Archives: The Apprentice (Season Three)
Friday May 20, 2005
But I Came Up With The CIRCLE!

Congratulations to Kendra, the newest Apprentice, for a very deserved win. Congratulations to Tana, for being the first contestant to ever have been booed by the audience, and whose subsequent meltdown was both riveting and horrifying to watch. Congratulations to Kelly, who appears to be working seven jobs for Trump and working in an office the size of a shoebox. Congratulations to Bill, who is still cute and smart. Congratulations to Kristen, who Trump apparently didn't even recognize with her new blonde hair. So much for the "big scene" she said she was going to cause during the finale. Yawn. Congratulations to the editors, who thoroughly confused us by apparently cutting the entire team interview boardroom segment from the broadcast. Congratulations to Trump, who apparently believes that these two women only want to manage beauty pageants and remodel homes. Although I do think that Kendra's job is tailor-made for her. She won't even have to move.

It was nice not to have to sit through the three-hour hatefest from last year, but I actually would have preferred an hour and a half for this finale. There were too many commercials and it was very rushed. Since there wasn't too much mystery over who would win - I mean, come ON - I suppose they figured, "oh, let's just get it over with."

Also, congrats to Armchair QB for winning the Fantasy Game!

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Tana cheers for herself while Kendra starts counting her money; Erin's awesome reaction shot to Tana's fist-pumping

Posted by freakgirl at 9:25 AM - link - Comments (17)
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Friday May 13, 2005
Tana Blows It All

There is no way, NO WAY, that Kendra can lose next week after Tana's incredibly idiotic performance last night. Unless Kendra's team goes in there and announces that Kendra spent the entire event snorting coke off of Danny's ass, she is going to walk away with a much-deserved win.

Both women's events went off quite well (i.e. nothing horrible happened in front of the public). However, backstage, Tana had quite a few snags, including the absolutely unbelievable Brochure O'Typos. Wow. Her team sucked, she KNEW her team sucked, yet she did not follow up on any of their duties. She treated them like children, she bad-mouthed them to anyone who'd listen, and she MADE THE GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK wait in the car on the street. Whoa! And during the entire thing, offered little bon mots to the camera about what a genius she is and how she's going to trample Kendra. I can't imagine how anyone could defend her behavior.

Meanwhile, Kendra's event went so swimmingly that the show devoted a scant five minutes to it, compared to about twenty for Tana's. Kendra was offered a job by one of the sponsors at the end of the night, and ended her event with tears, a group hug, and sincere gratitude to her team. Tana, meanwhile, hid from her team in the parking garage and blabbed some shit about "making them feel important."

So, was Tana's task harder than Kendra's? Was her team worse? I think her team was worse, but you can never overstate the horror of Danny, either. The point of this last assignment was to succeed while managing a difficult team. Tana thought the point was succeed in SPITE of a difficult team, and showed her true colors. I also don't think her task was harder than Kendra's; just different. I'm willing to bet that the reason we didn't see a lot Kendra's event is because it went so seamlessly that there was no good footage for them to show us. Also, Kendra's face when Carolyn read the bad brochure was priceless.

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Posted by freakgirl at 9:02 AM - link - Comments (24)
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Friday May 6, 2005
Return of the Misfits

Last night's Apprentice was very satisfying, as we got to finally say goodbye to Craig. It was sheer luck he even made it as far as he did, considering he apparently cannot speak English. Kendra and Tana are our Final Two, and I'll be happy if either of them win. I think they're both qualified for the job. The ladies were assigned their final tasks last night, and were given their now-customary team of ex-Apprenti. This season we got a little twist, as Trump seemed to bring back only the psycho hosebeasts. And for that, I applaud him.

