Things From the Season Finale of The Apprentice We Didn't See, But Should Have:
1. An explanation for the presence of Omarosa.
2. Jaime Pressley kick Lenny in the testicles, repeatedly.
3. Trump riding in a car with a panda bear.
4. The actual OUTCOME and monies raised for each event.
5. A conversation with the candidates' teams.
6. Less of Trump yelling like a five-year-old, "DO YOU LOVE HER, HUH?"
7. More! Jason! Priestley!
8. The reason why Roxanne was wearing a pirate shirt.
9. More Trump wives in the audience.
10. An extended remix of Tammy trying to let the stage door slam in Allie's face.
and congratulations to Jane for winning the Fantasy Game!
This week on The Apprentice, Sean and Lee were notified they were the Final Two by Trump and then were met back in the suite by all their fired compadres to celebrate. The boys each had to pick three people to help them complete their final mega-task. Sean picked Tammy (natch), Andrea and Tarek. All good choices, I think. Lee picked Lenny and then Lenny picked Roxanne (because apparently she is the only female that Lenny can stand) and Pepi (this, I have no idea). Pepi was fired in the second week; what does Lenny know about him? Carolyn was equal parts flummoxed and hysterical over Lee's choices.
Sean's event is going to be a Barenaked Ladies concert for charity down in Atlantic City. Lee's is going to be a benefit hockey game at Chelsea Piers. Lee does not seem to understand the magnitude of event planning, and as the episode ended, his customer was hella pissed at him. Sean does understand the magnitude, yet felt fine with leaving his underlings to negotiate the charity stuff while he sampled canapes with Tammy. Not smart, but Andrea and Tarek seemed to handle it fine. At the end of the episode, Andrea shocked her team by having to leave to deal with a medical emergency. I thought this was weird - she told Tammy that she was coughing up blood. COUGHING UP BLOOD. Tammy just sort of went, "Oh," and then asked her about the banners being delivered. COUGHING UP BLOOD! I would have been running around in circles, screaming, and calling 911. Poor Andrea. I wonder if she is okay.
This season of The Apprentice has been so full of unlikeable people that I can't even get excited when someone gets fired anymore. However, last night was the exception. Not only did Allie and Roxanne totally fail their task, they were annihilated at the hands of Sean, the angry metrosexual who had vowed to seek vengeance on behalf of his poor, wronged, fired Tammy. It was spectacular.
The task this week was simple. With the help of a designer, re-design uniforms for the staff of a big hotel. The staff will vote for the winning designs. Again, simple. Sean and Lee spoke with the staff, asked them exactly what their "dream" uniform would look like. Turns out that the staff pretty much likes their uniforms the way they are, but would like some fun epaulets and weather-proofing. Sean suggested zip-out thermal linings, ventilation, things like that. On the other hand, Allie told the housekeeping staff that they should wear culottes. CULOTTES, PEOPLE. Also, when the front desk woman said that she doesn't like her current pants, but wants pants, Allie heard, "I want a skirt." Did Roxanne say anything? No. Because she's just as big a bitch as Allie is, and was hoping to let Allie hang herself.
At the fashion show, the hotel staff has a visibly positive reaction to Team Goldrush, whose uniforms were traditional yet a bit more functional and trendy-looking. Then came Synergy's show, which could only be described as "Santino Rice is Blinded in a Terrible Sequin Accident and Is Forced to Put A Dress Together In The Dark Using Only the Curtains From His Grandmother's Rumpus Room." The chef uniforms were so ridiculous that the cooking staff actually started complaining, right there in their seats. Oh, it tasted GOOD.
Obviously, it was a blowout. Sean and Lee got to have dinner with the Trumplets as a reward, and I am so in love with Ivanka Trump I can hardly stand it. Allie and Roxanne spent their pre-boardroom time talking about how much they love each other, and I nastily remarked to the geekboy, "Why doesn't Roxanne just crawl into her bed and hold her tenderly?" AND SHE DID. Long story short? They immediately turned on each other in the Boardroom, tore each other to shreds, shrieked and raised eyebrows and yelled, "I disagree, Mr. Trump" until he was so annoyed that he fired them both. Oh. Hell. Yeah. Oh, and Roxanne very sadly whispered to Allie as they were leaving, "Are we still friends?" Poor, pathetic, needy Roxanne. Allie doesn't give a crap about you.
