Looks like I'll be skipping the next season of The Surreal Life.
The Surreal Life this week wasn't as AWESOME as last week, but it's still trainwreck television. All they had to do this week was babysit, and it was painfully obvious that none of these people have ever dealt with children. Thank god. Jane Wiedlin was the only one who did anything worthwhile. Chyna went nuts in the middle of the night, trying to wake up the other ladies, who (to their credit) did NOT shoot her in the face. Someone on TWoP pointed out that right before Jane went to bed, Chyna told her she was going to make a phone call and have some "skittles." I guess I'm a square, but I didn't realize that "skittles" are a slang term for the drug DXM. That could explain a lot. But are the editors that careless that they would let that slip through on camera? Poor Chyna. She's a mess, and it seemed like the camerapeople were encouraging her behavior.
If you didn't watch The Surreal Life last night, you missed Verne Troyer naked on a scooter urinating on the floor and drunkenly moaning in bed while caressing Christopher Knight.
That right there is the reason television was invented, people.
The new cast of The Surreal Life has been announced, kids. This should be a good one. To wit: wrestler Chyna Doll; Jane Wiedlin (The Go-Gos); Christopher Knight ("The Brady Bunch"); Verne Troyer ("Austin Powers"); model Marcus Schenkenberg; rap star Da Brat; and Adrianne Curry ("America's Next Top Model"). I don't know who Adrianne is, or have any familiarity with Da Brat, but BRING ON CHYNA! She's nuts. She could crack Verne open like a nut, right between her two giant thighs. I predict Christopher Knight will be as big a tool as Jordan of the Same Last Name.
Can we talk about how much I am loving The Surreal Life on VH1? Were the previous seasons this entertaining? I mean, Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielson are pretty much the epitome of an "Oh, gross" couple, and yet I love to watch the two of them together (he makes her seem sweet and kind of vulnerable; she makes him seem less clownish). Man, they don't waste any chance to rub all up on each other, do they? I read in some gossip column (maybe in the Post?) that VH1 may bring the two of them back in a show by themselves. I'm all for it!
As for the rest of the houseguests, Charo is getting far less screen time than I thought she would. Maybe she's kinda freaked out by everybody else. Dave Coulier is surprisingly charming, level-headed, and non-obnoxious. Ryan Starr is a spoiled and standoffish beeyotch--her snotty attitude definitely doesn't correspond with her actual level of celebrity (which is about zero). And Jordan Knight looks like he's kind of unpleasant to know in real life--the guy who brings a room down very quickly--but I think he looks much more handsome with the extra weight, so that's good.
Seriously, watch the show if only to see Brigitte and Flava grubbin' all over the place--it's hilarious.
The cast of the new Surreal Life has been announced, and I am nearly convulsing with excitement. The greatest thing about Hollywood is that there is never a shortage of has-beens, and that those has-beens have a shocking shortage of pride. Uncle Freaking Joey, my friends. [via tv tattle]
VH1 is picking up The Surreal Life from the WB. I love the show like a trainwreck, so I'm happy about it. They've also decided to launch I Love the 90's. This puts them about one step away from my friend Jon's idea - I Love the 'I Love the 80's'. Ack.