Tana's task is to run some sort of hoo-hah for the NYC 2012 Olympic Bid (basically a meaningless event) at Chelsea Piers, and Kendra's is to run a video game evening at Webster Hall (equally meaningless). Seems like Tana might have the short end of the stick here, as her venue is much bigger than Kendra's. But I'm sure there are tons of variables. Anyway, Tana's team (much to her disbelief) is Brian, Chris and Kristen. How messed up is it when the most capable person on your team is BRIAN? Kendra didn't fare much better, ending up with Michael, Danny and Erin. DANNY, people. And can you believe that assclown actually SANG to some executives because he couldn't think of anything else to say? How completely horrifying. It was also amusing to hear George mention that they don't HAVE to use their employees if they don't want to. I wonder if anyone will get fired - the geekboy called it the "Omarosa Clause."

So, two more episodes left...I'm excited for the showdown. And big, big thanks to Trump and Co. for firing Craig right off and not giving us another embarassing bloodbath like Jen versus Sandy last season. Ugh. And hey, what did we think of Tana's boardroom outfit? Made out of genuine Muppet fur and Staten Island rhinestones, I reckon.

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Posted by freakgirl at 8:39 AM - link - Comments (18)
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Friday April 29, 2005
Like a Rhinestone Cowgirl

Again, short and sweet recap. On last night's Apprentice, Craig was still a dick. From beginning to end. I hate him. Alex and Tana became a team and designed $45 t-shirts and sold them in NYC. Meanwhile, at home, freakgirl pulled her Bedazzler out from under the bed and got to work. Craig and Kendra fought like little tiny babies, but got the job done. Kendra is a marketing genius, and even though their tees were half the price of Net Worth's, they sold more than double their opponents. So Craig avoids another boardroom, but at least this time Carolyn was around to see him acting like such a jerk. In the Boardroom, Tana nearly got fired until she FINALLY pointed out that her past record is nearly impeccable. Then, to my great delight, Trump fired Alex and barked "GO! OUT!" which was hilarious. Also, in the reward challenge, Kendra got to literally shoot Craig out of the sky.

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Friday April 22, 2005
The Wonderful Love Affair of Bren and Alex

Who knew there was a secret romance going on in The Apprentice penthouse? Bren and Alex, Republicans in Love, sharing coffee, cigars and cozy dinners. Too bad they were torn apart this week, like Romeo and Juliet. Bren was fired, and he was fired not because he's worse than Alex, because ALEX BLOWS, but because he is way too meek and admitted it. After hearing his taxicab confession, though, it was right to send him home. He didn't really want the job as much as he thought he did. But those two? Are idiots. Their task was to reduce clutter. So, THEY BUILT A DESK. How does adding another desk to your room reduce clutter? Right off the bat, they eliminated their entire cube-dwelling customer base. You do no focus group, no speaking with the client, and then you are surprised when you lose? Please.

On the other hand, Magna's product was great. Honestly, I loved it, and as soon as Craig held up those stackables in a square, I knew where he was going. And how freaking funny is it that Craig has won another task by BUILDING A BOX? By the way, I hate Craig. He cannot win. I am assuming that Trump and Co. are seeing his behavior on tape, because the way he treats Kendra? Is disgusting, and he is exactly the type of person I would file complaints against with Human Resources. Someone called me "young lady" once at a previous job and I will never forget how humiliating it was. And eff you, Tana, for just sitting there and letting him do that to her. It almost makes me wonder if Kendra is fighting back and we're just not seeing it. I don't understand it, but I honestly hope that Craig goes next, just so he'll shut up. I was seriously hoping for an Alex-Bren double-firing last night, but no dice.

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Posted by freakgirl at 9:59 AM - link - Comments (16)
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Friday April 15, 2005
The Solster Roadster

This week in the Apprentice fantasy pool, I got 60 points. Not great, but better than my ZERO from last week when I actually did make my picks but, for some reason, they were never recorded. And I think I had gotten them all right. Rats. Anyway. Chris finally got fired last night. And he cried! In the boardroom! I'd laugh at him if it all wasn't so sadly psychotic. Actually, the saddest part was that he was very well-behaved this week. I mean, their brochure sucked, and they totally didn't get it, but not once did he scream or threaten someone with bodily harm. I did love the part in the Boardroom, though, where George tried to wind him up. That George, he so crazy.

