure as heck not missing out on Lost each week--I'll be catching the A:MS reruns on CNBC On Thursdays.

Hey, speaking of Thursdays, how awful is Joey this season? Only 2 episodes in and it's already painful to watch.

And did anyone else turn off their TVs as soon as they saw the horrible Horatio Sanz replacing Tina Fey on SNL's Weekend Update last night? Gross. Call me when Tina's maternity leave is over, please.

Posted by Max at 4:30 PM - link - Comments (7)
Filed Under: The Apprentice: Martha
Wednesday September 28, 2005

Well, anyone who thought that the gays would have some sort of advantage in Martha's world has been proven very, very wrong. Martha can't get rid of them fast enough! Of course, the gay thing has nothing to do with it--we've had two weeks of shoddy leadership on Matchstick and the team is paying the price. I'll admit I had a secret hope that Jim--who not only looks like Judd Winick's evil twin, but is easily twice as annoying as his lookalike--might get sent packing, but I guess we'll have to wait a bit for his comeuppance in the conference room. Hey, speaking of Jim, here's a pop quiz for you:

In Jim's world, the best way to describe Dawn is as a ___.
A. Cancer
B. Virus
C. Roadblock
D. Charlatan
E. All of the above

The answer, of course, is E. That Jim--weaselly master of the metaphor!

Team Primarius (wasn't he one of the Transformers?) didn't get a whole lot of face time this week--I guess it's hard for a "floral design celebrity" to compete with a needy project leader who decides to have his 19th nervous breakdown on national TV, huh? But seriously, it's a good thing they changed their strategy at the end--are people in NYC so out of touch that they really would have bought a piddly little arrangement for 150 bucks? If so, then I have got to introduce them to a little boutique we have down here called "the Winn-Dixie flower section"--they wouldn't believe the bargains!

Posted by Max at 10:22 PM - link - Comments (13)
Filed Under: The Apprentice: Martha