All right, Allie and Roxanne both need to die. I can't believe how much I liked them in the beginning. And I REALLY can't believe that this show is going to force me to root for Sean to win. SEAN! With the accent and the floppy hair and the weird lips. Sean. GO SEAN! Anyway, on this week's Apprentice, Tammy was PM for Synergy and was pooped on by her teammates, Allie and Roxanne. They rolled their eyes at every turn, and when Tammy finally got frustrated and said, "For once, I want a project to be about me," they lost their minds. I think I got what Tammy was saying. Allie and Roxanne are "stars," in their own minds and with each other. They lap up praise and congratulate each other constantly. Tammy just wanted to get in on some of that. On Goldrush, PM Sean and Lee had a grand design and outsourced all of it. The typical chaos ensued when their stuff was not delivered on time (or not delivered at all). I was pretty surprised they had no Plan B. If they had lost the task, the lack of Plan B would have sent Sean packing. But they didn't lose. They didn't lose because, even though their display looked like ass, they remembered the product and the customer. By sticking price tags and grouping products together, their area was retail-friendly. Synergy's was really neat-looking and comfortable, but there were no prices anywhere. As the Wal-Mart guy pointed out, people would totally be attracted to walk in there, but they wouldn't leave with anything because it didn't look like anything was for sale.
So, Sean and Lee got an AWESOME reward and got to do little voiceovers for product-placed movie "Over the Hedge," and got to meet Jeffrey Katzenberg. Allie and Roxanne went after Tammy in the Boardroom, they both got reprimanded for their catty treatment of Tammy (was anyone hoping Ivanka might just get up and slap Allie in the face?), but in the end, Tammy got the boot. Oh, well.
Last night's Apprentice was a great episode, right up until the end. I forgot that I really hate this part of the season; where Trump has already chosen his final few candidates and we have to endure totally random firings for totally random reasons. This episode started out with the women harassing Sean to the point where he had to put in earplugs to go to sleep. Roxanne was especially nasty, which was a disappointment. But it didn't matter, because Sean volunteered himself to go to Goldrush, making it Men versus Women and you know Trump loves that stuff. The candidates headed over to Rutgers University to hold dueling tailgate parties. My favorite part of this meeting with Trump was how, while he explained the task, the cheerleaders and marching band had to MIME doing their thing so they wouldn't mess up Trump's blabbing. It was hysterical. Also loved seeing our neck of the woods on tv! We had dinner at that Outback a few weeks ago. Good times. Anyway, Gold Rush (with Lee in charge YET AGAIN) created a huge spectacle and attracted tons of people. Synergy had barely any hype, but decided to actually deliver food to the partiers. Guess who won? By a frickin' landslide! Can't stand the girls but loved their creativity.
In the boardroom, Sean and Lee turned on Michael, which was just a load of crap. But at this point they have to turn on someone, right? Anyway, Michael was fired (could Carolyn have hated him more? what was that about?) and it was absolutely undeserved. Listen, I know that there is no way Michael can win this game; he has no killer competitive edge. However, Lee messed up this task, pure and simple. He totally missed the point, which was sales. He was responsible for the loss, and for some mysterious reason Trump not only let him slide, but didn't even question him on it. Feh. But hey, George came back! For the food-eating contest! I love him.
Guh. This week on The Apprentice, Trump made Charmaine touch his hair, remarked about how pretty she was, and then made his second comment in two weeks to an African-American contestant about how "well-spoken" he is. He's a charmer, that Mr. Trump. George is presumably dead, as he was not on camera again this week, replaced by Bill Rancic and his Teeth of Glory. We had yet another product-placed selling task, which is getting old. There's really no way to show creativity in these tasks; either you sell or you don't. Our product this week was a hair cutting chain. Charmaine was PM for Gold Rush, and Tarek and Lee plotted against her at every opportunity. When Lee stated, "Here we are, taking orders from a woman," I reached into my television set and put my foot in his ass. Over on Synergy, Tammy was in charge, although you wouldn't know it, as Allie was drunk with power from last week's Boardroom. Allie and Roxanne decided to freeze out Sean for going against them last week, and Tammy is stuck in the middle, as apparently she wants to get busy with Sean. :: shudder :: You could tell she likes him because she ate her pizza with a fork and knife. That girl is from Jersey, people. We don't do that unless we're trying to avoid ending up with pizza all over our shirts.