Over on Magna, Kendra was the PM and took control and actually seemed to wig out with power a little bit. I'm still unsure of what's going on between her and Craig; the hate is thick in the air. Obviously, Kendra did a great job and knew what she was doing. Tana decided to coast on her exemption (and then try to take over the presentation - oooh!) and Craig just pooped all over Kendra's ideas. Maybe he should remember how everyone treated him during The Box Incident, eh? Also, their reward? Su-hucked. That wasn't a reward - that was GYM CLASS. I would have been so pissed, screaming as I jogged around the court, "Where are my diamonds? My shopping spree? What the hell is this crap?" Of course, that's just me.

Did anyone else think that the Donald was going to give Chris a hug there at the end? I got a little nervous that Chris might get boogers all over Trump's very luxury suit.

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Posted by freakgirl at 9:23 AM - link - Comments (19)
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Monday April 11, 2005
So Funny

Hilarious news about Chris, the hothead from this season of The Apprentice.

Posted by freakgirl at 9:38 AM - link - Comments (4)
Filed Under: The Apprentice (Season Three)
Friday April 8, 2005
Nicotine Withdrawal is a Bitch

It makes you absent-minded, and it makes you say things like, "I hope they find that credit card so I don't have to find an aluminum bat and break somebody's kneecaps." Ah, Chris. You should have your own cartoon.

Anyway, this week on The Apprentice, Chris continued to slide through the Boardroom's clutches and Alex was given a total pass when he obviously screwed up badly. That pissed me off. Yes, Angie really blew it (I mean - WORST. PRESENTATION. EVER.), but if Alex was the PM, where were his time-management skills? Why was Angie responsible for everything? What did Alex do, besides stick a laptop in a jacket? Trump obviously loves him and doesn't want him fired yet. And what the hell does Chris have to do to get fired? Kick George in the balls?

As for Magna, Kendra and Tana continued their streak of being extremely capable, although what is UP with Kendra and Craig? Why do they hate each other? I highly enjoyed the scene with Craig and Bren versus the Stoned Silkscreeners - pun intended. What a bunch of idiots. Tana handled that very well; better than I would have.

Also, can we discuss Carolyn's Boardroom hair? What happened? It looked like that episode of Seinfeld when everyone loses water pressure.

Posted by freakgirl at 9:16 AM - link - Comments (19)
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Friday April 1, 2005
It's MANGIA, not MANGA, Idiots

This week on The Apprentice, the our aspiring business mavens made meatball pizza. Yes, that's a task that seems critically important in today's corporate environment. Both teams took the Ass-Kissing Route and created meatball pizzas, as the Trumpster had told them he liked meatballs. Net Worth called theirs "Meatball Masterpiece," which, well, whatever, and Magna called theirs "Manga Meatball," and I do not think that word means what you think it means. Although how cool would manga pizza be? Once again, the guts of the task came down to marketing. Kendra again proved her business savvy as, along with Tana, she sold pizzas to big corporations, while Net Worth hired models (?) to stand around and look bored. Okay, then. During the task, Alex (who had been moved over to Net Worth) butted heads with Chris, who was frantically chewing sunflower seeds instead of his usual tobacco. Magna ended up winning, as usual, and got to eat breakfast in Trump's Pad O'Gold and Tackiness. Net Worth went to the Boardroom with the intention of offering up Chris, but Trump took Stephanie to task for not properly dealing with Chris and his volatile personality. He also got mad at her for keeping a pizza commitment she had made in Brooklyn. I didn't like that Trump punished her for that; he should be glad she keeps her promises, but I guess she really should have sent Alex or Chris to make the delivery. Anyway, Chris lives to see another week, which is really quite something, considering Trump obviously believes that he is mentally unbalanced.

Posted by freakgirl at 8:51 AM - link - Comments (11)
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Friday March 25, 2005
Foot in Mouth 101

I didn't get to watch the episode until this morning, sorry everyone.

Anyway. Erin! What the hell are you doing? She managed to talk Donald out of firing her and then she insulted everyone in the boardroom with a wink and the world's stupidest comment. If I had a screencap of Carolyn's face at that moment, I would blow it up and make it my desktop wallpaper.