Both teams did exactly the same thing, but Gold Rush came up short in the end. Synergy got to write a song with Burt Bacharach as reward, and the less said about that, the better. The real drama was in the Boardroom, where Charmaine and Tarek screamed at each other for so long, I thought Lee was going to die from happiness. That may have just been his secret pleasure from my FOOT UP HIS ASS, though. Carolyn looked like she was having the time of her life as well. Poor Michael tried hard to defend Charmaine, but just looked like the one sane person in a room full of psychotics. By the time the yelling died down, we got a double-firing and Lee was "put on notice," whatever that means. Tarek's been on notice since the first episode, and it's taken this long to get rid of him.
This week on The Apprentice, we saw adorable and perky little Allie, Little Miss "This Turkey Is Delicious," morph into a bloodthirsty shrew hell-bent on getting Andrea fired. It? Was awesome.
Here's the thing. We all know about Andrea - the dead eyes, the dictator-like way she goes about doing things, her passive-aggressive "I'm shocked" looks in the boardroom. We all know she probably wouldn't win, as she seemed to be distancing herself from her teammates. Unfortunately, Andrea ended up on a team with a very tight clique - Roxanne, Tammy and Allie, with Sean as their male whore. There was no room for Andrea so she had to be destroyed. Make no mistake; I have no problem with Andrea getting fired, but MAN, did she get railroaded or what?
Just as a quick recap, the teams had to design and sell souvenir programs for Ellis Island. Goldrush got up earlier than Synergy and went straight to the tourist ferries, where they had a captive audience. Synergy couldn't compete and just never caught up. Allie was PM and, even though at one point Tammy lost a folder full of notes and the two of them missed the ferry, they decided that Andrea must die. DIE! The three women schemed and assured each other they would present a united front to take Andrea down. Sean became increasingly uncomfortable, and tried to talk to Andrea and express his support. I guess they'll turn on him next. In the Boardroom, the women executed their Fire Andrea campaign with frightening precision. Trump played right into their little claws. It was impressive.
What did you think? I thought this was a great episode. And Andrea cried in her cab. Cried, you guys! We didn't think she could. Nice to know there was a human in there after all.
There were two Apprentice episodes this week, and I'm squishing them both into one recap. What? I'm still trying to recover from the thought of that...sandwich. Ugh.
Anyhoo! This week our Apprenti took on the traditional task of renovation. They had to make over one room for the Boys & Girls Club of America, and apparently were both urged to use karaoke and drum machines. I don't know. Both teams did okay (I loved the black and white tile that Goldrush used, but I reckon kids don't really give a crap), but didn't it make you sad that neither team set up a reading corner? Michael was the PM for Synergy, and seemed totally paralyzed in the decision-making process. Lucky for him, all the right decisions were made, and they won. Sean, Allie and Roxanne got even creepier this week, and I wonder if they all sleep in the same bed, curled up like hamsters. Ew. Goldrush was not so lucky, and their PM Lenny led them to failure. Lenny totally ignored their customer (who, let's face it, was ACE Hardware, not the kdis), much to Charmaine's chagrin. Long story short - Lee and Lenny tried to gang up on Charmaine in the boardroom; Trump wasn't having it, and Lenny was fired. And I'm in first place in the Fantasy Game, woo!
The second episode focused around a new sandwich offered by 7-11 called the P'EatZZa, which may be the stupidest name for anything ever in the history of the world. Also? GROSS. A sandwich with pizza instead of bread? Does America really need that? Saturday Night Live has begun predicting the future. Andrea decided to be PM for Synergy and became obsessed with hats. Leslie was PM for GoldRush and thought that 7-11 customers would pay $8 for a sandwich. You can see where this is going. Lee tried to close a yooge deal for 1000 sandwiches, but when has that ever worked? However, Trump actually commended him for it, and dumped Leslie for bad pricing, even though IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY! The biggest shock of last night's episode for me was that Tarek made me laugh out loud when he told potential customers that the sandwich was so good it would change their "very perception of reality." Heh.