Was it a lesson learned? No. In the cab she rambled incessantly about power tools instead of acknowledging her fatal flaw: undermining the value of the input of George and Carolyn.

The task this week seemed like a lot of fun although for the life of me I don't understand what it has to do with big business and the type of position for which the candidates are vying.

Angie had a great idea in the first place when she suggested a clinic that taught the basics of installing crown molding. It's the type of attention to detail that could make a home improvement project look professionally done. The kitchen island thing seemed more like a lesson in how to build Ikea furniture.

I have to hang my head and apologize along with Magna Corp. because I thought Craig's box idea was totally lame. I wasn't looking at the big picture; a neat little carpentry project that the whole family can do together. I agree with his team that Craig isn't great at getting his main idea across. However, even though they originally had such crappy attitudes, they ended up getting behind him and that won them the challenge.

And what a reward! Experiencing zero gravity has got to be the most amazing thing ever. I hope I get a turn.

Is it just me or does the Donald always look windburned?

Why is it after an uncomfortable moment (Craig's personal reading), the first thing anyone does is suggest prayer?

Posted by Maggie at 10:40 AM - link - Comments (14)
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Friday March 18, 2005
Clip Show!

Last night's Apprentice was basically a clip show, so I don't have much to say. Actually, I am going to crawl under the desk, put on a helmet and tell you this - I thought Danny's audition tape was hysterical. It was a total rip-off of the old eBay commercial, but still, pretty entertaining stuff. Also funny - Kendra attempting to explain the cucumber commercial to a stone cold Carolyn.

Posted by freakgirl at 8:22 AM - link - Comments (1)
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Friday March 11, 2005
We Be Talkin,' MILF

Oh my GOD, Tana was hilarious on last night's Apprentice. At first I found her annoying (it's LIL Jon and LIL Kim, not LITTLE!), but she seemed to really blossom on this task. Good for her, and good for Kendra, who led her new team to the slaughter of Net Worth. I think Kendra's decision to attend one negotiating session with Tana and Craig, and then trust them on their own, was the best decision she made. Too bad Trump was too cheap to give them a reward. On the other team, Chris didn't even bother to see how his negotiators would do, although we all know that he would have supported John in all that sexist, obnoxious fanboy drooling he sprayed all over my television screen. I cannot believe how much I loved John in the beginning of this season. LOVED HIM. In two short weeks, I have gone from Love to Wanting To Kick In The Balls. I have huge respect for Erin for putting up with his misogynistic crap and not losing her cool in front of the musicians. She is really Trump's little pet, eh? She's going to have to mess up Big Time not to make it to Final Two, I bet. Anyway, I was thrilled to see John fired this week. For a minute there, they tricked me and made me think it was going to be Chris and, while I don't care for him much at all, I got angry that John was going to be around another week. I think this was another fair firing. John was being a glory whore and his ideas weren't good enough. I mean, come on, Gene Simmons even TOLD him that they sucked and he just sat there. Jackass.

Posted by freakgirl at 8:38 AM - link - Comments (28)
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Thursday March 3, 2005
Everybody Hates a Clown

Freakgirl had something much better to do than sit at home and watch tv tonight so here I am, you lucky kids!

Audrey was a horrible project manager and deserved to be fired, but I am so disappointed in John. He treated Audrey terribly and although he accused her of letting her personal feelings get in the way, he certainly forgot his own advice of "Stop pointing the finger and start pulling the thumb!" John rolled his eyes every time Audrey spoke and didn't do a damn thing to facilitate the success of the team. It looked to me like he was willing to lose just to get a chance to get rid of Audrey in the boardroom. That sounds a lot like letting personal feelings get in the way to me.

As a former smoker of 17 years I can't fault anyone their addiction to tobacco, but chewing it? Ugh. And in front of the kiddies? Double ugh. I'm super creeped out by clowns as it is; if I saw a clown walking around with tobacco juice dripping down his chin I think I would faint dead away. Well, I certainly wouldn't let my kid play miniature golf anywhere near him. Where was he spitting? Perhaps The Sharper Image sells a pocket cuspidor.