It appears we'll be getting two episodes of The Apprentice on Monday. Double the pleasure, double the fun. I ran across this press release and it tells who the PMs will be for both tasks and, by process of elimination, also gives away what team likely wins the task in the first episode. The geekboy and I may or may not have changed our answers in the Fantasy Game accordingly, so, in the interest of fairness, here's the link if you are interested. Please don't discuss any spoilery-type info in the comments, though. Thanks.
I love Carolyn. Rarely do you get to see someone flame out and burn the way Bryce did in the Boardroom this week, and I enjoyed watching Carolyn enjoy it. This week, Charmaine cried, Arby's made chicken sandwiches, Lenny didn't know what a jingle was, Bryce's team was late to a meeting, Sean gave me a terrifying case of the willies (am I the only one who finds him completely repulsive?), Leslie aged 15 years seemingly overnight, Charmaine cried again, Trump "danced" and the baby jesus cried, Synergy ate overpriced pieces of fungus, Tarek slipped by yet AGAIN, and Lee went to temple. And then Bryce tried to get Lee fired for going to temple. And THEN Bryce yelled at Trump. And then, to the shock of nobody, Bryce was fired. And then he talked shit about Trump in the cab. Nice.
P.S. Did anyone else notice Michael totally try to kiss Sean when Synergy found out they won? What was up with that?
First off, Apprentice fans, let's talk about what kind of freaks make a commercial for A BOAT that starts off with someone shipwrecked and drowning. If you think that makes me want to come and sail the high seas, you've got another think coming, Gold Rush. Also? Your "castaway" looked like he was being apprehended.
We'll put you in a cell with T-Bag.
Over on Synergy, Roxanne and Andrea butted heads over Roxanne's management style. Part of it was because Roxanne wasn't providing enough guidance, but it was mostly because Andrea is a robot bitch. However, their commercial was pretty good. It showed the cruise line in a good light, tried to compare and contrast against "regular" cruising and, most importantly, had VOICEOVER. Tarek on Goldrush had the idiotic idea to avoid narration altogether, a move that Lenny vehemently opposed, but Dan (the PM) went with Tarek, assuring a failure.
And fail they did, both in the task and the boardroom. At one point, everyone was literally screaming at each other. It was absolutely gross. Dan was basically told to bring Lenny into the boardroom; he did not, and he was fired. I really thought it was going to be Tarek; I was sort of surprised there wasn't a double-firing.
Raise your hand if you think these people all suck.
Everyone's favorite schlub from The Apprentice, Brent, is giving away his "secret" to losing weight. Bagels. Tons of them. Plus, "chicken fingers and cheese fries, pizza, ice cream sundae, cake." I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
That's a slogan that just rolls right off the old tongue, huh? Sheesh. This week on The Apprentice, our dear little aspiring Trumpies had to design a billboard for cereal. Charmaine stepped up as Project Manager, after a bout of tears when she found out Theresa was fired because of her, and brought her team to a nice win. On Synergy, Tammy took on the PM role and used it to shoot down every idea Brent had and then finally put him in charge of clothing. Oh my god. Seriously? And if that's true, why in the hell was Brent up until 4:30am, as he stated to Tammy the next day? Whatever. Brent was awful in this episode; it was like watching a petulant little boy. It was very uncomfortable, slightly disturbing, and the man really needs to get over his bitterness towards the world at large. At one point, I honestly thought he was going to yell, "I hate you and I hate your ass face!"
Luckily, Brent finally went past the tipping point this week and Trump fired him for basically being a pain in the ass. I know I had said before that Trump would never fire Brent until he actually messed up, but he was killing the team. I am really looking forward, though, to see if Synergy's dynamics change once Brent leaves. I have a feeling they've been blaming any mistakes made on Brent, and without his crazy ass to kick around anymore, they're going to have to take a bit more responsibility.
As for the whole "Tammy calling Brent fat" controversy - I wholly believe that's exactly what she was saying. The dynamics of corporate image and weight and appearance is an entire other discussion, though. And - Bryce is kind of an ass. Also - I am 99% sure that Andrea is a robot.