Magna did a great job and Stephanie needed a success like that under her belt. Their marketing was absolutely perfect and they didn't have to put on ugly, smelly clown suits, which is really high on my list of things to avoid.

Posted by Maggie at 11:53 PM - link - Comments (14)
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Tuesday March 1, 2005
Oh, The Humanity

You have GOT to be freaking kidding me.

Posted by freakgirl at 9:57 AM - link - Comments (4)
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Friday February 25, 2005
Tear It Up!

The task on this week's Apprentice was stupid. Why were they given that huge wall when both teams only used like 1/2 of it? Anyway, the teams had to design a graffiti wall to sell some Playstation game. Tara turned it into some sort of Celebration of Local Culture Politically Correct Art Project, and it got her ass fired. Go cry in Matt Dillon's arms, honey, you messed this one up but good. Although I have nothing against her, my favorite part was when the guy in the focus group noted that the ad looked like "Harlem stereotypes." That was awesome. Magna's project wasn't all that great, either, but I think including the money element and the "E" for Everyone was what won it for them. As for the Boardroom, Craig lost all my respect when he started telling Trump that Audrey's husband was "lazy" and "made less money than Audrey." What in the hell was he thinking? I would never forgive him. Ass. Also, the Bill Cosby impression? Not funny, Craig. During the reward, the models were crawling all over Bren like he was Brad Pitt or something. The hell? To sum up: Another fair firing, an ugly side of Craig, Bren=Rock Star, and yay, Carolyn returns next week!

Posted by freakgirl at 8:20 AM - link - Comments (22)
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Friday February 18, 2005
Fired A-Go-Go

This week on The Apprentice, our prayers were answered and Michael was booted. Good riddance, pig boy. The thing that stuck out the most for us on this episode was that bizarre one-on-one interview that Audrey did where she kept bobbing and shaking her head after she was done talking. It was really weird. Maybe TVGasm will put up a little video to show us. Anyhoo...each team had to construct and run a mobile business in a cool Airstream trailer. I'll just say that every time the teams are given a task, I blurt something out about what I would do, and I yelled, "Massages and manicures!" so I'm really thrilled that Bren and I are on the same wavelength. Maybe I'll go buy a cucumber. To be honest, it was a safe idea and Magna certainly would have won if they had sold themselves better. Why didn't they drop off some flyers at nearby corporations, or call the day before and get someone to send out a company-wide email? Plus, Michael moping around = No fun. I did think the Net Worth idea (paying to sit with a casting director) wouldn't really work, but I was wrong. I didn't think that people just walking down the street would have their head shots and resumes on them, but it looked like people ran home and came back. So, kudos to them, and to John, as always, who actually GOT the casting agent to show up. Rock on, my friend. So, another week, another fair firing. Yay.

Hey, do you think that weird singing lady from Survivor is related to Danny? Just wondering. And here's a piece of gossip, from me to you - Tara of Team Street Smarts is Matt Dillon's girlfriend. How much do you think she was secretly laughing last week when Kirsten was blathering on about her boyfriend being a "director"? Tara and Kendra are both playing the "fly under the radar" game; so far it's working quite well. But you can only do that for a little while, so I'm interested to see both of them show some leadership. Lastly, Erin actually made me laugh last night. She's kind of funny. Who knew? Scary. [Edited to add: I can't believe I didn't mention Michael's "Escapegoat." What a maroon. And for that matter, who's Uma Thurma?]

Posted by freakgirl at 7:06 AM - link - Comments (15)
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Friday February 11, 2005
Worst. Idea. Ever.