This week's episode of The Apprentice was planning an event, which is always fun with these boneheads. Our PMs were Theresa, who apparently got her breasts enlarged since last week, and Andrea, the tall one with the dead eyes who locked herself in the toilet when Brent returned from the Boardroom. Andrea decided to prove that she can manage someone like Brent to a win, and she did. She said she gave him busywork and kept him occupied. I'm surprised we didn't see him complain about that, but the editors were too busy putting together a montage of him stuffing his face, because fat people are funny, ha ha HA! I'm sure Brent is being an idiot enough on his own without them having to do crap like that. Ah, whatever, who cares.
Anyway, Theresa has no theme for her event (introducing car dealer owners to a new SUV), even though Tarek the Mensa Man keeps insisting they need one. She believes that the elegance and class of her horse-drawn carriage is enough. Ugh. Because when I think big, powerful and fast SUV, I think "horse-drawn carriage." Lenny was a total dick during the task, but I have to say I find him amusing. Yet slightly threatening. Trump thinks Lenny is funny, and repeated the same joke about him being a comedian in the boardroom four times until someone laughed. And how about the comedian Theresa's team hired? I was peeing my pants. Andrea's team put together a nice theme - Nature, Refined - and threw what looked like a fun event. Obviously they won, Brent lives another week, I did crappy in the fantasy game [edited to add: Apparently I did not do crappy. I apologize), and Theresa ended up sacrificing herself for Charmaine because she's stupid.
This week on The Apprentice, we were privy to the time-honored tradition of this show - everyone team up against the weird one. Now, I'm not saying that Brent isn't annoying or obnoxious, because he is. But the way these people smell weakness and then pile on someone who's different is almost stunning. I understand they are all playing to win, and that's cool but, wow, Stacy, shut up. It's also stunning how they never learn that, after the Stacey J. debacle, Trump will not fire the person everyone piles on unless they've made a DRASTIC mistake in the task. And, let's be honest, Brent didn't. His crime was that he's embarassingly weird.
Anyway. This week's task was simple - get people to text message to a certain number so they can spend the rest of their lives receiving spam from Gillette Razors. Although Lenny acted like a real dick (he showed absolutely no respect to Lee, the PM), he was right. At the end of the day, they had to get people to text message. Not spend all morning coming up with a snappy slogan. And for once I was right about something and told the geekboy that the team should go straight to the TKTS booth in Times Square. The captive audience was enough to give them the win, nearly doubling the amount of messages Synergy got. Pepi was PM for Synergy, and seemed unable to control his team. They went to Times Square as well, but they weren't focused, they were late, and they were dressed in gimmicky bathrobes, which was a good idea in theory but in practice looked really stupid. Speaking of really stupid, Brent did the robot. AND HE CALLED IT "ROBOTICS." I wanted to die on his family's behalf.
So, we got our first double-firing of the season, and Pepi and Stacy went home. Fine by me. In other news, I loved Ivanka Trump. I don't know why. And I still can't get past Rancic's giant teeth.
The latest season of The Apprentice kicked off last night. I thought it was a strong start, but then again, I really enjoy this show.
Anyhoo, let's just get some first impressions out of the way right now. Brent? The Canadian Markus. Great. Why does he YELL ALL OF HIS INTERVIEWS? And dude. Karaoke? Seriously? Tarek? The first asshole of the season. Did you know he is in MENSA? He doesn't like to talk about it much. Prick. Allie? Capable and cute. She did great as Project Manager. Lenny? Liked him at first, ended the show being afraid of him. Did you notice how Trump just called him "The Russian?" What an ass. Maybe he's turning into Flava Flav. "Candidates, I'll choose The Cutie, The Black, The Russian, The Brit, and The Idiot." Actually, I think I might enjoy THAT show. Theresa? Needs to shut up. Lee? My new internet son (he's way too young to be my internet boyfriend). Loved him walking around Sam's Club in a suit, and him standing up against Tarek was awesome.
I was pleased with this episode...seems like the right person was fired. It would have been nice to see Tarek go too, but I'd really like it if Lee gets to be the one to bring him to his final Boardroom.
One more thing. How much do you love that we always see George eating at a team event, and then we see George yelling at any team that forgot to have food? I wuv him.
It's that time again! The new season of The Apprentice starts on Monday (that's right, Monday). Join the game and play along all season. Here's the group info - group ID#: 588 / password: openme.