This week on The Apprentice, we had a first - both teams sucked so badly at the task that Trump refused to declare a winner. Awesome. Magna's commercial was basically soft-core porn that could never be used on television, and Net Worth's was what I thought was a great idea executed terribly. I can't believe it, but Trump is 4 for 4 now. Kristen totally deserved her firing. Even though Magna had the worst product, Trump correctly pointed out that the team worked well as a unit and did in fact accomplish their goals. As much as I can't stand her most times, Erin really did well in the boardroom and saved her team. Kristen, on the other hand, divided the team, ruined their idea, and treated their actors with disrespect. So it was a real pleasure to see her go. However, there was a brief moment of WTF when Chris suddenly started screaming to Trump about Magna's ad and the "HOMO-SEXUALS" and getting all red in the face and angry, and I think we've got a little homophobe on our hands. Good job, Chris, I'm sure you'll last long in NYC. So, to sum up: Erin - did well. John - still my boyfriend. Chris - afraid of the gays. Kendra - got some camera time this week. Angie - hilarious with her "THIS IS THE BOX" rant. Till next week....

Posted by freakgirl at 8:52 AM - link - Comments (13)
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Friday February 4, 2005
'Cause When I Think Coffee, I Think Sexy European Models

I'm sure that I'm jinxing it, but The Apprentice has gone three for three - three episodes with three good firings. For a moment last night, I was on Magna's side; fire Michael even though he has immunity. I thought it was a valid attempt, even though Donald all of a sudden "plays by the rules." But when Trump pointed out that yeah, Michael was a total a-hole, but at the end of the day, it wasn't his fault they lost...I realized that Danny and his guitar were going home. Woot woot! I TOLD ya'll he wouldn't be around long. Wasn't it refreshing to find out that everyone, even the nutjob folk singers, always say the same thing in the cab - "Well, at least I still have my integrity." Whatever, Bad Hair Guy. I do propose that every fired Apprentice from here on out has to sing their goodbye as they exit.

Of course, if I were on this show, I'd try to avoid being the PM as long as possible, because the PM's have all been fired so far, right? Hey, it works for Coral on all those RW/RR Challenges. Anyway. Apparently the Apprentice tradition of unstable black women continues, as Verna actually up and quit. Packed her bags and left. How utterly lame of her. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't really enjoy Danny's Warm Fuzzy "We Love You Verna" Encounter Group, with Erin (rightly) interjecting, "Um, if she doesn't participate in the next task, let's fire her."

Posted by freakgirl at 8:18 AM - link - Comments (11)
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Friday January 28, 2005
Down the Shore, Everything's All Right

This week on The Apprentice, our candidates fought the Jersey Shore, and the Shore won. As an aside, I'm curious as to why Trump chose Seaside Heights for this task. Those of us from Jersey know that Seaside was the place to go in the 70's and 80's, but it's currently sort of a dump and we tend to avoid it at all costs. I'm wondering if Trump is planning on some sort of revitalization. Eek. Anyway. Our teams have to refurbish some motel rooms and welcome guests for the evening and get a high rating from said guests. As soon as the teams get to New Jersey, they all start fighting and people go crazy. Coincidence? I think not. Anyway, Verna loses her mind and actually walks off the task (wandering aimlessly on the boardwalk with her luggage), and Danny wears a nice suit and doesn't annoy me. NEW JERSEY IS OBVIOUSLY BIZARRO WORLD.

When all is said and done, neither team does a great job refurbishing anything, but I don't think they had enough time. So it all came down to customer service, and how shocked were our teams to realize that customers prefer beer-fueled parties by the pool to screaming harpies shouting "FUCK" at each other? Hmmrph. So Magna wins, and Net Worth sends home Brian without even a proper boardroom. He deserved it, he sucked, and his only saving grace was that in the beginning of the boardroom, he totally admitted it. Too bad he tried to change his defense later. Brian also will go down in history as the second most awkward cab ride ever (first of course being Maria and Wes).

Posted by freakgirl at 9:14 AM - link - Comments (22)
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Tuesday January 25, 2005
Apprentice Fantasy Game

Not like being an Apprentice is actually my fantasy or anything, but the game is fun. TMFT reader Sara has set this up, and anyone is welcome to join, so please do! Go here, and your Group # is 16128 and your Password is openme.

Posted by freakgirl at 8:03 AM - link - Comments (0)
Filed Under: The Apprentice (Season Three)